Monday, October 29, 2007
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Saturday, October 27, 2007
For all the hearts that been broken
For all the tears that been shed
For all the souls that been falling
For all the lies that been said
For all the dreams that faded away
For all the love that can never stay
For all the times we tried
For all the years we lived and smiled
For all the pain you caused to me
For all the passion inside of me
For all the wishes I wished for us
For all the people I no more trust
For all the scars in her and me
For everything you turned to be
It’s time to heal and change my life
It’s time to cut your picture with a knife
It’s time to leave all the past behind
It’s time to get off the dark, long night
It’s time for you , her and me
To move on
And forget the word “HE”
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
I never thought I’d meet her coincidence in the CTA.
I was sitting in the front seat with my best friend on our way to Mahaad El awarm, when I saw Ingy getting into the CTA…
I was puzzled!! I was like OH MY God I CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S U! , the thing is I was just thinking abt her on the way and decided to call her when I get home…empathy is really working well with me lol.
I found my self screaming her name INGY INGY, and we both were stunned lol.
As I wanted her to sit beside me I asked my colg friend if I can sit on her leggs for a while =D.
I really missed her so much…and till now I can’t believe I saw her!
We talked and talked and kept staring at eachothers as if been yrs.
I was so excited as the beginning of my day and off course I couldn’t let her leave without taking a pic for her.
She also introduced me to a friend of her and told tht her friend was a fan of mine! She gets teenstuff and read my poems…she even search for my poems by name in each issue…
She said “ I’m so happy to meet u , I love ur poems ur so gr8 msA, and u sometimes makes me cry too , really I’m so so glad”
I blushed :B
In my life I never knew I was known..i never knew tht anyone really reads my poems..and OH MY GOD I have fans?!
We talked for a while and I was happy to know tht there ppl who believe in me..ppl I don’t know and never met…
Tht made me overwhelmed!!!
After Ingy and her friend get down for their station…we were on our way to mahaad al awram….
Then after sometimes we got there and I saw the rest of our friends waiting out side…then we entered the place…and honestly I was kinda shaking and my heart started to beat little bit faster…I was worried abt my reaction.
The place wasn’t as bad as I thought…it wasn’t so crowed , but it was in action all day.
Big halls with seats, a cafeteria in a corner for tea and coffee, and little place selling some sandwiches…
Everyone was kinda silent…sitting , drinking and waiting…
I hate waiting..
Then I noticed some ppl carrying their kids..even old kids like 12 yrs old…
Kids were both gurls and boys…little gurls putting on small hats or veils.
Boys wearing caps..sometimes without…there was just no hair..
The building is so huge abt 6 floors or something…we went to the 4th and 5th floor were we visited some chambers and a new library they r going to open by nxt week..
And again there was a medium halls with seats…
Again many parents outside sitting…some sitting on the stairs…some one the ground..even some were sleeping on their bags *some ppl came from long distance*
We didn’t enter any of the kids chambers..
I glanced and felt pain all over my body…I felt the pain of needles , pills and chemical medication…
There were many ages…starting from 1 yr old till 18 yrs old…
I looked at the parents for a while…they were all sitting..waiting for the unknown , crying without tears…
That was hard…and when we were abt to leave…I started to tear…
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
well i thought abt riting abt myslef and thnx to who suggested and supported me =Dactually it can be like my biography...so here it is my 1st biography ever in my blog =)
Name: Shams Ahmed Mohamed Mostafa El-Hewify
Nickname: SunShine =)
Date of birth: 29th june 1987
Home: raised in Imbaba, giza had a life time in Zamalek living in 6 october
Studies:Faculty of Specific Education , Mass com. dep.
I'm a poet: i love poetry and write english poems
I'm a writer: i love writing, it's the only thing i can do well *i guess*
I'm a musician: i played violin and now playing bass guitar
I'm a reader: i love reading novels soemtimes books, i love reading abt metaphysics.
I'm a human being: i think ppl r all humans no one's higher than anyone we r all gonna die, i hate humilation and stealing most.
i'm looking forward to be the best muslim journalist and take noble prize, i'll also have my own magazin someday isA..
i love animals
i adore dogs as pets they r the best animals =)
i hate cats ans pigs i adore music...english mostly and all kinds of music starting with romantice and pop ending with rock and metal
i like movies...esp. comedy and horrer
i like learning abt super natural powers *ESP* and all the metaphysics world and i'm kinda getting good in it and even rit articles abt it
i like trying new things and everthing *almost*
most people tell me tht i'm empathatic, i have strong empathy ability lol and it's something i'm proud of...feeling others is a gr8 bless =)
i guess tht's all for now..dunno wht else to say if i remembered anything i'll edit isA =)
thnx alot for reading
Saturday, October 20, 2007
y do i get the feeling tht i'm losing everyone around me?...
don't give up on me...i don't wanna be alone...plz
i don't want to pretend happiness anymore...i want to feel it
i wish i can stop crying...fed of it...
WHERE THE HELL R U!
just stay with me!!! it's not alot to ask for!!!!
I WANT TO GET THE DEVIL OUT OF MY MIND!!!!
I PROMISE MY NXT POST WILL BE BETTER THAN THT !
Friday, October 19, 2007
shouldn't i rit something useful instead?
umm....maybe riting abt myself is nonesense but i still got a point!....i mean maybe i don't rit impressing things ...but once in a while someone can get anything from it.
my mind is numb now..i can't think of anything...am not sure of wht i'm riting...
rn't i babling now?
ok i'm going...
Monday, October 15, 2007
Well I couldn't tell you
why she felt that way,She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.
What's wrong, whats wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs,
where she belongs.
She wants to go home,
but nobody's home.
That's where she lies,
With no place to go, no place to go,
to dry her eyes.
Open your eyes and look outside,
find the reasons why.
You've been rejected,
and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs,
where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
That's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go,
to dry her eyes.
Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's falling from grace.
She's all over the place!
nobody's home by: Avril lavigne
Sunday, October 14, 2007
that when you look at me
There's so much that you just don't see
you would only take the time
I know in my heart you'd find
A girl who's scared sometimes
Who isn't always strong
Can't you see the hurt in me?
I feel so all alone
I wanna run to you
(oooh) I wanna run to you
Won't you hold me in your arms
And keep me safe from harm
I wanna run to you (oooh)
But if I come to you (oooh)
Tell me, will you stay
or will you run away
I play the role Of someone
always in control
But at night I come home and turn the key
There's nobody there,
no one cares for me
What's the sense of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with
Tell me what does it mean?
I need you here
I need you here
to wipe away my tears
To kiss away my fears
If you only knew how much...
by: whiteny huosten
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
y i don't tell ppl when i'm sad from them?
is tht weakness???
i still can't sleep
i think i'm busy thinking...
but wht am i thinking of?
tomorrow? or after?..y do i feel so confused?
i'm afraid to go and walk into my past...i'm afraid to get hurt by the present
"i was me but now she's gone "
am i fading into black?
i should get a new hair cut..makes me feel like a new born
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
today is the 27th of ramadan..lalylt al qadr..
ramadan went so fast and soon all the demons will be free again one more time
so prepare for the war...
tht reminded me with the quote in the terminator movie "I'LL BE BACK" loool
u know honestly i found out tht there r humans who r worse than the demons and devils them selves...yes... and even deserve more than HELL
anyways i decided to enjoy the last moments of ramadan...no matter wht and no matter who
i want to feel the bless
i want to catch anything before the world becomes up side down again
اللهم انك عفو كريم تحب العفو فعفو عنا
do they really mean so?, but wht do they do to prove their care?
i hate it when ppl make me feel tht i'm pathetic....don't feel sry for me...
sometimes i hate being online..coz simply sum ppl don't care enf to ask except when i'm ONLINE....
and it goes like "oh u don't come online tht much"
well...it's nice of u to notice tht...but i think when i die...u wont even know it...
u know wht?...
Sunday, October 07, 2007
a moment make u happy
the folllowing make u sad
y do we always seek happieness?
is happieness gonna make us happy?
is there sumthing called happieness?
i don't know...am i happy?
even happieness make us tear sometimes
is it normal to feel ur life is upside down?
is it normal to feel sad without a reason?
i was told many times tht my words r full of sadness
but it's a part of wht inside me
i'm not pessimistic
and i don't know y am sad now
days r passing i'm not feeling with much progress
i feel i'm wasting my time breathing
a bit useless
am i killing myself?
i want someone to slap me on my face so i'd wake up
p.s: thnx for whom stood by me all the nit chatting..i really appreciate tht and sry for wasting ur time =) i'm glad i gained a new friendship
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Thursday, October 04, 2007
i don't know y
but i had this stronge thought of death
wht makes ppl think tht death is a bad thing?
i just felt i'm sick of my self
i hate to feel tht i'm a weak person
i hate to feel tht i have to obay the orders without talking
have to listen and be silent for wht i hate
have to be hypocrite and say wht i don't wanna say
isn't tht weakness?
for how long is it gonna be bearable?
ان ليك عند الكلب حاجه قوله يا سيدى
nothing else i can say......
حسبنا الله و نعم الوكيل
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
اول اولويه فى حياتك عيلتك ولا شغلك ولا اصحابك؟
ايه اكتر حاجه بتحبها فى رمضان؟
اوصف ليا اجمل فطار ممكن تفطره؟
لو انت حاكم على مجموعه من الافراد هتكون عادل؟؟ طب هتعمل ايه عشان تتأكد انك حاكم عادل؟
اللى بيبوظ الحكام..نفسهم ؟ ولا الشعب ؟ ولا الحاشية المقربة؟؟
كلهم حاجه واحده بنى ادم فا الكل مظلوم و الكل مسؤل
مين أكتر اعلامي مصري بتحترمه؟
قريت ديوان عمر مصطفى صاحب بلوج تجربه " اسباب وجيهه للفرح" عن دار ملامح و لا لسه ؟؟ لو اه ايه رايك فيه؟؟
ايه تانى بلد تتمنى تعيش فيها بعد مصر؟
اوصف ليا ترتيبات اجمل فرح ممكن تحضرها؟
بتراعي كلام الناس والقيل والقال؟ لو اه او لو لا قول لى ليه؟
لما تحب تهرب من كل شئ بتروح فين؟
بتشرب سجاير؟ لو الاجابه اه ايه شعورك لو شفت ست بتشرب سجاير؟ وليه ؟
بتعرف ايدك اليمين من الشمال ازاي؟
ايه اكتر اله موسيقيه بتحبها ؟
ايه الحاجه اللى لو حصلتلك تبقى سعيد قوى؟؟
تختار يبقى عندك...ارض زراعيه ولا اجنس عربيات و لا كام عماره و لا فلوس فى البنك؟؟
البحر و لا النيل؟
مركب و لا طياره؟؟
مجنون و لا عاقل؟
تقرأ كتاب و لا تتفرج عليه فيلم؟
امتى قولت ياااااااااااااااااااااااااااااه انا كبرت؟
Monday, October 01, 2007
That I’m truly free
This piece of scarf on me,
I wear so proudly…”
Those words were by Sami yusuf, I love hearing this song so much, and it makes me recall some very old memories…
When I first wore my veil, my hijab…
Back to 2001 / 2002 I was about 13 or 14 years old in 3rd prep school, I was like all the other girls looking forward to get a new short haircut, maybe cool highlights too..
And as for clothes I couldn’t take off my eyes of that baby blue jeans and the hot pink top…I got to get those! That was my main target.
Although my two sisters were veiled, this idea never crossed my mind for a second, I was happy the way I am, I’m a good person even if I’m not wearing a veil, I mean I feast , I pray and everything else…so it’s not a big deal.
No one really talked me about hejab before even my mum which was so great because I didn’t want to talk about it. I was kind of avoiding it when ever it’s mentioned from anyone.
My best friend was the only veil girl in our class, she was doing her best to convince me with it but I was closing all the doors…I never knew why I never tried to listen and give it chance before then I figured out that I was only trying to…hide.
Hiding from a truth and hiding for doing a right thing…yes I didn’t want to admit that.
At the beginning of the school week as me and my best friend were walking way home I found her giving me tape saying: “would you only hear this please? I think you will like it…and maybe you would wear it by the end of the week”.
As I loved her so much I had to take the tape…I kept thinking on my way home…to hear or not to hear the tape…
I decided to put on the tape and give it a shot, it’s not going to harm anyway…few minuets and I started to cry…I closed my eyes…I imagine my self standing in front of God…asking me...”did anyone convince you with praying? Did anyone convince you with fasting?”…I was speechless…no comment…that what I was fearing to hear. That was what I kept running from.
It’s not the man in the tape who made a change point in my life…put his words and his way opened a new door inside my self. A new way of thinking.
I kept thinking…how I love to make anything that could please my mum and dad and how I’m so thankful for everything they gave to me and made me the way I am….so what about my Lord who created me by himself from the first place?...isn’t he the most ONE I should try to please first? Isn’t he the ONE who really made me the way I am?...giving me all I want?...and I still need someone to convince me with what he asks for?....I hated myself when I thought of that very very much…but I thought if God didn’t love me he wouldn’t have let me hear the tape. I mean I had the chance not to hear it…so for the 1st time in my life…I felt love and bliss.
So, I couldn’t wait for the end of the week to wear it, I couldn’t go to school without it at all…although I had no suitable clothes for it or even scarves…but girls can always mange things when they want so I asked my sisters for help and they didn’t disappoint me. =)
I was so excited to go to school with it and see how my friends going to react especially my best friend…
I entered and here it was a very big wooooow in the playground all my friends staring at me smiling and kissing me as if I got engaged, and my best friend took my hands showing me to everyone around…I was extremely happy until I heard something that really shocked me… a friend of mine said...”what the hell you did to yourself!!! Take it off quickly!!! QUICKLY!” she wasn’t the only one who shocked me that day.
I was stunned for a while…I didn’t know what to say…I went home a little bit frustrated and prayed, I was complaining to God. Is that what I get? I thought that will make me much better person not a freak!
I calmed down for a while and started realizing that the way is not going to be so easy. No way is a piece of cake you have to fight and be strong…not to fall down. And this thing worth fighting for.
Many many things came on my way telling me take it off, take it off, I was more like struggling in this world but I enjoyed it because for the 1st time in my life I felt I was fighting for my right as a normal muslim girl.
Actually there were 2 main things i was fighting about, fighting for my veil and fighting against it.
My 1st battle was with people who think that wearing it makes me narrow minded, strict, and not COOL girl, more like hiding my head completely not just my HAIR. I once heard from a guy that he won’t let his wife wear the veil because he thinks she will look like servants and he definitely can’t go out with her that way!
Now I want to ask a question.. Did anyone noticed before that nuns wear the same thing on their hear? Yes they are VEILD with long dresses and long sleeves. Can anyone show them disrespect or call them servants?
My 2nd battle was with VEILD girls. When sometimes I asked my friends about wearing the veil they say…” don’t you see the veil girls in streets? “. It’s a shame how some girls disrespect their veil and even wear it for other intentions. And that how people get bad ideas about veiled girls and some how Muslims in general.
And now I will ask you another question…we can’t judge all people like one, can we?
I’m not trying to convince girls with wearing the veil and I’m not trying to be some kind of new “She5a”, I’m sharing my experience hoping I can open the door for someone…and hoping that every girl would respect enough her hijab, and finally hoping that people won’t think we are empty headed girls…
“Why can’t you just accept me?” she says“Why can’t I just be me?” she saysTime and time again
You speak of democracy
Yet you rob me of my libertyAll I want is equalityWhy can’t you just let me be free?”….
By a proud veiled girl : Sunshine (20)