seeing the world and seeing my life from a completely new..LENSE!. i got a new glasses it look so neat lol making me dizzy till now.
but it made me see my life in a different way...more clear..more wide..more...i dont know. but even when simple things change..larg things change too.

I cried last nit as i wished, i was about to sleep but i couldn't so i sit in bed and just brust into tears , stuffed my head in the pillow as i always do,i don't know y i was crying or y i felt like i wanna cry.
i miss lots of things...

i miss my dogs
i miss our family fridays
i miss my old friends
i miss travis mullen
i miss dreaming
i miss feeling blessed from inside
i miss my inner self
i miss myself very much

somtimes i wonder who am i now?

i think i need to cry more tonit

I decided not to be broken by love , i think there is bigger much bigger things that can break a person....when i think of those who lost their families....their lands and dignety, i think again why should someone be broken hearted by someone who doesn't worth.
no one worth

-i've been waiting for ramadan long time...i need those spiritual awesome moments. makes me feel content, and i planned to make it one of my best ramadans ever isA.
it's still passing so weirdly not like the every ramadan, fridays r even weirder....there is no our usual " lamaet el fetar" there is a different lama now new families and new faces , new grandparents , new grandchildren and new aunts =).
pretty new , pretty getting old.



-i don't know why i always dream of ppl who wants to kill me?, and mostly i fighting and trying to protect others sometimes dogs...weird...usualy i die in the end and i feel how death is like mostly.
y am i protecting others and not me? y i don't think abt myself even in my own dreams ?


-tomorrow 1st day at colg and last yr in it too, can't deny my fears but i want to be stronger and stronger than the last yrs.
isA i'll get gayed gedan as my final grade and will get emtyaz in my graduation's project =).
i'm praying to be one of the best journalists and writers , having my own best selling mag. having nobel prize.....

=) i'll go pray

a reply for duon:

well...no poodles anymore =)..they didn't pass away, but if u checked my older posts u'd know tht i had to let them go...well long story better not to recall.

i'm so gratfull for ur trust in me Ali , honestly i still wonder y do u tell me this and u don't know me that much.u didn't read much of my stuff too and actually i do want to send u some of my writtings and take ur opinion...i really appreciate it so much coz i believe u r saying the truth without compliments.

and i remind u of ur self? REALLY? lol u sounded like 30 yrs old saying so, but thnx for such a thing =).
well i still have many to say and many to ask too =D....

thnx alot again for ur care =) now i check my blog every hour to c ur replies =D loool

Sub7an Allah!

i hate it when my parents shout out for nothing, maybe tht's y i grew up hating everyone who shouts or lose his/her temper quickly.
seriously it's a terrible annoying thing.
plz dad...mom..will u plz stop shouting?! coz ur ruining the happieness like this.
i love u but plz stop it !

it's amazing how i can make others happy =) yes i feel i can do tht for real. seeing them smiling laughing and hugging me tenderly is a gr8 feeling.
seeing them all around me makes feel happy...i am happy..really i am.
maybe my mind was little busy...but i was doing my best to be in the mood, sorry if i ruinded it a bit..but thank u for making me happy...being happy is an easy thing to make.
thank you.
i'm happy
i'm glad
i feel good
am i crazy?

the last week was a mixing of happieness and sadness together...1st on wednsday a dear family member passed away...she was like my real grandma as we spend fridays with her as we used to do with my grandparents...all of a sudden she left...i wish i have seens her before going away...or maybe it was better so i don't feel more bad...actually it was weird how i reacted after i knew the news..
we were all sleeping and my sisters were there too...then suddenly i heard my sister dee crying i thought i was dreming so i kept sleeping then i woke up again on everybody's cry... i paniced from bed a ran over to them i found everyone crying.
i don't know but i cried before knwoing the news...then my 2nd sis told me , "teta shafa3a tawfet".
i was paused for a while...sit on a chair and kept silent for few hours with my hands on my head...i didn't cry though...i don't know i felt i am in a long boring dream and i was trying to wake up...tht night was so so long one..thank God it passed.

It's the 1st novel tht ever made me cry...really it was so so touching i never thought it would so THT gr8!
the characters r so deep and touches ur heart, their description , their insides and outs..make u imagine the novel live....
i like tht part in me when i imagine conversations and picture the view as if i'm seeing a film....yeah i'm imaginative and finaly found something nice in me...
back to the point...
it's the 1st time to read something or anything abt afganistan....to know how much they suffered like the other countries...and to know tht they r still suffering.
i feel it's too bad to leave ur country in war time...escaped and live away from ur home..or get killed by one of ur OWN country old friend..hard choice...
the political side was represented within the conflict btw the characters..and the conflict in there inner selves too... so i felt the characters r truly holding more meanings than it shows.
i liked tht he used some arabic and farsi words and good choice in choosing the characters names too...
really i enjoyed reading it...