Random thoughts-2

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Qadr Allah wa masha2 fa3l

elhamdolelah anyways….tomorrow will b better isA

la3alhu 5yran

Random thought-1

ive been lying to myself, i admit this. maybe coz i never got to let out wht i wanted to say or maybe coz u spoke directly to my heart?

i know nothing will bring us back and i have nothing to hold on with, i hate the fact tht u still cross my mind and i hate the fact tht i actually...... kinda like it

" maybe i didn't get better, but at least i'm different".

yes...i'm different...i'm stonger and became numb,sometimes i miss my old self and tht's y i sometimes miss u as well, coz u were a pretty much...part of it

i hate to tell u tht "wht goes around comes around", i have no hard feelings but it's not at easy as it seems.

"and when we meet, which i'm sure we will all what was there will be there still, i'll let it pass and hold my tongue and u will think tht i moved on"

i'm sorry i had to let this out in a way or another.

tht other day my best friend told me " ppl come to our lives for a reason, a season or a life time" and as long as u were only here for a reason u shall leave, would u?

The String of hope

a connection between us
empathy runs through
our eyes met then hide
there is something obviously true
a simple line
the line of empathy we both hold
we swing and slide
along the road
then lay attached to the string of hope
a quick glance
might return the past
a day pass then another day
life drifted us away
maybe in another life
maybe in another world
we'll rejoin again our string of hope

Re-breathe

i finally got to breathe through the past one more time..it was surprising yet weird and amazing..

can’t deny being happy..i missed tht feeling long long ago.

it would b utterly funny if history repeated it self one more time lol

i’m praying and wishing and hoping doing everything i can…i can c some signs and motfa2la 5yran but still i don’t want to b in an endless dream, although i’d rather keep dreaming if it was about you =)

new blood joined earth

the little princess came few days ago, i was pretty much busy that’s why i was away for a big while.

she’s amazing,a cute little angel with a warm sunny face,i didn’t hold her yet *probably when she’s more few months old*

till now i only kiss her and sub7an Allah it kinda tickle my motherhood instinct.

i had an interview for another job…wasn’t surprise when i was nicely rejected..there r still loads of places on earth to search in.

we were preparing for our nursery graduation party..i was very tired but i missed tht feeling since colg..i missed the feeling of working all the day and go home to sleep like a dead person on my bed,then wake up in the early morning to go to work.

the party went pretty well, i never thought i’d miss the kids tht much,as they didn’t notice it was their final school day they couldn’t really say good bye.

i felt sad…when i came up to school the following day and found the class empty…couldn’t stop myself from crying..and i never thought tht only 2 month would make me feel so *it’s my stupid sentimentality again* i don’t think i’d ever stop being to attached to people..esp people i know tht they would leave soon and we might never see eachothers again.

i guess the following days would b pretty hard on me..i can feel it in me. i started having those qawloon’s pain again and ofcourse the usual fast heart beat and nose bleeding, nothing more than the normal except for being little bit angry.

i need meditation and a new hair cut..maybe it would make me feel better

New arrival

a new soul will come down to earth, a new member will join our family.

i’m looking forward to c her =) to c her growing up with the rest, i can’t wait to hold her, kiss her little cheeks and hug her warmly.

Princess Sohyla will arrive to our kingdom isA =) 

Flashbacks

today i went through all of my old stuff, my old emails..pictures..notes..and even songs.

it made me shiver, i was happy and wished if i can go bk to those days one more time..and live them again *would it b the same*?

after long searching on my laptop, i found myself into the old ts boards…the black universe theme with the orange half sun in the middle. just the layout was enf to flash back these old days, i still remember my username and password, so i took a look around.

it was nice yet sad…i’ve seen bk all of those people i once lost on the way.

i guess everything has an ending point

October’s Road

starting from 6 of October city all the way to mohandeseen, going to tht mag. wishing i can just leave my article and GO…wasn’t in a mood to attend any meetings and hear more of the bla bla bla..

the headphones r in my ears all the way, listening to my fav songs which reminds me of my past, the best and worst moments in my life all together at the same time.

it’s funny how u laugh till u cry ur heart out, i don’t know wht do i want now, do i want to turn back time?, but y? i’ll still b the same..and i’ll still have the same situations.

do i want to get over? i tried and failed, all i do is just move on and change, pretending that it’s all over while it burns my heart every time i recall it accidently.

i walked for a while till i reached the mag, and thank God my wish came true and i left my article and ran quickly back. i kept walking till the bus station…and now on the way back to 6 october..

i just can’t stop thinking, sometimes i miss my own self, i miss how i use to be,and how i used to feel…

sometimes i think as..”if only i didn’t…” but what now! it’s too l8 to think and useless to think abt the past coz it is a PAST,

as i almost reached bk home i found my eyes tearing,i don’t know y i’m crying..but i feel as if there is a revolution inside of me…objecting on everything bad happened to me, asking me to release tht beast captured inside of me…letting it out of the cage..letting it take it’s revenge from those who hurt me the most.

i was near the mosque and decided to pray and go home…and so i did  

all the pain I've been through

and still i can’t let go

everyone should starts somewhere, i still didn’t find the perfect place to start from , but i will try to start from what i have now..maybe i can change it to b better or maybe it will lead me to another better place..

i’m just riting anything coz i don’t want to stop writing. there is so many thing inside my  mind  but i don’t know why i dont rit as much as before so.. i’ll try to rit all the things running through my head.

sometimes i don’t know wht i want?…can i really b a writer? a journalist tht rit abt ppl and for ppl?, a person who would leave sign before she dies?

i feel i’m starting to move in actually this post proves it somehow , maybe i might b slow but at least i started..

i want to rit abt blogs so wish me luck with tht , till now i haven’t think of much..but i’ll finish it b4 Wednesday isA.

befor leaving i have some questions tht i will answer l8er…

does wearing a veil contradict with being a human?

r ppl getting lamer ?

can we decide who deserves to die and who don’t?

almost drawing the curve

i think its time for me to rise and shine...tired of life being so unfair, wishing for a better tomorrow.
i wish i can stop growing up, it makes me feel more responsible...see people with a closer eye which makes me c them lying, pretending , fake and empty *not all of them*
life is still good though
u'll b seeing more of me soon isA =)

self motivating

i'm one of the best journalists ever! yaaaaay me!!!!

Noble prize...get ready coz i'm coming and almost there!

=D a little push

Random thought-5-

i'm sick =( so sick ='(....but i'm so happy =), my best friend ever is engaged..it was gr8 seeing her so happy (althought it took me alot of pain killers to gather my self and go to the engagment) but it was gr8..she looked awesome...i love her and i love everything abt her and i love seeing her so happy may she always b happy forever .....
it brought bk many wonderfull memories
.........................................
i have some emotional issues =D i don't even know....how do i feel.
i better go to sleep i'm so tired and i'll get up early...maybe i'll cry a little to..... VENT

Miss Shams !

woooooow! i began my job as a teacher...english...nursery stage =D i never thought it would b so much fun...the kids r a bit annoying but so cute and funny, i do a new thing every day and i finally got to WORK and MEET people and FEEL i'm doing something , the day really passes so fast.... so far...i love it =)
i'm also looking forward to work as a freelancer in a new mag =( i hope it work this time coz my mind is really feeling blank and can't think of anything to write...

ya Rab!

Trapped outside

i don't should i lol form what happened or should i cry from pain?
my friend visited me last friday and i was home alone, she rang the "intercom" and i took the keys hanged on the door and went to open the outter door for her.
as i went out...i found tht i took the wrong keys, so i waved to her to wait and oops! the door is closed :S
so i was out side the apartment and my friend out side in the yard !
i went up for our neighbors and asked them to open the the door for my friend , so as they did it was both of us out side the apartment now..
we stood for a while and kept laughing like hell!.
luckly...we live in the 1st floor so i can easily jumb through the balconey and open the door for us, tht would simply b done only if i left the balconey opened =D
.......
silence
.......
laugh
.....
thinking and thinking...
.......................
then decided to give it a shot and try to open the balconey or even sit in it =D, so i went to our other neighbors to borrow a knife and a ladder..and actually they were pretty helpful and their son suggested to help us.
so he jumbed to the balconey and tried to open it *its locked with shesh / terbas and glasses* and the mission was faild.
i noticed after a while tht i left one window side open..and here came the painful thought..
.......
i took some chairs and stood on them and startes cutting (the thin selk 7aded) to enter my hand and open the window......
thank God it worked out! but as i entered my hand then let it out =D it was so full of blood the metal was so tiny and painfull tht i had scratches all over my arms...
but TADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA the window is open and my neighbor jumbed inside and opened the house for me and my friend =D and we still couldn't stop LAUGHING *ay ay ay*

New brand exprience

i quit my job..i couldn't take it any more, i hated waking up every morning and going to the office *it's worse than drinking milk*..i'm so happy i finally did it and i considred my self lucky coz i left just in the right time..coz things seemed to b getting worse..some changes needs to b done.
------------------------------------------------------------
i took a rest for few days and will apply as an english teasher in my sister's school..they need teachers badly these days..and as am still jobless so i thought of giving it a shot i wont lose anything ...so pray for me coz am gonna be a KG teacher, and am not so good in dealing with kids :S

Random thought -4-

Me…I'm one of those people who think that bad luck is their only companion, especially yesterday I felt so bad and started hating myself. that's what I usually do…I torture my self, I always find it so easy to blame me even for things that I have nothing to do with it, and I find joy and satisfaction every time I hurt my self mentally or physically. Even thought the blood caused by the physical pain, the mental one caused more deep scars in the heart.
Many times I've asked myself…why on earth anyone would commit suicide. How can any one do such thing? This is one way to end up a problem, but no one looked or searched enough for the other ways, at least there can be a happy ending.
………………………………………………….
The two sides of the Pepsi can

Long ago we had a theory of the tow sides of the glass of water, half full and half empty, it's simplify the way you look at your life.
As I adore Pepsi I decided to call it the "Pepsi can theory"…….. to be continued

Random thought -3-

At work
two more hours and i'm gone! can't wait till i leave it forever, i better make it soon. i just need your prayers and your prayers =D.
seriosuly
i hate routen
i come at 9 am...make me some coffee, then sit and receive the emails, print them, send them by fax...answer some calls...make some calls...then eat...then sit infront of the laptop for hours thinking of anything to do so time can pass.
i wait
and wait
i write something..read a little bit
facebook
emails
answer emails
answer phone calls
then wait
and wait...
few hours...
5:50 i close the laptop and clean my disk, put my stuff in the purse and wait at the door till it's 6pm!!!!!!
and HIT IT OFF TO HOME

God HELP

Random thought -2-

Ever thought of leaving egypt?

I might do, in fact I'm planning to go somewhere else, my aunt is in London and my eldest sister will travel to KSA in few months.
I've thought of starting a new life where I can build myself, I know you'd probably say.." you can still do the same here", but sometimes we need to run away from everything and start over one more time at least to clear your mind.
Still, life wont be so easy especially if I went to London I'll have a problem with my veil, and if I went to KSA I'll have a problem with being egyptian lol.
I'm dreaming of making my masters degree, I want to learn, DO and breathe journalism until I open my magazine.
Apparently, I'll feel homesick, it's not easy to leave everything behind, my friends , family , life , air , home…
Now I can imagine myself…
I'll b missing everything even the tok tok boys…
I'll miss the bad things I used to hate as I'll miss the lovely, sweet things.
I'll miss myself being there
I'll miss every single place I went to.
And of course I'll keep hearing my favorite dalida's songs, 7elwa ya balady – salma ya salama and a7san nas… shereen's song " mashrebtesh men nelha" and latifa's " 3ash2ana". I'll listen to them every now and then till my eyes look like two wety ping bong balls.
All of this is just a thought

p.s: I'm thinking of releasing my 1st poetry book

Change the channel

I read about something called change the channel, where all bloggers are suppose to write positive posts about Egypt.
I thought it would be nice if I joined too, but I realized I haven't written any negative posts about Egypt from the first place to write a positive one.
Egypt as a country isn't bad, in fact the people of the country are the only one who can give a bad or a good image for their country, culture or religion.
So we'd find that the main problem is in the people themselves, still people are not the same so we can not judge a whole nation for some of them even if these "some" are pretty much!
I admit that most of Egyptian movies really SUCK between every 10 movies only 2 or 1.
All of them have the same theme (which shows every single bad thing in Egypt), it's not a problem to indicate our negatives…but what's the point??? We already know what's going on! Maybe we should indicate solutions for our problems or the positive things so people can have some hope! On the bright side we came up with new genres of movies which are silly comedy / repeated tragedy and fake action =D
It's frustrating…

i actually prefer the social comedy movies like ahmed helmy's style….he's a genius who worth a " hats off"

that's it I'm done writing today

A sudden happieness group of events

in only few days....

one of my best relatives got married

my antimate 2erayet *engagement this month isA*

my sister's sister in law *one of my best gurls* 2erayet fat7a

and finaly.....

one of my BEST friends was engaged!!!!

lolollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyy

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew

u ROCK on GUURRRRRRRRLS


3o2bal my other best gurls ya raaaaaaaaab