Sunday, February 20, 2011

Falling In Love

 As any other girl, I’ve been searching for love. My heart is full of emotions and feelings; I’m passionate and need to get these feelings out.

I wanted to fall in love with someone, and I tried once. But it wasn’t meant to be. I was happy that I didn’t give my feelings away in the wrong direction, and I was lucky to save the ecstasy of sharing my love with the right person, who will come right on my way.

 I decided to find love where else, vent the great power of emotions. I looked for another figure of love I went through the divine world, discovered a world where the pure love is. I started to get closer to God, and by getting closer…I deeply fell in love.

As we – human- we tend to get more into the tangible things. Things we can feel with our hands see with our eyes or listen with our ears.
However when it comes to the heart and soul, we start to feel abstract things, moral things like happiness, sadness, love and hate etc.

I once read something that explained the love between the Creator (Allah) and us, and how did the whole 
relationship started. It was all summarized in one beautiful verse in suret Qaf that says:

 يدوَلَقَدْ خَلَقْنَا الْإِنْسَانَ وَنَعْلَمُ مَا تُوَسْوِسُ بِهِ نَفْسُهُ وَنَحْنُ أَقْرَبُ إِلَيْهِ مِنْ حَبْلِ الْوَر

“We have created man and we know what his own self whispers to him, and we are nearer to him than his jugular vein”

The jugular vein is one of the most important veins, which lies in our neck and gives great amount blood to the brain; it’s very sensitive and most likely what attaches us to life.

I’m not sure of the true meaning of the verse, but I felt that it meant that God is very close to us more than we can imagine, the simile shows how close we are and how much we are bonded…he created us with his own hands, no wonder he knows us pretty well.

It’s more like a mother and a child relationship, we grow up loving our parents because they brought us to life, they raised us up, and they gave us all what we need. We love them for no reason, we love them because we belong with them, and we are part of them.
We r attached with an unseen bond, no matter how we get far our natural instant bring us back again.

When God created us, he made us from earth dust, and then filled our souls with his. That’s why we are created from two parts, a part that is connected with earth and another connected with heavens and as we grow older each part tries to pull us towards it more.

No matter how far we go we always feel that something is pulling us towards God, and yes…he loves us very much he knows us all very well…because he created us, he put something from him in us.
We sometimes cry while we are praying, or when we are watching the magnificent universe around us this is the way we feel the great love within.

I felt love in this duaa:

اللهم ارزقني حبك و حب من احبك و حب عملاً يقربنى الى حبك 

“O Allah, bless me with your love and the love of people who loves you and the love of things that can brings me closer to your Love”

I never stop saying this duaa, I became in love with everything and everyone, I felt as if I want to embrace the universe , I spread the love for the people who deserve, my students , my family , my friends, my teaching and my writings and even myself.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Me,after the 25th (part 3) letter from a granddaughter

Dear grandpa,

I miss u a lot, well I know we haven’t seen eachother before but mum talks abt u a lot. I’m shams ur youngest granddaughter from your youngest daughters.
Ever since I was a kid I used to ask mum abt you,she told me tht u were in the military. You joined it as a volunteer and u r considered as one of the “Zobat el a7rar”. I felt so happy to hear ur stories and how u served our country when u traveled to Syria in the “we7da watneya” between Egypt and Syria.
I have a picture for you in my wallet you were wearing your military suit…I’m so happy to have it.
Actually I wanted to tell you tht I witnessed something tht I’m so proud of, so lucky to c with my own eyes and live to tell my kids abt. we had something tht changed history and added to our past series of revolutions. All the world was talking abt Egypt and the Egyptian ppl.
We finally spoke and asked for our rights, we changed the president and the regime and the whole system we even cleaned the streets. We struggled for about 18 days after waiting for 30 years.
I can tell you grandpa u can be proud of me as much as I’m proud of u, however I didn’t have the chance to take part in the revolution itself *thnx to your  daughter (mum) she kept me at home and didn’t let me go,she made for  us her own curfew *
I stayed at home grandpa, but I wrote notes for everyday, I wrote some articles and translated over 10 articles about the revolution know it’s not enough..deep in my heart I wished to be one of those martyrs , but I know God kept me for a great role as well. Maybe I wasn’t able to take part of the change process but I can take part of letting it go on and happened. I started with sharing in cleaning the streets of cairo.
It was a great day grandpa! Seeing all tahrir covered with Egyptian flags was awesome, seeing all ppl one hand was gr8.
I wish I can volunteer in the military like u grandpa, I became a journalist and a teacher instead lol. I believe I can reach my mission through these 2 things and I have gr8 passion for them, I’ll be able to make a change in the nxt generation..thank God I’m on my way to success wish me luck on taking noble prize.
I wish u were here grandpa, I wish were able to me now and stroke my shoulders with a smile on ur face.
I love u so much..hope u r in paradise..wait for me =).
Shams…ur granddaughter <3

Monday, February 07, 2011

Me,after the 25th (part 2)

Days the passing by, the situation in Egypt is still's getting better on the political side, but getting worse on the humanity side.
Everyone is almost fighting with each other, family members..friends..even best friends, isn't tht pathetic? 
we r willing to lose everyone around just coz tht they don't agree on wht we believe on or just coz they r different , isn't tht pathetic?
we can't trust anything or anyone...not our president and who know maybe not the new one...r we gonna live in doubts forever? 
we r willing to give up all the love and the happy memories...for wht? for money? for power? for a huge rage tht fill us? tht's really really pathetic.
2 days ago,i was talking to one of my friends..he was so angry and upset..i told him to cheer up and smile as it's going to be alright soon... :) he refused and seemed really down, he told me tht one of his friends who (girl) lost one of her eyes on Friday's revolution and she's living with one eye now.
 same day i heard another story abt a wife who was pregnant,sadly she lost her baby coz she was too tensed with the events and she couldn't even go to a she lost it...she lost her 1st child.
it's seems tht ppl r losing on both sides and eachone is focusing only on wht they can c. the only difference is the girl who went to the revolution went there knowing tht she might be dangerous, she's willing to give everything for her country and i really respect her for this :).
however the other lady,she was forced into something tht she didn't choose...and after all it's God's will elhamdolelah :)  

We might be getting our rights..our freedom..but i feel we r losing other things instead. we r losing our morals and ethics.
i don't only wish for the president to change...but also the ppl's attitude...they should stop cheating, lying, humiliating other, rapping, killing , stealing, disrespecting others....
i know it's hard..but wht's wrong with trying?.
i'm not an angel myself but judge ur self b4 judging others ...there r many others things we can do other than protesting.
i would give my life to my country...i'd give everything to Egypt...but if i'd never fight against my matter how bad they were, there must be another solution other than killing and cursing.
to our beloved Martyrs Peace Be Upon u all and may god rewards u with Janna <3
to the protesters in tahrir...may God replace the hate in ur heart with love
to the ppl who r not in tahrir...say ur opinion as u like..but don't ever make u lose someone u love.
to my beloved Egypt...i'm sry for wht we all did to u, for wht we became

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Me, after the 25th of jan

It’s been a very tough week, I can’t believe tht I stayed at home for a whole week! I feel as if I’m in a big dream. I can’t believe tht it’s happening to my beloved beloved Egypt.

I had mixed up feeling, worried, fear, happy, frustration and confusion. I was totally lost! Don’t know who to believe any more.

I never felt afraid like the past few days, it was more like “I’m legend” movie..when the night comes we hide in our houses closing all the windows and doors, preparing weapons beside us in case we r under any kind of attacks. All the men of our neighborhood gather outside to protect our street, I can’t sleep unless I hear their voices in the street, and still I can’t sleep.

Days were exactly the same; we wake up me, mum and dad. We open the T.V and change from one news channel to another. We call all the family and friends to check on, and some ppl call us..even my sister call from KSA every day. Some friends called me, some of my students, unexpected ppl which made me really surprised. Ppl I hoped tht they’d call but didn’t…it’s ok maybe I’m just not on their priority list.  on the bright side these events made ppl call each other and ask about each other.
Then my dad goes out for a while with the neighbors…and finally we try to sleep.

I pray every night tht the morning would come, but time moves very very slowly. Am I really dreaming? I thought how is it going in Palestine, Iraq and war countries? How do the people manage their lives their?. Do they face this fear every single day? Do they sleep on gun shots, knowing tht at in any moment someone would simply come and kill them? Feeling insecure is the worst feeling EVER. May no one would ever get tht feeling.

I cry whenever I see the news…whenever I hear tht someone was killed..whenever I feel terribly worried on every single person I know…now over 300 ppl were killed..Places destroyed…my favorite places tht hold many happy memories. It’s just so hard to c ur country falling apart…and for wht?? It’s not just abt freedom anymore!

My heart is breaking for u Egypt, you don’t deserve all of this.

Now who is going to bring bk those martyrs who died? Whether they were from the police or citizens..they r humans they r Egyptians

I want to sleep without locking the doors, I want to go out without fearing people, I want to work and hangout with my friends , laugh and go shopping , go out with my bike , make the change I wish to see in the world… i want my life back. I want my country back.

May God protect us and fill our hearts with his love.