“So don’t you see?
That I’m truly free
This piece of scarf on me,
I wear so proudly…”
Those words were by Sami yusuf, I love hearing this song so much, and it makes me recall some very old memories…
When I first wore my veil, my hijab…
Back to 2001 / 2002 I was about 13 or 14 years old in 3rd prep school, I was like all the other girls looking forward to get a new short haircut, maybe cool highlights too..
And as for clothes I couldn’t take off my eyes of that baby blue jeans and the hot pink top…I got to get those! That was my main target.
Although my two sisters were veiled, this idea never crossed my mind for a second, I was happy the way I am, I’m a good person even if I’m not wearing a veil, I mean I feast , I pray and everything else…so it’s not a big deal.
No one really talked me about hejab before even my mum which was so great because I didn’t want to talk about it. I was kind of avoiding it when ever it’s mentioned from anyone.
My best friend was the only veil girl in our class, she was doing her best to convince me with it but I was closing all the doors…I never knew why I never tried to listen and give it chance before then I figured out that I was only trying to…hide.
Hiding from a truth and hiding for doing a right thing…yes I didn’t want to admit that.
At the beginning of the school week as me and my best friend were walking way home I found her giving me tape saying: “would you only hear this please? I think you will like it…and maybe you would wear it by the end of the week”.
As I loved her so much I had to take the tape…I kept thinking on my way home…to hear or not to hear the tape…
I decided to put on the tape and give it a shot, it’s not going to harm anyway…few minuets and I started to cry…I closed my eyes…I imagine my self standing in front of God…asking me...”did anyone convince you with praying? Did anyone convince you with fasting?”…I was speechless…no comment…that what I was fearing to hear. That was what I kept running from.
It’s not the man in the tape who made a change point in my life…put his words and his way opened a new door inside my self. A new way of thinking.
I kept thinking…how I love to make anything that could please my mum and dad and how I’m so thankful for everything they gave to me and made me the way I am….so what about my Lord who created me by himself from the first place?...isn’t he the most ONE I should try to please first? Isn’t he the ONE who really made me the way I am?...giving me all I want?...and I still need someone to convince me with what he asks for?....I hated myself when I thought of that very very much…but I thought if God didn’t love me he wouldn’t have let me hear the tape. I mean I had the chance not to hear it…so for the 1st time in my life…I felt love and bliss.
So, I couldn’t wait for the end of the week to wear it, I couldn’t go to school without it at all…although I had no suitable clothes for it or even scarves…but girls can always mange things when they want so I asked my sisters for help and they didn’t disappoint me. =)
I was so excited to go to school with it and see how my friends going to react especially my best friend…
I entered and here it was a very big wooooow in the playground all my friends staring at me smiling and kissing me as if I got engaged, and my best friend took my hands showing me to everyone around…I was extremely happy until I heard something that really shocked me… a friend of mine said...”what the hell you did to yourself!!! Take it off quickly!!! QUICKLY!” she wasn’t the only one who shocked me that day.
I was stunned for a while…I didn’t know what to say…I went home a little bit frustrated and prayed, I was complaining to God. Is that what I get? I thought that will make me much better person not a freak!
I calmed down for a while and started realizing that the way is not going to be so easy. No way is a piece of cake you have to fight and be strong…not to fall down. And this thing worth fighting for.
Many many things came on my way telling me take it off, take it off, I was more like struggling in this world but I enjoyed it because for the 1st time in my life I felt I was fighting for my right as a normal muslim girl.
Actually there were 2 main things i was fighting about, fighting for my veil and fighting against it.
My 1st battle was with people who think that wearing it makes me narrow minded, strict, and not COOL girl, more like hiding my head completely not just my HAIR. I once heard from a guy that he won’t let his wife wear the veil because he thinks she will look like servants and he definitely can’t go out with her that way!
Now I want to ask a question.. Did anyone noticed before that nuns wear the same thing on their hear? Yes they are VEILD with long dresses and long sleeves. Can anyone show them disrespect or call them servants?
My 2nd battle was with VEILD girls. When sometimes I asked my friends about wearing the veil they say…” don’t you see the veil girls in streets? “. It’s a shame how some girls disrespect their veil and even wear it for other intentions. And that how people get bad ideas about veiled girls and some how Muslims in general.
And now I will ask you another question…we can’t judge all people like one, can we?
I’m not trying to convince girls with wearing the veil and I’m not trying to be some kind of new “She5a”, I’m sharing my experience hoping I can open the door for someone…and hoping that every girl would respect enough her hijab, and finally hoping that people won’t think we are empty headed girls…
“Why can’t you just accept me?” she says“Why can’t I just be me?” she saysTime and time again
You speak of democracy
Yet you rob me of my libertyAll I want is equalityWhy can’t you just let me be free?”….
By a proud veiled girl : Sunshine (20)