Hard disicions must be taken sometimes , when u know it will make others feels better...
i hate to make anyone feel bad....maybe what they did was bad , but making others suffer for feeling guilty is considered a terrible thing to make.
that is why i have to make big steps even though it would hurt me after it...
i know i can handle my pain , but others can't tht would even hurt me more.
i'm sure that what i did is the best....
and i still have hope and big faith in God...the one who joined us...can join us togther again...
i wont be surprised....really sub7an Allah... it's true that kalb el mo2men bayn asba3yn men yada al Ra7man yoklbhoma kayfama yasha2.
i still keep my promises...
and as forgiving...it's something that i already did long ago....we r humans...we make mistakes.
i'll pray for a better tomorrow.
and i'm sue it will be.

-annoying people
-talktive people
-zananeen people
-quite people
-mean poeple
-very very very kind people
-cold people
-shouting people
-always angry people
-fast lossing their temper people
-interfering people
-people who hate them selves
-people who keep telling me wht to do
-controlling people
-people who keep insulting
-3ayshen fel dor people
-loud voice people
-poeple who makes me feel i'm stupid
-"i know everything" people
-lying people
-faking people
-aggressive people
-disgusting people
-harming animals people
-poeple who don't think before speaking
-people who misjudge people
-tenken people (esp those who says " yaaaay balady")
-be2a people
-poeple who don't listen to people
-people who always think they are right

-being shy
-i feel i'm always embarrassed
-shouting at someone
-forgiving and not forgeting
-being worried
-being un tidy
-sometimes forget my self and act as if i'm a princess
-living in fantasy
-getting up set if i couldn't make something
-sacrifising
-hiding my anger or deppression
-exploding like a bome after hiding them
-over reacting
-being over sensetive
-lossing my temper
-loving things or people more than they deserve
-not acting fast in shocks
-being kind
-being mean
-zanana
-bashbat besor3a
-hating my self sometimes

Some ppl pass through ur life leaving a strange feeling inside of u , that makes u search for them all ur life...that person who left u up and made u toch the stars.
that is y we have an empty space in our hearts...waiting for him to fill it up. but sometimes we stop and think... when r u gonna come? missed u big time.
then you keep cry for his absence..cry for how u feel lonely in this , while many friends and family are around you...
but there is just tht thing tht still missing inside u, u miss the feeling of stroking ur head gently , or a soft kiss on ur forehead.
some whispers in ur ears " hey, it's ok now ", " i'm here"..."shhh i don't wanna c ur tears, though u look beautifull when u cry".
u think about all these thoughts in the late night , while ur looking out side ur window.
wipe your tears then go to sleep and your mind is still thinking...

As i discoverd tht i'm annoying person who likes to get many many things i thought of writing down all the things i wish to have one day or another....

- Nokia 7373 (tht mobile was made for me =D )
- a new bow and some strings for my violen
- a new bag for my violen
- blue high lights in my hair
- meshray rashed Cd's (all the holly Quraan ones)
- pulp fiction movie
- the wall movie (pink floyed's)
- a new chair with wheels for my desk
- some nice designing programs (for layouts and so)
- angles and demons (by: dan brown)
- some sweet valleyhigh's stories
- desiny's cartoons (hope to get all of them , i have just some..i adore cartoons yay)
- buttercup slippers
- all rocky's movies
- laklok or kloklo...i don't wht's called but it's tht slippers u wear while ur sleeping to cover ur legs lol
- play station 2 (my dream)
- kick boxing gloves
- kick boxing sand box
- a new roller blades (mine r too small now and i miss skatting)
- yuna's doll
- a jansport bag
- a pink sunglasses
- a pink eyeglasses
- a silver braclet with my name onit
- a blue citroeen C3 car

maybe i'll add some more

I hate it when people leave without saying they will...1st they attract u to them then....bye bye without saying it...that the most thing i hate coz i'm easily attracted to others , and hang on deeply...it's maybe a good thing maybe not...
i think it's not, coz as i said i hate it when they just vanish...then all of a sudden they apear again , i know they might be busy or so...but 5 mins isn't so hard to make esp. if they do care abt you.
some ppl did tht to me...and now i don't talk with them any more, i have my reasons and ways as they had theirs.
plz if someone wanna leave , just say so don't leave me hanging with no clue wondering wht's wrong or if u died or wht! coz i really get worried.
tht's not so hard to ask for is it ?

Wht i won from teenstuff boards was a larg group of friends , caring , loving and everything u can want in friendship =), no it's not just words...but they shinned my life in a way.
i know they rn't younger than me so much...but i feel tht i'm responsible for all of them...they became a part of my life,as if they were my family...tht's y i feel i must take care of them as much as i can...always be there whenever they needed me...they r not just friends (sounds weird, yes)...but as i said they filled up my life...maybe coz i never had a little bro or sis..mostly i was the youngest among my friends and family....
i'm really glad whenever i'm with them, and so happy tht they love me too , they always make me smile and cheer me up without knowing i'm upset =).
it's a gr8 feeling coz now i know tht when i die , there will be some ppl who will remember me forever.they r some of the best ppl ever =) and i'm lucky.
once i was told from a friend tht, i touch ppl's heart and leave a sign in them forever =) tht i was so sweet of him, i hope it can be true.
i thank God for giving me this...in fact i always love to say a do3a2 in my prayers tht make me calm and happy it says" Allahum 2erzokny 7obak wa 7ob man 2a7abk wa 7ob 3amlen yokrebony el 7obak", and i feel tht this prayer is answered =)
Thank you God.

I don't know...
am i too late ?
or it just the rite time
i only believe it's fate
who lead us to know eachothers
i don't know...
did we fell in love?
were we only friends?
i knew one day
that it's gonna ends
i don't know...
how you simply took me away from the world
to somewhere far...
somewhere beyond
all in a sudden
just like this...
i became a princess
and you were my prince
in a big fantasy palace
i was wearing a long pink dress
where we danced all night
though u were wearing black...
u looked so bright
was it coz the star i pinned in ur suit?
oh! i never told u..
it made u look so cute
i don't know..
tht way u looked at me
made me dream of this fantasy
now u will go without knowing this
wihtout knowing how much
ur gonna be missed.

* ok i was suppose to write a poem for march issue , it was suppose to be related to mother's day and so... so my mind was so clear i couldn't think of a new idea....so i decided to just hold my pen and start writing wht ever i feel...wht ever inside....loool and tht is how exactly tht poem was written...lol i'm not even sure it's a poem...and aparently it's AWAY of mother's day =D...after i realized tht it's not good for march at all....i thought a little and wrote the other poem u'll read just after this post , and it was a new nice idea..just hope i wrote it good enf , as i felt this one"

From a mother and a baby's diaries

I heard her voice calling my name
i saw her tears falling like rain
i looked to her with a smile
and started to sing a lullaby
she finaly fell asleep
but when i was about to go
she started to weep
i came in again, stroked her head
i leaned to kiss her,
and slept beside her in bed
-------------------------------------
i relaxed when i felt her near
she hugged me tenderly
that i lost my fear
my little hands were over her face
my head over her chest
that made me feel ease
i wish i can grow up and say:
"i love you dear mother"
and " happy mother's day"

p.s: inspired by lojayn =)

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"
You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out,
"Isn't something missing?"
"Isn't someone missing me?"
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?
And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something.......
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"

by: Evanescense

I put my hands inside and felt
something soft with a beautifull scent
i held it up to see
what this soft thing would be?
i smiled when i held it close
it was a pretty red rose
it's a simple way
which carries alot of meanings
without thinking of words to say
it can easily express your feelings
i kissed it slow and gentle
for what it meant was so sentimental
i looked again inside the box
and found a little card
i opened it and read:
" i love you"
in a big , painted heart
what a rose and a card can really be
when they leave a memory inside of me

* this's the poem i wrote for feb. they changed it a bit...but i actually love the real one more =)*