Random thoughts during ramadan

Elhamdolelah things are getting better it even got better than i ever expected. Somtimes u need to take ur own decisions without asking anyone's opinion Sub7an Allah God always put us on the rit track. i'm very optimistic about this year and my life begin to change already, my heart is fully open for the new phase i'm going through. and i'm expecting the best from God inshaAllah, however i learnt not to expect anything from people.
i've been wondering alot these days and especially yesterday, i cried so hard as i was praying and i screamed to God "please don't leave me, please i need ur help" i was very afraid of taking wrong decisions and there is no one else who can help me in this expect for him "God".
today i went to pray tarawe7 aat masjed al hosary, it's very peacfull there and i totally get into the spiritual mood. there was an amazing lesson for amr khaled there too, and i felt it was a reply for my yesterday prayer from Allah subhana wa taala.
as amr khaled mentioned wht he's going to talk abt, i started crying coz i felt it was specially from me. the lesson was abt "اليقين بالله" he said tht God gives u exactly wht u expect from him, if u expect the goodness, u'll find it coming exactly the way u want...and if u expect something bad, unfortunately it will come on ur way as well.
he said tht amazing 7adeth tht says: انا عند ظن عبدي بي، فليظن بي ما شاء ان كان خيراً فله و ان كان شراً فعليه
i sensed the great 7adeth and i cried when i felt God's mercy on me....he really heard me! he answered me! he sent me a whole lesson for me! is tht believable !!!!!!
i never felt more revealed, i trust God and i know he wont leave me...actually when i thumbed through the pages of my memories i realized that God never left me b4 , he was always there for me...he always made for me what i wished for.
Elhamdolelah, i thank God with every beat of heart and every breath i take...though i know it's not enf.
i'll always think good, and God will lead me to it, i wont worry or get sad coz i know he's always there for me, he;s never far away and he always replies.

A new ramadan...a new year

Today is the 1st day of ramadan and i dont know y it doesn't seem like it. i feel as if we r losing the essence of ramadan. i still find it a fresh start, a new beginning for those who wants a new chance.
i deactivated my facebook and i doubt tht i'll get it bk again, i need a break and i don't want to check it every now and then.
i don't feel good now days and i feel very angry from everyone around....wht the hell wrong with u ppl ! i want to get bk to work....i'll also get bk to writing
i want to run away from life

Random thoughts

 The past few weeks weren’t the best for me. I’m 24 yrs still not acting like one. Sadness has been chasing me and I struggle to survive, the game is not easy and it’s still going on.

I miss being young. Back then I had nothing in my mind to care about. I didn’t understand the concept of death ,pain or responsibility. It’s weird how these 3 concepts are connected like a bonded chain, one thing lead to another.

Is it me or is this world is so weird?…ppl change in less than a second. Humans are so cruel to each other…I wonder where did all the mercy go?

Life is too short to waste it on sadness.

The dream guy in my random thoughts

The one…dream guy…or simply the prince on the white horse =)

Every girl has a dream of a guy…the perfect guy or whatever we call him =D. he’s simply the man who we all wish for since the day we were born and keep on searching for him our whole life till we finally fall deeply into love.

Usually girls dream of the perfect person…the one who is as cute as ahmad ezz , tom cruise or brad pit. Or even some of us can go for the amazing Islamic figures.. sami yusuf , moez maso’od or Mustafa hossni .

We focus on searching for these guys who would look exactly like them from the outside ;) and the inside ofcorse. Then we end up with a completely freak person =D

For me I’ve always been in love with the same person, and I just miss him more and more everyday knowing that he’s out there looking for me as well.

This person is neither like actors nor like other celebrities. He’s a very special person, a one of a kind,a combination and a fix of different characters.

My dream guy is a person who.............

 is as strong as sydna “Musa”

as handsome as sydna “Yusuf” ;)

 as wise as sydna “Nu’h”

as modest as sydna “Essa”  

as merciful as sydna “Soliman”

as tolerant as sydena “Ibrahim”

as patient as sydena “Ismaeel”

and loves God as much as sydna “Mohammed” =)

I know he might not exists but I have no doubt that God will send me the rit guy, and till he comes I’ll be a better person inshaAllah and he’ll be the best man in my eyes and ofcourse in my heart.

Random thoughts

They asked me about my scarf

I said, it colors my life

It’s sometimes red

White and black

I wear them together

 They become my flag

I wear it proudly,

 Not ashamed from anyone to see

********

They asked me about my scarf

I said it represents me

Represent every breathe and every beat

********

They asked me about my scarf

 I don’t care about what they say

I don’t mind the tough words

All I know is what I wear

Means something to my lord

Random thoughts

it feels more like hitting the ground and all of a sudden u found ur self wounded so bad. yet u try getting up standing back on the ground =)
i admit being a fool sometimes, perhaps making the same mistakes again. but with every mistake we learn something, something that change our life forever...mostly make us better ppl.
i learnt to believe more in my self, to wait for the good and handle the bad. everything ends even the hard times.
i learnt to surrender my self for God, i trust him, i completely have a strong faith tht he will do the best for me. even if i don't c it clear enf =)
i learnt to give everything and do not wait or expect anything in return.
i learnt to depend on my self, solve my own problems by my self in case i couldn't find someone beside me one day. i wont wait for someone

i love life....but miss jannah!

Reality bites

Someone's sadness can be the reason of someone else happiness. it's so true when Allah said
 "عسي ان تكرهوا شيئاً و هو خيرا لكم"
God is really great, just wait and u'll c even if things went so bad, give it sometime...things will always turn bk on ur way


When I asked u “Allahum erzokny 7obak”, u made ur love fill my heart and I became a better person. When I said 


“wa 7ob man 2a7bak”, u made me a lovable person and blessed me with amazing ppl around 
me. When I asked u 


for” 3amalen yokrbony ela 7obak” u gave me the super ability of making other ppl smile. Now, 


I’m asking u my dear God to give me the strength to face my sadness, fears and pass the hard times.

Random thoughts

Things r going upside down....very upside down. i don't know where to go, my petals r falling slowly everyday waiting for one heavy rainy day.

this is short but better than never..in my blog today i signed.  

Meaningless Random thoughts

Sometimes things just go in a wrong direction...in a way we never planned...in a way we never thought of b4 just coz we keep our hopes and faking dreams hanging in front of us.
we see only with our eyes...and understand things only the way we want...and every little thing would mean the world no matter how small it was.
we never tried to look out of our selves, we keep searching and searching for the perfect picture but we never c it completely till we wake up and face reality.
and suddenly......we start falling apart...asking why? how? and when?....without knowing tht it wasn't there from the beginning.
yes! it wasn't there....there was nothing there more than our own imagination. we try to put things together...search for wht's missing...and there is always something missing, and we don't understand why it was there from the beginning.
Sit bk relax...smile...it's gonna be alright...there is always this little bridge tht we build to get over things...take God's hand no one else can help u through this.
think abt wht u have better than wht u couldn't coz crying over things r a big waste of time. don't b afraid to take risks coz u'll always fall down and get bk again...and some things really worth trying...

قلب المؤمن بين اصبعين من يدى الرحمن يقلبهما كيفما يشاء

my head is gonna explode with my meaningless random thoughts =).

p.s: "أنا عند ظن عبدي بي،فليظن بي ما يشاء"

Random thoughts

i miss my random thoughts,venting with wht so ever in my head. what's wrong with me?!
Subhan Allah, it's amazing how things change all of a sudden, only a simple twist of fate. yeah sometimes it's change to things tht we never wished for, but it always turns to be something pretty awesome at the end, something tht we never expect tht it would happened to us.
we might not see the sun bright at the way,but it shines at the end. after a day , month or year it still shines.
we only need some "sabr" and alot of "yaqeen" then nothing else to "lose" =)
i've been thinking alot...praying alot and crying alot..it's takes alot of guts, some time to settle things up, clarify mind and soul.
may God gives me nothing but Sabr and Yaqeen, and inshaAllah things will be alright.
inshaAllah...inshaAllah...ya rab. 

Falling In Love

 As any other girl, I’ve been searching for love. My heart is full of emotions and feelings; I’m passionate and need to get these feelings out.

I wanted to fall in love with someone, and I tried once. But it wasn’t meant to be. I was happy that I didn’t give my feelings away in the wrong direction, and I was lucky to save the ecstasy of sharing my love with the right person, who will come right on my way.

 I decided to find love where else, vent the great power of emotions. I looked for another figure of love I went through the divine world, discovered a world where the pure love is. I started to get closer to God, and by getting closer…I deeply fell in love.

As we – human- we tend to get more into the tangible things. Things we can feel with our hands see with our eyes or listen with our ears.

However when it comes to the heart and soul, we start to feel abstract things, moral things like happiness, sadness, love and hate etc.

I once read something that explained the love between the Creator (Allah) and us, and how did the whole 

relationship started. It was all summarized in one beautiful verse in suret Qaf that says:

 يدوَلَقَدْ خَلَقْنَا الْإِنْسَانَ وَنَعْلَمُ مَا تُوَسْوِسُ بِهِ نَفْسُهُ وَنَحْنُ أَقْرَبُ إِلَيْهِ مِنْ حَبْلِ الْوَر
ق:16

“We have created man and we know what his own self whispers to him, and we are nearer to him than his jugular vein”

The jugular vein is one of the most important veins, which lies in our neck and gives great amount blood to the brain; it’s very sensitive and most likely what attaches us to life.

I’m not sure of the true meaning of the verse, but I felt that it meant that God is very close to us more than we can imagine, the simile shows how close we are and how much we are bonded…he created us with his own hands, no wonder he knows us pretty well.

It’s more like a mother and a child relationship, we grow up loving our parents because they brought us to life, they raised us up, and they gave us all what we need. We love them for no reason, we love them because we belong with them, and we are part of them.

We r attached with an unseen bond, no matter how we get far our natural instant bring us back again.

When God created us, he made us from earth dust, and then filled our souls with his. That’s why we are created from two parts, a part that is connected with earth and another connected with heavens and as we grow older each part tries to pull us towards it more.

No matter how far we go we always feel that something is pulling us towards God, and yes…he loves us very much he knows us all very well…because he created us, he put something from him in us.

We sometimes cry while we are praying, or when we are watching the magnificent universe around us this is the way we feel the great love within.

I felt love in this duaa:

اللهم ارزقني حبك و حب من احبك و حب عملاً يقربنى الى حبك 

“O Allah, bless me with your love and the love of people who loves you and the love of things that can brings me closer to your Love”

I never stop saying this duaa, I became in love with everything and everyone, I felt as if I want to embrace the universe , I spread the love for the people who deserve, my students , my family , my friends, my teaching and my writings and even myself.

Me,after the 25th (part 3) letter from a granddaughter

Dear grandpa,

I miss u a lot, well I know we haven’t seen eachother before but mum talks abt u a lot. I’m shams ur youngest granddaughter from your youngest daughters.

Ever since I was a kid I used to ask mum abt you,she told me tht u were in the military. You joined it as a volunteer and u r considered as one of the “Zobat el a7rar”. I felt so happy to hear ur stories and how u served our country when u traveled to Syria in the “we7da watneya” between Egypt and Syria.

I have a picture for you in my wallet you were wearing your military suit…I’m so happy to have it.

Actually I wanted to tell you tht I witnessed something tht I’m so proud of, so lucky to c with my own eyes and live to tell my kids abt. we had something tht changed history and added to our past series of revolutions. All the world was talking abt Egypt and the Egyptian ppl.

We finally spoke and asked for our rights, we changed the president and the regime and the whole system we even cleaned the streets. We struggled for about 18 days after waiting for 30 years.

I can tell you grandpa u can be proud of me as much as I’m proud of u, however I didn’t have the chance to take part in the revolution itself *thnx to your  daughter (mum) she kept me at home and didn’t let me go,she made for  us her own curfew *

I stayed at home grandpa, but I wrote notes for everyday, I wrote some articles and translated over 10 articles about the revolution know it’s not enough..deep in my heart I wished to be one of those martyrs , but I know God kept me for a great role as well. Maybe I wasn’t able to take part of the change process but I can take part of letting it go on and happened. I started with sharing in cleaning the streets of cairo.

It was a great day grandpa! Seeing all tahrir covered with Egyptian flags was awesome, seeing all ppl one hand was gr8.

I wish I can volunteer in the military like u grandpa, I became a journalist and a teacher instead lol. I believe I can reach my mission through these 2 things and I have gr8 passion for them, I’ll be able to make a change in the nxt generation..thank God I’m on my way to success wish me luck on taking noble prize.

I wish u were here grandpa, I wish were able to me now and stroke my shoulders with a smile on ur face.

I love u so much..hope u r in paradise..wait for me =).

Love,

Shams…ur granddaughter <3

Me,after the 25th (part 2)

Days the passing by, the situation in Egypt is still complicated...it's getting better on the political side, but getting worse on the humanity side.

Everyone is almost fighting with each other, family members..friends..even best friends, isn't tht pathetic? 

we r willing to lose everyone around just coz tht they don't agree on wht we believe on or just coz they r different , isn't tht pathetic?
we can't trust anything or anyone...not our president and who know maybe not the new one...r we gonna live in doubts forever? 

we r willing to give up all the love and the happy memories...for wht? for money? for power? for a huge rage tht fill us? tht's really really pathetic.

2 days ago,i was talking to one of my friends..he was so angry and upset..i told him to cheer up and smile as it's going to be alright soon... :) he refused and seemed really down, he told me tht one of his friends who (girl) lost one of her eyes on Friday's revolution and she's living with one eye now.

-------

 same day i heard another story abt a wife who was pregnant,sadly she lost her baby coz she was too tensed with the events and she couldn't even go to a doctor...so she lost it...she lost her 1st child.

-------

it's seems tht ppl r losing on both sides and eachone is focusing only on wht they can c. the only difference is the girl who went to the revolution went there knowing tht she might be dangerous, she's willing to give everything for her country and i really respect her for this :).
however the other lady,she was forced into something tht she didn't choose...and after all it's God's will elhamdolelah :)  

We might be getting our rights..our freedom..but i feel we r losing other things instead. we r losing our morals and ethics.
i don't only wish for the president to change...but also the ppl's attitude...they should stop cheating, lying, humiliating other, rapping, killing , stealing, disrespecting others....
i know it's hard..but wht's wrong with trying?.
i'm not an angel myself but judge ur self b4 judging others ...there r many others things we can do other than protesting.
i would give my life to my country...i'd give everything to Egypt...but if i'd never fight against my people..no matter how bad they were, there must be another solution other than killing and cursing.
--------
to our beloved Martyrs Peace Be Upon u all and may god rewards u with Janna <3
to the protesters in tahrir...may God replace the hate in ur heart with love
to the ppl who r not in tahrir...say ur opinion as u like..but don't ever make u lose someone u love.

to my beloved Egypt...i'm sry for wht we all did to u, for wht we became

Me, after the 25th of jan

It’s been a very tough week, I can’t believe tht I stayed at home for a whole week! I feel as if I’m in a big dream. I can’t believe tht it’s happening to my beloved country...my beloved Egypt.


I had mixed up feeling, worried, fear, happy, frustration and confusion. I was totally lost! Don’t know who to believe any more.

I never felt afraid like the past few days, it was more like “I’m legend” movie..when the night comes we hide in our houses closing all the windows and doors, preparing weapons beside us in case we r under any kind of attacks. All the men of our neighborhood gather outside to protect our street, I can’t sleep unless I hear their voices in the street, and still I can’t sleep.

Days were exactly the same; we wake up me, mum and dad. We open the T.V and change from one news channel to another. We call all the family and friends to check on, and some ppl call us..even my sister call from KSA every day. Some friends called me, some of my students, unexpected ppl which made me really surprised. Ppl I hoped tht they’d call but didn’t…it’s ok maybe I’m just not on their priority list.  on the bright side these events made ppl call each other and ask about each other.
Then my dad goes out for a while with the neighbors…and finally we try to sleep.

I pray every night tht the morning would come, but time moves very very slowly. Am I really dreaming? I thought how is it going in Palestine, Iraq and war countries? How do the people manage their lives their?. Do they face this fear every single day? Do they sleep on gun shots, knowing tht at in any moment someone would simply come and kill them? Feeling insecure is the worst feeling EVER. May no one would ever get tht feeling.

I cry whenever I see the news…whenever I hear tht someone was killed..whenever I feel terribly worried on every single person I know…now over 300 ppl were killed..Places destroyed…my favorite places tht hold many happy memories. It’s just so hard to c ur country falling apart…and for wht?? It’s not just abt freedom anymore!

My heart is breaking for u Egypt, you don’t deserve all of this.

Now who is going to bring bk those martyrs who died? Whether they were from the police or citizens..they r humans they r Egyptians

I want to sleep without locking the doors, I want to go out without fearing people, I want to work and hangout with my friends , laugh and go shopping , go out with my bike , make the change I wish to see in the world… i want my life back. I want my country back.

May God protect us and fill our hearts with his love.

Unspoken

Unspoken

too many things I can see,

through the signs of destiny

is it illusion or is it for real?

Wrong direction? My heart is still in fear

Ur eyes r full of unspoken words

Confusion and many mixed up thoughts

We meet, we smile,

Stay silent for a while

Voices runs through my head

But none of us heard a word they’ve said

I only look through your eyes and see

Un spoken words, full of ecstasy

I can hear no more sound

No more feeling of the people around

Only silence and unspoken words

Only you and me in the world

I'm short and i'm proud!

yesterday i was supervising primary 2 in an english exam. i found a little cute nice gurl, she was putting her head btween her hands and with a big sad face on  her face, she was going to cry. i asked her whats wrong with u? but she didnt reply me bk. one of her friends came and told me tht one of the boy called her "SHORTY" during the break time and the others kept laughing at her coz she's short.
the teacher who was standing with me told her, just don't listen to them u know tht these boys r very silly. but the gurl was still upset.
i couldn't bear it the gurl was sooo cute and i really hated to c her sad. i went to her and sat on my knees, and i told her, "you c now i'm even shorter than u". she didn't react..." you know i've always been the shortest one among all of my friends, and they all envy me beacuse i did things tht they couldn't do!". i found her paying attention to my words...as if she want to ask "oh really like wht?". i don't know wht or how did i thought of these words..but they just came out of me sponteniously...
"well, i used to hide from them easily...and i don't hit the trees while i'm walking". i know tht sounded silly, but she smiled as i acted it to her.
"u know i'm teaching IG up stairs and they all look like giants ! althought i'm their teacher but u can hardly notice me when i'm in the class with them!". almost all of the class laughed. then the little gurls started to tell her " there are gurls who r even shorter than u!", "i'm short and i'm happy!" and the postive comment kept going on..
i'm not sure if my words made the little gurl feel better,she had a big cute smile on her face :).

Random thoughts

i'm starting to make new things :
learning japanese and italian
walking and jogging...almost everyday.
anything more?

Random thoughts

the weather was so nice today, it was so gloomy in the morning tht the sun didn't appear , then it rained for a while and now i can hear thunder.
most ppl find the thunder very scary, the sound makes u shiver. do u know tht this is how the sky pray?. i find it very very charming, there is an un seen beauty behind it tht makes me feel i'm strong and not alone in this world. really sub7an Allah i wish muslims can b as strong as tht sound of thunder, instead of freaking out from it lol.
my days been nearly the same, i'm waiting for some changes tht might turn my life path. i'm not sure if the path i drew b4 is still there.
God really put strange things in our way...things u never thought tht u can do or be. i started out with a dream of being a journalist i never thought i could do anything but writing. now, i'm a writer *not as i really hoped* but i never thought tht my name would really appear in any website or magazine.
i never wanted to be a teacher, i never thought i'd b able to work in a school and give some information to a group of annoying kids.
but i feel i've succeded as a nursery teacher, and so far i think i'm doing fine as a highschool teacher. it's weird tht i even enjoy it. i never loved teaching but now it's becoming a passion.
sub7an Allah when i think of all the things i've been dreaming of and prayed so hard to reach...i find out tht God made my dreams come true elhamdolelah...just few things left tht i'm sure it will come on the rit time isA.
i should b sleeping now :S !

The truth of "Having Faith"

How many times u asked yourself this question, “oh God y me? What did I do to deserve all of this?” For some people problems may seem like the end of the world. When we face some problems or things just don’t turn the way we planned. We usually think that God is punishing us for being bad people. However it’s actually part of his merciful.


Sometimes we keep wondering about what went wrong or who fault was it, we search a lot for the reasons. And there are always reasons but sometimes it’s just better not to know them because it will make us feel even worse. And that’s how God is merciful on us.

“…it maybe that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you don’t know.” Surat Al-baqarah (216)


" وَعَسَى أَن تَكْرَهُواْ شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَّكُمْ وَعَسَى أَن تُحِبُّواْ شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَّكُمْ وَاللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنتُمْ لاَ تَعْلَمُونَ"


سورة البقرة 216

God knows best, and he’s trying to show us this through many things around us. But the easiest things EVER can still b the hardest EVER

The recipe is very easy:

%100 Yaqen + Taslem = strong Iman = all ur wishes will come true.

Yaqen is to believe in what you want and of God ability.

Taslem is to do what you can do and leave out all the rest for God.

In Surat “Al kahf” when prophet Musa (PBUH) was on a journey with Al-khedr. They met a little kid on their way which Al-khedr had to kill. Prophet Musa was so surprised…why on earth did it happen?! Why did he kill the little kid? What did this kid do to get killed by a strange, while he was innocently playing with his friends?

I wonder how his parents felt about it. How did they accept that their only child was murdered in such way? I guess for them nothing can be worse. They never knew that he’d be a bad person when he grows up and they didn’t know that God will give them another good child. God is so mercy, he didn’t want them to suffer, he didn’t want the little kid to suffer and that’s y he sent al khedr to kill him. Sometimes it’s better not to know the reason “why did it happen”. Only Coz God love us so much he doesn’t tell us the reason why, coz we’d feel worse if we knew.
“And your Lord is Forgiving, the Lord of Mercy….” Surat al kahf (the cave) 58.


""وَرَبُّكَ الْغَفُورُ ذُو الرَّحْمَةِ..." سورة الكهف 58

Don’t tire yourself asking too many questions just have faith that God is doing the best for you. Have faith that he loves you so much. Ask him with all your heart for what you want; he’s the only one who can make your dreams come true. as He’s the owner of everything..Our hearts..Our minds and our souls.

Random thoughts

my beloved blog, i've missed u alot. i hate when i don't rit tht much i wish i can rit like b4 but it seems tht life is really taking us to another path.
i've never thought i'd become a teacher, i never thought i'd ever give up journalism. it's not tht i don't like teaching...i'm passionate abt teaching but it was never my dream.
i'm spending a hard time nowdays...i'm removing some old memories from my life for good, taking some new decisions that will take my life to another road.
i hope i wont lose my way, may God keep me on the rit track, may the angels of earth and sky guard me and lift me up when i slip.
i hope i'd stay happy, and be able to make everyone around me happy.
i hope i can rit more but i'm out of words now