Thursday, December 30, 2010

Random thoughts

i'm starting to make new things :
learning japanese and italian
walking and jogging...almost everyday.
anything more?

Random thoughts

the weather was so nice today, it was so gloomy in the morning tht the sun didn't appear , then it rained for a while and now i can hear thunder.
most ppl find the thunder very scary, the sound makes u shiver. do u know tht this is how the sky pray?. i find it very very charming, there is an un seen beauty behind it tht makes me feel i'm strong and not alone in this world. really sub7an Allah i wish muslims can b as strong as tht sound of thunder, instead of freaking out from it lol.
my days been nearly the same, i'm waiting for some changes tht might turn my life path. i'm not sure if the path i drew b4 is still there.
God really put strange things in our way...things u never thought tht u can do or be. i started out with a dream of being a journalist i never thought i could do anything but writing. now, i'm a writer *not as i really hoped* but i never thought tht my name would really appear in any website or magazine.
i never wanted to be a teacher, i never thought i'd b able to work in a school and give some information to a group of annoying kids.
but i feel i've succeded as a nursery teacher, and so far i think i'm doing fine as a highschool teacher. it's weird tht i even enjoy it. i never loved teaching but now it's becoming a passion.
sub7an Allah when i think of all the things i've been dreaming of and prayed so hard to reach...i find out tht God made my dreams come true elhamdolelah...just few things left tht i'm sure it will come on the rit time isA.
i should b sleeping now :S !

Thursday, December 16, 2010

The truth of "Having Faith"

How many times u asked yourself this question, “oh God y me? What did I do to deserve all of this?” For some people problems may seem like the end of the world. When we face some problems or things just don’t turn the way we planned. We usually think that God is punishing us for being bad people. However it’s actually part of his merciful.

Sometimes we keep wondering about what went wrong or who fault was it, we search a lot for the reasons. And there are always reasons but sometimes it’s just better not to know them because it will make us feel even worse. And that’s how God is merciful on us.

“…it maybe that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you don’t know.” Surat Al-baqarah (216)

" وَعَسَى أَن تَكْرَهُواْ شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَّكُمْ وَعَسَى أَن تُحِبُّواْ شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَّكُمْ وَاللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنتُمْ لاَ تَعْلَمُونَ"

سورة البقرة 216

God knows best, and he’s trying to show us this through many things around us. But the easiest things EVER can still b the hardest EVER

The recipe is very easy:

%100 Yaqen + Taslem = strong Iman = all ur wishes will come true.

Yaqen is to believe in what you want and of God ability.

Taslem is to do what you can do and leave out all the rest for God.

In Surat “Al kahf” when prophet Musa (PBUH) was on a journey with Al-khedr. They met a little kid on their way which Al-khedr had to kill. Prophet Musa was so surprised…why on earth did it happen?! Why did he kill the little kid? What did this kid do to get killed by a strange, while he was innocently playing with his friends?

I wonder how his parents felt about it. How did they accept that their only child was murdered in such way? I guess for them nothing can be worse. They never knew that he’d be a bad person when he grows up and they didn’t know that God will give them another good child. God is so mercy, he didn’t want them to suffer, he didn’t want the little kid to suffer and that’s y he sent al khedr to kill him. Sometimes it’s better not to know the reason “why did it happen”. Only Coz God love us so much he doesn’t tell us the reason why, coz we’d feel worse if we knew.
“And your Lord is Forgiving, the Lord of Mercy….” Surat al kahf (the cave) 58.

""وَرَبُّكَ الْغَفُورُ ذُو الرَّحْمَةِ..." سورة الكهف 58

Don’t tire yourself asking too many questions just have faith that God is doing the best for you. Have faith that he loves you so much. Ask him with all your heart for what you want; he’s the only one who can make your dreams come true. as He’s the owner of everything..Our hearts..Our minds and our souls.

Monday, December 06, 2010

Random thoughts

my beloved blog, i've missed u alot. i hate when i don't rit tht much i wish i can rit like b4 but it seems tht life is really taking us to another path.
i've never thought i'd become a teacher, i never thought i'd ever give up journalism. it's not tht i don't like teaching...i'm passionate abt teaching but it was never my dream.
i'm spending a hard time nowdays...i'm removing some old memories from my life for good, taking some new decisions that will take my life to another road.
i hope i wont lose my way, may God keep me on the rit track, may the angels of earth and sky guard me and lift me up when i slip.
i hope i'd stay happy, and be able to make everyone around me happy.
i hope i can rit more but i'm out of words now

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Random thoughts

Why do I feel that I don’t worth it? Or am I dreaming too high?, I can’t reach my sky. I feel so small in this world. Like I don’t deserve anything. It hurts to think this way.

I don’t wanna b like that. Maybe it’s just loneliness, I miss all the people who rn’t here anymore. I hide my tears and keep them till night.

I just have that big empty space that nothing fulfills. Did I exceed my own expectation or I just have my own freaking perception.

I wish to end up everything, I wish to kill these beautiful dreams, I wish I can stab my heart and stop those heart beats.

My dearest God, please help me please, I have no one else here. Totally no one else but you.

I’m waiting…


And waiting….

Give me the strength to carry on waiting.

Saturday, November 06, 2010

Random feelings

i'm sick , i'm tired..little bit sad , confused. i feel like crying, i don't wanna get weak, plz God don't let me b weak. what's the wrorst tht could happened huh?! i'm hurt already so wht's the point.
i'm still breathing, and still alive...taking part in putting a smile on every face i meet..yet can't even draw a fake one on mine.
my throat is killing me now really, i need to cry. plz don't ask me y

Monday, October 25, 2010

Random thoughts

<<  Story  >>
i'm sitting beside the window, as it started to rain. i just couldn't stop thinking of tht day..tht day when you took me on ur silver unicorn. we flow away in the sky, and looked at the tiny earth with our eyes.

we simply left everything behind and went through our inner selves, another world.

we spoke as if we knew eachother since our life scraf began to move genetly along with the wind.
actually my life really started tht day =)
i lost all the sense of time , all the sense of distance...i didn't think of anything except ur words...and my unspoken words.
my numb feelings started to grove,my heart beats as if a mountain moved.
i saw myself through ur eyes...and nothing else i need from this world =)

i wondered...r u feeling the same?
well, it's ok i don't really care, i'm satsified coz i'm sure of wht i feel

now, the moment is over u put me safly back on earth, and ever since tht day....i just sit there beside the window as it started to rain... nothing i can do except

Wishing so hard..dreaming so hard...praying so hard.....and having faith from the deep of my heart

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Random thoughts

some times we spend the best time in our lives, but we don't realize it untill it ends. it can eve be few moments but it means alot, in fact you can spend all the rest of your life remembering it and smiling , wondering could i ever get those days back?
maybe yes...or maybe it's better to wait for better days.
i still like how i feel these days...things r kinda going on smoothly, yes... it's better not to rush in.
i'm praying very hard
i'm praying for you my lord and u know wht i want.
the reason y i'm praying so hard for this, is tht i believe so much in wht i'm feeling rit now, i trust my choice and i think i'm ready. i trust my God and i trust my heart tht's y i'm sure tht God will answer my prayers...and i'm leaving out all the rest.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Random thoughts

i just noticed tht i used to call my post, random thought-1 , random tought-2...but i don't count them any more. it seems tht they all became the same , maybe my whole life became the same.
it's depressing when it's hard to express ur feelings, words ran't coming out easily as they used to.

i was checking some pix and found this one on my way, and it's so true a simple word can heal or tear...
i wish i hear the words i wanna hear. i wish i can say many things, yet i dont know how it's gonna be if i let those words out..
oh how i wish life would b much easier than tht.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Random thoughts

There r times were i feel too weak, too helpless tht i can't do anything and i simply feel tht i'm falling apart and the best solution is to shut my eyes and never wakeup.
i feel very tired, many things to do in very short time. many ppl tht i have to listen to...when no one feels my inner silent screaming.
i wish we had restart button like the computer, i'll get to restart all over agin without thinking of the old days...
when i look bk at my life i c tht i was totally different, it's not abt being better or being worse...
but some wounds remain in ur heart forever...reminds u of how much it hurted when ever u try to smile and b happy.
am i still broken?
is my heart still bleeding?
sometimes i stand on feet and let my head up high.i lay bk on the ground and stare on the sky...i look at the shining stars and i name each star with a dream of mine...but then they disappear, they simply start to vanish in the sky.
and tht's were i slowly start to crumble,i start to break down and fall apart..and think million times... was it my fault?
i don't regret anything tht i did in mylife, but i regret for not doing things tht i think i should have done...things i should've said.
sometimes i have to pretend tht i laugh...i even laugh hysterically tht my friends say..." r u crazy".
i don't understand
i don't understand anything....

Saturday, October 09, 2010

Random thoughts

ok so is there something wrong? with me ? maybe? i don't know.i feel kinda happy...kinda like butterflies, or even better...i feel like dipping sushi in soya sauce.
i love the way i feel now, althought i don't get it but it makes me listen to every single romantic song i used to listen to. makes me wanna dance and dream.
actually it gives me's gives me oxygen.
let's wait and c...wht's still hidding =)

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Random thoughts

i looked to my self in the mirror and stared alittle bit, am i weird person? am i freak? y am i stubborn? y do i hate to break the rules...
i hate to feel tht there r any gates or fence around me, maybe tht's y i lock myself into my fantasy world.
i admit i'm an awkward combination...too many things tht it's hard to be in a noraml human being...umm things like...

i love wrestling
i love pink colour
i love metal,rock, pop,rap and instrumental songs
i play bass guitar
i played violin
i love dalida and fayroz and mahmoud el essily
sometimes i listen to abu el lef and even tamora! *but i don't love them ya3ni*
i love horror movies althought i get scared sometimes...i love to scare myself
i LOVE dogs...sometimes even more than some ppl
i LOVE writing
i LOVE teaching
i LOVE cilantro
i LOVE riding bikes
i LOVE my powerpuff girls dolls
i LOVE watching cartoon
i LOVE chinese food and dresses
i LOVE reading
i hate to tidy up room is a simi-organized chaoes
i love to add my touch in everything i have
i'm sentimental yet ma3ndesh dam
i love spirtual things
i don't shake hands with guys...and i'm very happy tht i don't
i love doing manythings even if i don't have the time for them
i love laying on bed,,stare at the celling and starts..thinking
i love long rides with my headphones on
i believe i'm a good driver..i don't drive like women
i love nature....esp the sea with sunset
i believe i'm a princess
i love singing yet my voice is TERRIBLE...

tht's all i can remember abt tell me who can even bear living with a person like tht! lol no one?

Sunday, October 03, 2010

Random thoughts

Today went in a very good day more than i've expected.
i entered 2 classes by myself for the 1st time in grade 8 and grade 9...
i kids r ADORABLE they r full of life, full of love.... they just need to have more faith...more hope and more dreams...
i loved being with them today...i felt tht they needed to vent, they need to know many thing about life more than study this and that.
Grade 8 were toooooo sweet, i can't believe tht 2 hours passed so quickly i didn't want to leave.
i asked them to rit me a feedback, and i found cutest feed back ever!
tht made me more excited and motivated...i knew tht this is where i belong.
i'm so overwhelmed tht they accepted me and loved me...
they really lifted my spirit up high.
as for grade 9 , i can deny tht i was soo worried b4 going to them, and actually the 1st hours was a total mess! i was about to collapse.
i think some of them hate me alot rit now, but by the 2nd hour things got little better, and by the end of the lesson we were all laughing from our hearts..
i loved being with them as well although it's too hard to deal with them.. they don't give any kind of expression tht u never understand their needs.
so far i feel tht i'm doing good elhamdolelah...

Thanks to u my beloved LORD i wouldn't have done anything without u.

Saturday, October 02, 2010

Random thoughts

God is great! reallly!!! i trust him i have soooooo much faith i know he's doing the ebst thing for me....Thank God for everything....
i was tht close to lose my mind...when all of a sudden my great lord saved me !
it was more like magic!
thank u for being my LORD...thank u God for everything...i know there r still good news coming isA
i believe
i have faith...

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Random thoughts

Choices can be very hard.i've been in so much confusion. i wish the signs can be more clear than tht coz REALLY i don't get it :(.
as my friend told me yesterday i should "go with the flow" i know i'm old enf to take the right decision isA. And i know tht God wont leave me hanging and will do the best for me isA...
God, please don't leave me, please give me some guide to the right way....

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Random thoughts

Yesterday and today r very weird...
a best friend of mine is getting engaged...another one is getting divorced
i spoke to a new friend and i was so happy to talk to....then i had a small fight with another friend and he made me sooooo angry...
and today... i felt so embarresed! i got a groom from work :S omG i wished i would disappear, it all started when one of my friend teachers came and told me tht she want to speak with me, and i found her asking me on our way "r u engaged?, r u in a relationship?". and i was like " :S no?!".
then it all came out..i found one of the parents *who i met b4 coincidentally out b4*
and she simply told me: " miss u remember tht day when we met at hyper one? i had my brother with me and he really liked u alot, do u mind if i took ur mum's number".
i had tht look on my face tht says:"HUH!?". :D and i kept saying things like" mesh 3arfa" and " let me tell her 1st" and things like tht but she insists on taking the number so i gave her my sister's number...i was really to shy to her " no, thanks i'm not so interested".
plus i don't even remember seeing a guy with her tht day! how come he saw me and liked me all of a sudden!
ummm it seems tht alot of things will happened soon (rabena yostor) :S

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Random thoughts

How good can "chances" be?, i think best things come by chance, but do they vanish so quickly after living u in the most amazing feeling ever?.
i still can't sleep and wht surprise me is tht i go to work looking so active.
it's weird how things happeneds all of a sudden.
i wish i can sleep today..i wish i can stop thinking...
will i ever live to b a mother?? and i wonder how i'll b like? am i going to be strict? am i going to b too open minded? or just something in between..
how's my prince charming will look like? is he going to be a REAL man? someone i can depend on, someone who can embrace me? is he going to share mylife and my crazines, to b my other half, to be my soul mate. to make me feel i'm a princess and a little spoild gurl when needed..
r we gonna travel the world together? do activities together?, i'd let him enter my special world and i'd be into his.
i know life wont b too pinky....but i hope we can get over everything on our matter how bad things went...we still have respect, dignity and loyalty for eachother.

dear my mr annoymous...i know tht u r there and i'm not sad tht ur not here yet. i just miss u alot and would love to tell u tht. take ur time u don't have to rush in, coz when ever ur ready i will b ready too, just dont hesitate knocking my door :)
God bless u

Random thoughts

things r getting well so far Thank God =) i LOVE being with the IGCSE esp grade 7 and 8...grade 9 kids r a bit....naughty brings me bk to my highschool days.
as i was correcting some essay today i found one which was so unique and funny =D i couldn't stop laughing when i was correcting it!.
it was by an american student his name is Jibrel , they were suppose to write an essay about their 1st day at school and this is wht he wrote:

"today i woke up at 6am to find my little brother putting on his clothes by my sister...i went to school and we had math the teacher told us abt school and stuff
*then we had physics and the teacher went bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla so i slept
*then we had break and i slept
*and came back and had english
*and the teacher told us to write a essay
*and this is wht i wrote
*"today i woke up at 6 am to..."

seems i'm going to have one gr8 year isA =D

Can't sleep? humph

I wish i could know wht's wrong :(...i hardly sleep at night...i think i had an astral projection for 2 straight days....i wish i can know wht's really happening !
1st i fall deeply asleep then i feel tingles in all over my body and i feel paralised tht i can't move...can't open my eyes...can't say a word.
and if i succeeded in opening up my eyes i go bk to the same thing all over again..
when it happeneds i feel my whole body is too heavy and my heart beats start to b too fast ,i start to see transparent objects. i'm not sure wht r it my body?
i just get really afraid...and feel as if i'm dying.
i wish someone can tell me wht is tht exactly :(.
this feeling is like's too scary but i kinda don't want it to end

Monday, September 06, 2010

Random thoughts

it's too easy to fake others and pretend tht ur ok when ur not.simply coz u r dead sure tht the other person doesnt care ,no matter how many times he kept saying "how r u?" " r u ok?"...
even if u "talked abt it" no one will really undertsand.
i feel my ending is getting closer , doesn't mean tht i'm dying in real life. i mean tht i'm dying in some ppl's's considered as an ending to me coz i'm sure they will never be the same again.
am i ever gonna end up by myself? wondering, where is everyone? what went wrong? and why does everything end up so fast? was it my fault or i was too stupid?
i'm lying on bed coz of sickness...i got very few calls from ppl who were suprised tht i was really sick!.
it's weird tht ppl try to make u more happy when u r already happy, but they never try to make u even smile when u r deeply hurt from inside.
ramadan is almost over, i wish i can get the best out of it in these very few days.

Dear God,
plz forgive me for everything i did in my life...u r the only one i can trust...u r the only one who is there for me all the time even when i went wrong, when all the ppl judged me for being who am i.... u r the only one who accept me they way i am and love me and giving me everything i ask for.
Thank you

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Random thoughts

today is considered the 1st night in really didn't go as i wished, seems tht it's time to fall apart for a while.
i feel lifeless....pathetic... looking forward to a better tomorrow...looking forward to a better ramadan...and looking forward to c my eldest sister very soon :) isA

Monday, August 09, 2010

Reality bites

today and yesterday wasn't so good for me, i really feel so bad... i'm on the edge of losing a gr8 friend of mine simply coz i'm telling her the truth..
it might be hard to listen to wht u don't want to believe. but i guess it much better than building fake hopes and living a big lie.
anyways, i think i'll go for wht's right...i'm not that kinda person who compliment others just to make them feel better...
maybe one day she'll understand...or maybe she'll remain hating me forever..

Saturday, August 07, 2010

Hijabi Bassist Rocks Cairo

Before getting up on stage, Shams Ahmed makes sure her hijab and pin are properly in place and checks the guitar straps so they don’t get stuck in her hijab.

Ahmed, 23, English teacher, freelance journalist and bass guitarist is part of a band called MetalloidZ. She formed the band with her friends in Cairo, Egypt.

“We started three years ago,” she said. “We were making the band for fun then we started to [make] it be more professional.”

MetalloidZ has performed at several shows and concerts. The songs are all in English. The band members, with Shams Ahmed playing the bass guitar, also include: Mohammed Anwar, rhythm guitar; Mohammed Shazli, lead guitar; Islam Taha, drummer; Seif Al-Islam, vocalist and Radwa Anwar, keyboardist.

“Most of the songs are life songs. We try to make the songs to have a certain point not just some lyrics,” she said.

Their most recent song is titled “One,” which talks about the thoughts that run through one’s head when praying to God. They composed a total of seven songs and hope to sell an album in the future. Some of their songs are on YouTube.

Ahmed learned to play the guitar when the group started forming the band. She played the violin a long time ago and was inspired to play the bass guitar when her friends told her about the band.

“I never thought I would play bass guitar because it’s not girly at all,” she said.

Wearing hijab (or headscarf) and playing the guitar is an anomaly to many. The keyboardist, Radwa Anwar, also wears hijab, but joined the band recently.

“People ask me, how come you’re veiled and you’re memorizing Qur'an, but at the same time you’re [in a band]. It’s not related,” Ahmed said.

Although her family is supportive for the most part, some a few of her friends criticize her.

“Maybe if God knows what I’m doing is wrong, [then] maybe he would prevent me from doing it or give me any kind of signs,” she said. But I think it’s okay especially because we don’t just write songs, we want to make something with a purpose; not just singing and that’s it. We are all respectable to each other.”

Others think that her being a hijab-wearing guitarist is inspiring.

“The audience finds it pretty much interesting. Even when I talked to the students I teach they were so impressed that I play guitar and wear [hijab] at the same time. They’re like “oh wow you play guitar and wear a veil at the same time.” I gave them a positive way to think about hijab. You don’t have to be narrow-minded and do just little things while wearing hijab.”

Ahmed believes her band is special because she dons hijab. Her friends from London and the U.S. also support her.

“They like the idea that I don’t have to change my life: I don’t have to wear tight clothes and put make up and go crazy with my head to play music. [It’s] very nice to know you’re doing something different than others. Other bands in Egypt have girls-- it’s not special, just like any other band. But we’re special.”

An issue she thinks about is how males might perceive her, since it’s not culturally acceptable for a female, let alone a female wearing hijab, to be in a band. She said that when she gets engaged in the future she will have to think of a way to convince her fiancé to let her continue playing with MetalloidZ.

“I’ll try to convince him by playing him a song,” she said.

this article was written about me by a dear friend of mine aya khalil ^^, thnx aya for making me famous!
here is the link of the article

Sunday, August 01, 2010

Inspired by "lovely bones"

I had a dream
I was drowning in a stream
I woke up with no pain
My body was in vain

But I can easily move around
Searching through the crowd

Waving my hands up high
Trying to make any sign
screaming out loud
But my voice vanished in the crowd
seeing people like flying ghosts
Walking through a fig, I'm totally lost
seeking any place to go
Where am i? and why am I here ?
I don't know
I'm still moving with the flow
Searching for some land
For someone to reach my hand
For some where safe and warm
Some place that I can call…."home"
I can see it far a
Where I stand at the edge of earth
Crossing the horizon
Till the other side of universe
Getting closer, getting near
Seems I'm almost here
In the perfect world
I finally reached heaven
I'm finally… home

:) i just wrote that today but it's still nameless i was inspired by the movie "lovely bones" it was one gr8 movie that i'll always remember

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Random thoughts-17

my feelings r really confusing me...i don't understand anything.
but i feel my life is changing..better things r coming my way isA. i feel my life has a meaning.
all these pictures inside my head....all these thoughts i want to write.
i really wanna start...i wanna b bk...isA expect my new long post by tomorrow... :) i'm excited already!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

random thoughts-17

i'm so happy coz almost all of my best friends got married , i'm soooo excited to c their little bitty kids ^^.
and as usual...ppl and mum can't stop saying "3o2balek" for 1019272639302846 zillion times.
i just believe tht my time will come one day when i'm ready. it's a life time and choices should be taken carefully.
i'm not a normal person and obviously i need a weirdo like me =).
so far no one really grabs my attention , although i know many ppl around...but so far no one really meets my freaking inner self

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Random thoughts-15

is it silly to feel tht u want to disappear for a while , just to c if there any one will miss me ?
i hate facebook
i hate msn msngr.
i'll take a big break from both...

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

When i was young

few days ago we took this song at the teaching course it's very very interesting, we all loved it...i'll leave u with the lyrics of the song...

When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful,
a miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical.
And all the birds in the trees, well they'd be singing so happily,
joyfully, playfully watching me.
But then they send me away to teach me how to be sensible,
logical, responsible, practical.
And they showed me a world where I could be so dependable,clinical, intellectual, cynical.
There are times when all the world's asleep,
the questions run too deepfor such a simple man.
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learnedI know it sounds absurd
but please tell me who I am.
Now watch what you say or they'll be calling you a radical,
liberal, fanatical, criminal.Won't you sign up your name,
we'd like to feel you'reacceptable, respecable, presentable, a vegtable!
At night, when all the world's asleep,the questions run so deepfor such a simple man.
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
but please tell me who I am.

the logic song by supertramp

Thursday, July 01, 2010

23 yrs ago...

23 yrs ago i came to this world, i wish i can remember my 1st days as a baby and how it felt like to open my eyes on many ppl smiling...
when i asked my mum why did they call me shams ?. she told me tht i was born with the sun rise and there was a song on the radio for farid el atrsh i guess called " shams el aseel" or something like my dad picked the name shams.
thank u dad :)
i didn't really expect to get so many happy birthday wishes. it was gr8 to see all these family and even my students, i loved the "happy birthday miss shams" ^^ i'll never express how it made me feel.
i admit being 22 was really gr8 i really loved it...i did many things.
-i joined one of the most great organizations AYB.
- there i knew many gr8 ppl i really respect and appreciate them all, so glad to call them..friends.
- i was a teacher of 19 cutie-devil kids...i'm so proud of them and i ADORE them.
-i finally joined the IG department and i think i finally found my way, although i struggled but i think i'll do gr8 isA.

i need to go to bed now.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Random thoughts-17

i think i'm back to astral ! yetserday a gr8 feeling of vibration just like i used to when i used to astral project. it was very hard tht i was scared to death, i woke up from my bed and went to sleep beside my mum lol. it's was a really weird feeling...feeling ur whole body paralized...ur eyes r half opened half closed....and ur pretty aware of every little thing around u...and ur feel scared coz u feel like dying...u try to wake up and u can't open ur eyes...
amazing....i wish i can stop waking up...

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Random thoughts-16

i miss writing so much, sometims i feel tht i'm going alittle bit far of my dream. it all started with writing and end up with teaching. it not tht i hate teaching but i have my other plans.
anyways rit now i'm trying to go to the IG dep. at the school i'm working at. i am really struggling and facing lots of problems coz of tht. they think tht a 22 years old like me can't deal with older kids...and i'm looking forward to change this idea isA.
my mum is sad coz i'm not engaged till now :( and she feels i don't want ot get married coz i keep refusing the past few grooms. it's not tht i don't want to, but i still can't find the person tht i can spend my life time with...the person who can love my weird freak character as it is and enjoy my craziness
i know i'm stubborn and silly and want to make lots of things in short time and tht's almost impossible. but, this is me...yes i'm tht perosn.
i'm a weird character...yes...
i'm a girl who loves her veil, trying to be close to God as much as i can, i'm memorizing Quraan as much as i can. yet, i love being with the band..metal and rock r her best genre. another side simply loves mahmoud el eseily , monier and sometimes even amr diab.
the only sport i like is wrestling and always wanted to play kick boxing...and LOVES doing yoga.
although seems quite and innocent...i love horror movies, i got my self a bike...and yes i ride it outside the house.
i don't like cats like most of the gurls, i'm in love with DOGS...and i don't put on make up even when going to interviews..
i like doing everything and trying everything new.....i wish i can take noble prize one day... have my own magazine...and i also added improving education in egypt in my plan :).
it's hard to bare all this and i think egypt is out of extra ordinary guys
... lol although it's me but i wouldn't like to live with a person like tht :D

Saturday, June 05, 2010

Random thoughts-15

today was really so weird although i was so happy and had so much fun...i brust into tears at the end of the day.
i feel my life is only a waste of time, i hate to be tht frustrated but my life been a totally messed up. i'm torned btw too many things tht it makes me so confused. i'm not sure if teaching is my field or shall i try something else. right now all the doors r seems to be closed in my face.
i wish i could a journalist as i've always wanted to be. i'm really happy with my writing as a freelance...but i was waiting for much more...riting interesting articles...being wanted by international magazines....having my own column and having my own magazine one day.
i'm almost 23 and still in the middle of nowhere, i wish i could reach wht i want in a very young age.
nothing is impossible, but sometimes life stuck things in ur way and u have to take sometimes to stand on ur feets.
right now i feel i should whtever i'm doing and have a big break before my negativity ruine others....
please God please don't leave me

Sunday, May 09, 2010

random thoughts-14

all of a sudden i feel tht the world is big for me,

i feel so little , actually so tiny.

my dreams with my hopes, keeps flying away.

my heart and my mind keeps me in confusion, utterly.

i feel so weak against my fears.

my passion gradually disappears.

it seems i'm a bit frustarted, i know

almost everybody been telling me so.

i didn't mean to come out with this as a poem

but my hands kept on rhyming

as i sit sleepless till dawn

this might be stupid..might means nothing at all

but it's only my random thoughts...before i starts to fall.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

random thoughts-13

i'm so sleeeeeepy i had one big gr8 day...bas i'm happy :) still confused but happy. i went back home to my sweet home embaba (L) today. it's gr8 to have those flashback every once in a while. i really wanna finish this yr ba2a :( and rest! can't wait till may !
i feel i'm getting weirder every day lol and ppl just can't stop talking abt it. and i really don't get me's like i'm doing very random - un related things to the what ever . that makes me one freak akward character :D.
i don't know where am i going...bas i don't want to drift away....i hate building hopes esp when i know tht it's 150% not gonna work. i admit i do hang with very thin strings.
i really didn't get anything from wht i'm riting now....i'm just laying on my bed with the laptop on a pillow and letting my random thoughts out before i go to sleep...and now i should really sleep coz i'll wake up early again :'(

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Random thoughts-12

my life have been so confusing...i hate beeing busy! grrrrrr it's been a long while since i wrote a good poem :( or even an article.
i started to do more things in my life...keeping my mind busy busy....but i still think and sometimes bad thoughts control my head. i miss those days when i used to have happy dreams and thoughts before sleeping..
and once again a question pop into my head.. who am i? and wht am i doing here?

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Radom thoughts -11

Today was a very happy day :) elhamdolelah...i'm sooooo lucky to have such parents.

i can't believe i finally made a dream come true, i finally got a bike...a cute, purple, pinkish one..

i wasn't planning on buying any today, i was only going to pass by...but i saw it and was so in love's like it was calling me to buy her...*yes i treat my things as pets*.

many ppl told tht i'm too old to ride a bike in the streets and some of them even made fun of me...but they never knew how much i really love the feeling of getting back to childhood, the feeling of running fast and fast till i feel as if i'm flying. and the fresh air hit my face and flirt my hair.

i'm sry to tell u ppl...but i don't give a damn abt wht u say...i don't care if i'm a gurl or a boy...if i'm old or young...

it something tht makes me extremly happy...and tht wht really matter to me...

i love u my new bike...i love you u sushi *tht's wht i called her* :)

Monday, March 22, 2010

Random thought -10

Mother's day was so quite this year, but i got my first present from one of my children in the class. it was really cute as i never got a present on mother's made me think for a while..."am i ever gonna be a mother?".
actually i'm glad of my job as a teacher this year i never thought i can deal with kids who r only 3 and 4 years old.
on this mother's day, i miss my granie the most...tht angel who used to care abt me the most.
of all the ppl...i know she the most person on earth who really truly loved me and cared abt me.
i miss my dogs so much, they were the only creatures who made me trust them.
i have a great feeling of depression , i want to go awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay and planning on it isA.

Saturday, March 06, 2010

Random thoughts-9

U told me once tht we would reach the end, and here we are we got there so fast. Too bad we have to get old and busy.
U were so just DAMN true , I know u stopped reading my blog coz ur so "busy" but maybe if u passed by coincidently u'd know tht this post was for U.i miss u my friend.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Random thoughts-8

i wonder where did the ppl who care abt the inside more than the out side go?.
ummm... resently i've realized that i'm really blessed, i thank God for making me the way i am, for giving me such wonderfull things...such brain...such soul...such heart.
i'm much better than many other people around the world..i have my hands and legs, i can read, write , communicate , learn and feel...many many things to mention.
i'm so happy and pleased with everything i have...really "elhamdolelah".
i'm happy i wasnt born beautiful or rich or famous.
my friends loves me the way i dogs loved parents and family loves me, and most of all if God didn't love me , he wouldn't have created me.
too bad some people judge us for not being what they wanted us to be.For God's sake try to use your minds clearly.
Thank you my lord for giving me everything i need and for surrounding me with such amazing peopl and angels , i hope i worth all of this.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Random thought-7

i've been thinking alot latly,i don't know why i still think of you as if i lost you yesterday.anyway after letting it on more time *and i hope it's the last* , it's seems better to keep it tht way. thinking that we didn't belong in this world, nothing we can do except for moving on keeping our memories boxed up safe in our hearts. letting it out whenever we feel tht we miss eachothers.i don't wanna waste my life thinking "was it really meant to be or not" coz if it was it, u'd probably still b here.
i'm glad with the person i am now, despite the bad side, but u left me a part of u tht grew up within me.
i wont wonder if this thought is the same to you or not, but i'll believe it is even if it was a lie.
now good night my beloved memories, it's time to get back inside the box.

Thursday, January 21, 2010


تحمست كثيراً عندما عرفت انه كاتبها هي...فاطلما احبتت قراءة مواضيعها لما تتميز بقوة و جرأة لم التقي بها غير مره واحده فقط لكني وجدت انسانه رقيقه و جميله حبوبه للغايه تحدثت معي و كأنها تعرفنى منذ الصغر. لم اكن اتخيل ان تكون هذه الفتاة الجميلة تستطيع كتابة هذه الموضوعات بهذه الجرأة و شدتني كثيرا مدونتها التي تتحدث عن التعذيب فى مصر!
بدون مبالغه ...اعجبت بها جدا و اتخذتها قدوه لى فهي فعلاً تستحق ان تكون مثل اعلى للأخرين.
انا حقا ادين بالكثير لها، فهي اول من ساعدنى فى طريقى الى الصحافه و اول من عرفني بالمجله التى فتحت لى ابوابها. قد لا نكون قد تعرفنا الى بعض بشكل كبير حيث اننى لم اقابلها الا مرة واحده فقط...لكنها وثقت فى و فى قدراتى وقدمت لى كل وسائل المساعده كانها تعرفني منذ الصغر..
هي حقا جميله...من اجمل الاشخاص التي قبلتها فى حياتي...و سعيده جدا انها كانت من الذين مروا بحياتي و تركوا فيها تأثيرا عميق.
انتظرت يوم حفلة التوقيع بفارغ الصبر...لاننى افتقدتها و فعلا كنت اتمني رؤيتها. مر اليوم سريعا و لكن الطريق كان طوييييييييييييل فا وجدت نفسي الاحق الجزء الاخير من حفلة التوقيع...و اخيرا وصلت و كنت فى اشد السعاده برؤيتها بالرغم من انها لم تكن اكثر من 10 دقائق....لكني كنت فى شده السعاده لرؤيتها.
الحقيقه كان يوم حافلاً! فكانت اول مرة ان اقابل صديق لى لم اراه من قبل...و اعتقد انها سوف تكون اخر مره فقد انتظرني حفظه الله لمدة ساعه و نصف تعرف فيها على كل معالم وسط البلد السياحيه!.
لم استطيع الانتظار حتى وصولى للمنزل و قراءة الكتاب...فا قررت قرأته فى رحله العوده الى المنزل و عندما فتحت اول صفحه ابتسمت على وجهى ابتسامه عريضه عندما قرأت الإهداء التى كتبته لى....
لم اكن اتخيل ان يكون الكتاب مثير لهذه الدرجه حيث اننى انتهيت منه فى نفس اليوم...
لم يكن كتاب عن السياسه المصريه او الصراخات النسائيه...
لكنه كان قصص قصيره للاطفال و الكبار...يأخذك الى عالم الطفوله الجميله البريئه...فى كل قصه ترى نفسك فيها و تأخذك الى الماضي. و فعلاً رأيت طفولتي فى كل قصه كتبتها و أخذنى خيالى الى العالم التى طالما احببت العوده اليه.
اكثر قصه اعجبتنى هى قصه الله...و هى القصه الاخيره. فا فى شكل طريف تتحدث عن فهم الاطفال لعمليه الخلق و سؤالهم السؤال المعتاد..."انا جيت ازاى" فذكرتني بنفسى و انا اسئل نفسى هذه السئله لكن لم يستطيع احد ان يرد بجواب مقنع حتي كبرت و فهمت معنى الحياة....
الى من يريد الهروب من عالم الكبار و الذهاب الى دنيا الاطفال ...كتاب "تستاهلى" هو بوابه لدخول عالم الماضي.
صديقتى الجميله نهى عاطف...انتي بالنسبه لى جزء من كل شئ جميل فهذه الحياة...انا اعرف ان كلامى هذا قد لا يعني شئ...و كنت فى بدايه كتابتى انوى التحدث الا عن الكتاب، لكن وجدت يدى تنطلق بدون تفكير فى كتابه هذه السطور المتواضعه..
حفظكي الله و اتمنى لكى كل التقدم لأنكى تستحقيه....
أحمد صلاح...اشكرك و اعتذر عن "اللطعه"
ملحوظه: سامحونى على الأخطاء الإملائيه :)

Monday, January 11, 2010

Random thought-6

i feel like i wanna be alone, it was a weird day actually. i woke up smiling on a very dear friend msg, although i don't feel i deserve what she said to me... i feel i hate my self to the extreme.
i wanna close my eyes and b somewhere else, i wanna sleep and never wake up.
i can't stand myself sometimes and can't even stand the world around me.
rit now i feel like crying and feel i miss some things from the past.
i need to go now, have loads of work to do but i'm glad that i had sometime to vent.

Saturday, January 09, 2010

Random Rhymed thoughts1

sometimes i have few thoughts running through my head
so i write these words before i go to bed
the weird thing sometimes rhymes...

It's been years since we were done
I'm sorry
But your pain is not easy to over come
I don’t know if I can ever forgive or forget
But it kills me whenever I regret
I don't know what I'm waiting for
sometimes I wish to love you once more
Years come and go
We have changed
And I realized that I'm becoming *you*
In everything you say In everything you do