i'm starting to make new things :
learning japanese and italian
walking and jogging...almost everyday.
anything more?
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Random thoughts
the weather was so nice today, it was so gloomy in the morning tht the sun didn't appear , then it rained for a while and now i can hear thunder.
most ppl find the thunder very scary, the sound makes u shiver. do u know tht this is how the sky pray?. i find it very very charming, there is an un seen beauty behind it tht makes me feel i'm strong and not alone in this world. really sub7an Allah i wish muslims can b as strong as tht sound of thunder, instead of freaking out from it lol.
my days been nearly the same, i'm waiting for some changes tht might turn my life path. i'm not sure if the path i drew b4 is still there.
God really put strange things in our way...things u never thought tht u can do or be. i started out with a dream of being a journalist i never thought i could do anything but writing. now, i'm a writer *not as i really hoped* but i never thought tht my name would really appear in any website or magazine.
i never wanted to be a teacher, i never thought i'd b able to work in a school and give some information to a group of annoying kids.
but i feel i've succeded as a nursery teacher, and so far i think i'm doing fine as a highschool teacher. it's weird tht i even enjoy it. i never loved teaching but now it's becoming a passion.
sub7an Allah when i think of all the things i've been dreaming of and prayed so hard to reach...i find out tht God made my dreams come true elhamdolelah...just few things left tht i'm sure it will come on the rit time isA.
i should b sleeping now :S !
most ppl find the thunder very scary, the sound makes u shiver. do u know tht this is how the sky pray?. i find it very very charming, there is an un seen beauty behind it tht makes me feel i'm strong and not alone in this world. really sub7an Allah i wish muslims can b as strong as tht sound of thunder, instead of freaking out from it lol.
my days been nearly the same, i'm waiting for some changes tht might turn my life path. i'm not sure if the path i drew b4 is still there.
God really put strange things in our way...things u never thought tht u can do or be. i started out with a dream of being a journalist i never thought i could do anything but writing. now, i'm a writer *not as i really hoped* but i never thought tht my name would really appear in any website or magazine.
i never wanted to be a teacher, i never thought i'd b able to work in a school and give some information to a group of annoying kids.
but i feel i've succeded as a nursery teacher, and so far i think i'm doing fine as a highschool teacher. it's weird tht i even enjoy it. i never loved teaching but now it's becoming a passion.
sub7an Allah when i think of all the things i've been dreaming of and prayed so hard to reach...i find out tht God made my dreams come true elhamdolelah...just few things left tht i'm sure it will come on the rit time isA.
i should b sleeping now :S !
Thursday, December 16, 2010
The truth of "Having Faith"
How many times u asked yourself this question, “oh God y me? What did I do to deserve all of this?” For some people problems may seem like the end of the world. When we face some problems or things just don’t turn the way we planned. We usually think that God is punishing us for being bad people. However it’s actually part of his merciful.
Sometimes we keep wondering about what went wrong or who fault was it, we search a lot for the reasons. And there are always reasons but sometimes it’s just better not to know them because it will make us feel even worse. And that’s how God is merciful on us.
“…it maybe that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you don’t know.” Surat Al-baqarah (216)
" وَعَسَى أَن تَكْرَهُواْ شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَّكُمْ وَعَسَى أَن تُحِبُّواْ شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَّكُمْ وَاللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنتُمْ لاَ تَعْلَمُونَ"
سورة البقرة 216
God knows best, and he’s trying to show us this through many things around us. But the easiest things EVER can still b the hardest EVER
The recipe is very easy:
%100 Yaqen + Taslem = strong Iman = all ur wishes will come true.
Yaqen is to believe in what you want and of God ability.
Taslem is to do what you can do and leave out all the rest for God.
In Surat “Al kahf” when prophet Musa (PBUH) was on a journey with Al-khedr. They met a little kid on their way which Al-khedr had to kill. Prophet Musa was so surprised…why on earth did it happen?! Why did he kill the little kid? What did this kid do to get killed by a strange, while he was innocently playing with his friends?
I wonder how his parents felt about it. How did they accept that their only child was murdered in such way? I guess for them nothing can be worse. They never knew that he’d be a bad person when he grows up and they didn’t know that God will give them another good child. God is so mercy, he didn’t want them to suffer, he didn’t want the little kid to suffer and that’s y he sent al khedr to kill him. Sometimes it’s better not to know the reason “why did it happen”. Only Coz God love us so much he doesn’t tell us the reason why, coz we’d feel worse if we knew.
“And your Lord is Forgiving, the Lord of Mercy….” Surat al kahf (the cave) 58.
""وَرَبُّكَ الْغَفُورُ ذُو الرَّحْمَةِ..." سورة الكهف 58
Don’t tire yourself asking too many questions just have faith that God is doing the best for you. Have faith that he loves you so much. Ask him with all your heart for what you want; he’s the only one who can make your dreams come true. as He’s the owner of everything..Our hearts..Our minds and our souls.
Monday, December 06, 2010
Random thoughts
my beloved blog, i've missed u alot. i hate when i don't rit tht much i wish i can rit like b4 but it seems tht life is really taking us to another path.
i've never thought i'd become a teacher, i never thought i'd ever give up journalism. it's not tht i don't like teaching...i'm passionate abt teaching but it was never my dream.
i'm spending a hard time nowdays...i'm removing some old memories from my life for good, taking some new decisions that will take my life to another road.
i hope i wont lose my way, may God keep me on the rit track, may the angels of earth and sky guard me and lift me up when i slip.
i hope i'd stay happy, and be able to make everyone around me happy.
i hope i can rit more but i'm out of words now
i've never thought i'd become a teacher, i never thought i'd ever give up journalism. it's not tht i don't like teaching...i'm passionate abt teaching but it was never my dream.
i'm spending a hard time nowdays...i'm removing some old memories from my life for good, taking some new decisions that will take my life to another road.
i hope i wont lose my way, may God keep me on the rit track, may the angels of earth and sky guard me and lift me up when i slip.
i hope i'd stay happy, and be able to make everyone around me happy.
i hope i can rit more but i'm out of words now
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Random thoughts
Why do I feel that I don’t worth it? Or am I dreaming too high?, I can’t reach my sky. I feel so small in this world. Like I don’t deserve anything. It hurts to think this way.
I don’t wanna b like that. Maybe it’s just loneliness, I miss all the people who rn’t here anymore. I hide my tears and keep them till night.
I just have that big empty space that nothing fulfills. Did I exceed my own expectation or I just have my own freaking perception.
I wish to end up everything, I wish to kill these beautiful dreams, I wish I can stab my heart and stop those heart beats.
My dearest God, please help me please, I have no one else here. Totally no one else but you.
I’m waiting…
Waiting….
And waiting….
Give me the strength to carry on waiting.
I don’t wanna b like that. Maybe it’s just loneliness, I miss all the people who rn’t here anymore. I hide my tears and keep them till night.
I just have that big empty space that nothing fulfills. Did I exceed my own expectation or I just have my own freaking perception.
I wish to end up everything, I wish to kill these beautiful dreams, I wish I can stab my heart and stop those heart beats.
My dearest God, please help me please, I have no one else here. Totally no one else but you.
I’m waiting…
Waiting….
And waiting….
Give me the strength to carry on waiting.
Saturday, November 06, 2010
Random feelings
i'm still breathing, and still alive...taking part in putting a smile on every face i meet..yet can't even draw a fake one on mine.
my throat is killing me now really, i need to cry. plz don't ask me y
Monday, October 25, 2010
Random thoughts
<< Story >>
we spoke as if we knew eachother since our life started.my scraf began to move genetly along with the wind.
actually my life really started tht day =)
i lost all the sense of time , all the sense of distance...i didn't think of anything except ur words...and my unspoken words.
my numb feelings started to grove,my heart beats as if a mountain moved.
i saw myself through ur eyes...and nothing else i need from this world =)
i wondered...r u feeling the same?
well, it's ok i don't really care, i'm satsified coz i'm sure of wht i feel
now, the moment is over u put me safly back on earth, and ever since tht day....i just sit there beside the window as it started to rain... nothing i can do except
Wishing so hard..dreaming so hard...praying so hard.....and having faith from the deep of my heart
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Random thoughts
some times we spend the best time in our lives, but we don't realize it untill it ends. it can eve be few moments but it means alot, in fact you can spend all the rest of your life remembering it and smiling , wondering could i ever get those days back?
maybe yes...or maybe it's better to wait for better days.
i still like how i feel these days...things r kinda going on smoothly, yes... it's better not to rush in.
i'm praying very hard
i'm praying for you my lord and u know wht i want.
the reason y i'm praying so hard for this, is tht i believe so much in wht i'm feeling rit now, i trust my choice and i think i'm ready. i trust my God and i trust my heart tht's y i'm sure tht God will answer my prayers...and i'm leaving out all the rest.
maybe yes...or maybe it's better to wait for better days.
i still like how i feel these days...things r kinda going on smoothly, yes... it's better not to rush in.
i'm praying very hard
i'm praying for you my lord and u know wht i want.
the reason y i'm praying so hard for this, is tht i believe so much in wht i'm feeling rit now, i trust my choice and i think i'm ready. i trust my God and i trust my heart tht's y i'm sure tht God will answer my prayers...and i'm leaving out all the rest.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Random thoughts
i just noticed tht i used to call my post, random thought-1 , random tought-2...but i don't count them any more. it seems tht they all became the same , maybe my whole life became the same.
it's depressing when it's hard to express ur feelings, words ran't coming out easily as they used to.
i was checking some pix and found this one on my way, and it's so true a simple word can heal or tear...
i wish i hear the words i wanna hear. i wish i can say many things, yet i dont know how it's gonna be if i let those words out..
oh how i wish life would b much easier than tht.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Random thoughts
There r times were i feel too weak, too helpless tht i can't do anything and i simply feel tht i'm falling apart and the best solution is to shut my eyes and never wakeup.
i feel very tired, many things to do in very short time. many ppl tht i have to listen to...when no one feels my inner silent screaming.
i wish we had restart button like the computer, i'll get to restart all over agin without thinking of the old days...
when i look bk at my life i c tht i was totally different, it's not abt being better or being worse...
but some wounds remain in ur heart forever...reminds u of how much it hurted when ever u try to smile and b happy.
am i still broken?
is my heart still bleeding?
sometimes i stand on feet and let my head up high.i lay bk on the ground and stare on the sky...i look at the shining stars and i name each star with a dream of mine...but then they disappear, they simply start to vanish in the sky.
and tht's were i slowly start to crumble,i start to break down and fall apart..and think million times... was it my fault?
i don't regret anything tht i did in mylife, but i regret for not doing things tht i think i should have done...things i should've said.
sometimes i have to pretend tht i laugh...i even laugh hysterically tht my friends say..." r u crazy".
i don't understand
i don't understand anything....
i feel very tired, many things to do in very short time. many ppl tht i have to listen to...when no one feels my inner silent screaming.
i wish we had restart button like the computer, i'll get to restart all over agin without thinking of the old days...
when i look bk at my life i c tht i was totally different, it's not abt being better or being worse...
but some wounds remain in ur heart forever...reminds u of how much it hurted when ever u try to smile and b happy.
am i still broken?
is my heart still bleeding?
sometimes i stand on feet and let my head up high.i lay bk on the ground and stare on the sky...i look at the shining stars and i name each star with a dream of mine...but then they disappear, they simply start to vanish in the sky.
and tht's were i slowly start to crumble,i start to break down and fall apart..and think million times... was it my fault?
i don't regret anything tht i did in mylife, but i regret for not doing things tht i think i should have done...things i should've said.
sometimes i have to pretend tht i laugh...i even laugh hysterically tht my friends say..." r u crazy".
i don't understand
i don't understand anything....
Saturday, October 09, 2010
Random thoughts
ok so is there something wrong? with me ? maybe? i don't know.i feel kinda happy...kinda like butterflies, or even better...i feel like dipping sushi in soya sauce.
i love the way i feel now, althought i don't get it but it makes me listen to every single romantic song i used to listen to. makes me wanna dance and dream.
actually it gives me hope..it's gives me oxygen.
let's wait and c...wht's still hidding =)
i love the way i feel now, althought i don't get it but it makes me listen to every single romantic song i used to listen to. makes me wanna dance and dream.
actually it gives me hope..it's gives me oxygen.
let's wait and c...wht's still hidding =)
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
Random thoughts
i looked to my self in the mirror and stared alittle bit, am i weird person? am i freak? y am i stubborn? y do i hate to break the rules...
i hate to feel tht there r any gates or fence around me, maybe tht's y i lock myself into my fantasy world.
i admit i'm an awkward combination...too many things tht it's hard to be in a noraml human being...umm things like...
i love wrestling
i love pink colour
i love metal,rock, pop,rap and instrumental songs
i play bass guitar
i played violin
i love dalida and fayroz and mahmoud el essily
sometimes i listen to abu el lef and even tamora! *but i don't love them ya3ni*
i love horror movies althought i get scared sometimes...i love to scare myself
i LOVE dogs...sometimes even more than some ppl
i LOVE writing
i LOVE teaching
i LOVE cilantro
i LOVE riding bikes
i LOVE my powerpuff girls dolls
i LOVE watching cartoon
i LOVE chinese food and dresses
i LOVE reading
i hate to tidy up things...my room is a simi-organized chaoes
i love to add my touch in everything i have
i'm sentimental yet ma3ndesh dam
i love spirtual things
i don't shake hands with guys...and i'm very happy tht i don't
i love doing manythings even if i don't have the time for them
i love laying on bed,,stare at the celling and starts..thinking
i love long rides with my headphones on
i believe i'm a good driver..i don't drive like women
i love nature....esp the sea with sunset
i believe i'm a princess
i love singing yet my voice is TERRIBLE...
tht's all i can remember abt myself...now tell me who can even bear living with a person like tht! lol no one?
Sunday, October 03, 2010
Random thoughts
Today went in a very good day more than i've expected.
i entered 2 classes by myself for the 1st time in grade 8 and grade 9...
i kids r ADORABLE they r full of life, full of love.... they just need to have more faith...more hope and more dreams...
i loved being with them today...i felt tht they needed to vent, they need to know many thing about life more than study this and that.
Grade 8 were toooooo sweet, i can't believe tht 2 hours passed so quickly i didn't want to leave.
i asked them to rit me a feedback, and i found cutest feed back ever!
tht made me more excited and motivated...i knew tht this is where i belong.
i'm so overwhelmed tht they accepted me and loved me...
they really lifted my spirit up high.
as for grade 9 , i can deny tht i was soo worried b4 going to them, and actually the 1st hours was a total mess! i was about to collapse.
i think some of them hate me alot rit now, but by the 2nd hour things got little better, and by the end of the lesson we were all laughing from our hearts..
i loved being with them as well although it's too hard to deal with them.. they don't give any kind of expression tht u never understand their needs.
so far i feel tht i'm doing good elhamdolelah...
Thanks to u my beloved LORD i wouldn't have done anything without u.
i entered 2 classes by myself for the 1st time in grade 8 and grade 9...
i kids r ADORABLE they r full of life, full of love.... they just need to have more faith...more hope and more dreams...
i loved being with them today...i felt tht they needed to vent, they need to know many thing about life more than study this and that.
Grade 8 were toooooo sweet, i can't believe tht 2 hours passed so quickly i didn't want to leave.
i asked them to rit me a feedback, and i found cutest feed back ever!
tht made me more excited and motivated...i knew tht this is where i belong.
i'm so overwhelmed tht they accepted me and loved me...
they really lifted my spirit up high.
as for grade 9 , i can deny tht i was soo worried b4 going to them, and actually the 1st hours was a total mess! i was about to collapse.
i think some of them hate me alot rit now, but by the 2nd hour things got little better, and by the end of the lesson we were all laughing from our hearts..
i loved being with them as well although it's too hard to deal with them.. they don't give any kind of expression tht u never understand their needs.
so far i feel tht i'm doing good elhamdolelah...
Thanks to u my beloved LORD i wouldn't have done anything without u.
Saturday, October 02, 2010
Random thoughts
God is great! reallly!!! i trust him i have soooooo much faith i know he's doing the ebst thing for me....Thank God for everything....
i was tht close to lose my mind...when all of a sudden my great lord saved me !
it was more like magic!
thank u for being my LORD...thank u God for everything...i know there r still good news coming isA
i believe
i have faith...
i was tht close to lose my mind...when all of a sudden my great lord saved me !
it was more like magic!
thank u for being my LORD...thank u God for everything...i know there r still good news coming isA
i believe
i have faith...
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Random thoughts
Choices can be very hard.i've been in so much confusion. i wish the signs can be more clear than tht coz REALLY i don't get it :(.
as my friend told me yesterday i should "go with the flow" i know i'm old enf to take the right decision isA. And i know tht God wont leave me hanging and will do the best for me isA...
God, please don't leave me, please give me some guide to the right way....
as my friend told me yesterday i should "go with the flow" i know i'm old enf to take the right decision isA. And i know tht God wont leave me hanging and will do the best for me isA...
God, please don't leave me, please give me some guide to the right way....
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Random thoughts
Yesterday and today r very weird...
a best friend of mine is getting engaged...another one is getting divorced
i spoke to a new friend and i was so happy to talk to....then i had a small fight with another friend and he made me sooooo angry...
and today... i felt so embarresed! i got a groom from work :S omG i wished i would disappear, it all started when one of my friend teachers came and told me tht she want to speak with me, and i found her asking me on our way "r u engaged?, r u in a relationship?". and i was like " :S no?!".
then it all came out..i found one of the parents *who i met b4 coincidentally out b4*
and she simply told me: " miss shams...do u remember tht day when we met at hyper one? i had my brother with me and he really liked u alot, do u mind if i took ur mum's number".
i had tht look on my face tht says:"HUH!?". :D and i kept saying things like" mesh 3arfa" and " let me tell her 1st" and things like tht but she insists on taking the number so i gave her my sister's number...i was really to shy to her " no, thanks i'm not so interested".
plus i don't even remember seeing a guy with her tht day! how come he saw me and liked me all of a sudden!
ummm it seems tht alot of things will happened soon (rabena yostor) :S
a best friend of mine is getting engaged...another one is getting divorced
i spoke to a new friend and i was so happy to talk to....then i had a small fight with another friend and he made me sooooo angry...
and today... i felt so embarresed! i got a groom from work :S omG i wished i would disappear, it all started when one of my friend teachers came and told me tht she want to speak with me, and i found her asking me on our way "r u engaged?, r u in a relationship?". and i was like " :S no?!".
then it all came out..i found one of the parents *who i met b4 coincidentally out b4*
and she simply told me: " miss shams...do u remember tht day when we met at hyper one? i had my brother with me and he really liked u alot, do u mind if i took ur mum's number".
i had tht look on my face tht says:"HUH!?". :D and i kept saying things like" mesh 3arfa" and " let me tell her 1st" and things like tht but she insists on taking the number so i gave her my sister's number...i was really to shy to her " no, thanks i'm not so interested".
plus i don't even remember seeing a guy with her tht day! how come he saw me and liked me all of a sudden!
ummm it seems tht alot of things will happened soon (rabena yostor) :S
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Random thoughts
How good can "chances" be?, i think best things come by chance, but do they vanish so quickly after living u in the most amazing feeling ever?.
i still can't sleep and wht surprise me is tht i go to work looking so active.
it's weird how things happeneds all of a sudden.
i wish i can sleep today..i wish i can stop thinking...
will i ever live to b a mother?? and i wonder how i'll b like? am i going to be strict? am i going to b too open minded? or just something in between..
how's my prince charming will look like? is he going to be a REAL man? someone i can depend on, someone who can embrace me? is he going to share mylife and my crazines, to b my other half, to be my soul mate. to make me feel i'm a princess and a little spoild gurl when needed..
r we gonna travel the world together? do activities together?, i'd let him enter my special world and i'd be into his.
i know life wont b too pinky....but i hope we can get over everything on our way...no matter how bad things went...we still have respect, dignity and loyalty for eachother.
dear my mr annoymous...i know tht u r there and i'm not sad tht ur not here yet. i just miss u alot and would love to tell u tht. take ur time u don't have to rush in, coz when ever ur ready i will b ready too, just dont hesitate knocking my door :)
God bless u
i still can't sleep and wht surprise me is tht i go to work looking so active.
it's weird how things happeneds all of a sudden.
i wish i can sleep today..i wish i can stop thinking...
will i ever live to b a mother?? and i wonder how i'll b like? am i going to be strict? am i going to b too open minded? or just something in between..
how's my prince charming will look like? is he going to be a REAL man? someone i can depend on, someone who can embrace me? is he going to share mylife and my crazines, to b my other half, to be my soul mate. to make me feel i'm a princess and a little spoild gurl when needed..
r we gonna travel the world together? do activities together?, i'd let him enter my special world and i'd be into his.
i know life wont b too pinky....but i hope we can get over everything on our way...no matter how bad things went...we still have respect, dignity and loyalty for eachother.
dear my mr annoymous...i know tht u r there and i'm not sad tht ur not here yet. i just miss u alot and would love to tell u tht. take ur time u don't have to rush in, coz when ever ur ready i will b ready too, just dont hesitate knocking my door :)
God bless u
Random thoughts
things r getting well so far Thank God =) i LOVE being with the IGCSE esp grade 7 and 8...grade 9 kids r a bit....naughty brings me bk to my highschool days.
as i was correcting some essay today i found one which was so unique and funny =D i couldn't stop laughing when i was correcting it!.
it was by an american student his name is Jibrel , they were suppose to write an essay about their 1st day at school and this is wht he wrote:
"today i woke up at 6am to find my little brother putting on his clothes by my sister...i went to school and we had math the teacher told us abt school and stuff
*then we had physics and the teacher went bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla so i slept
*then we had break and i slept
*and came back and had english
*and the teacher told us to write a essay
*and this is wht i wrote
*"today i woke up at 6 am to..."
as i was correcting some essay today i found one which was so unique and funny =D i couldn't stop laughing when i was correcting it!.
it was by an american student his name is Jibrel , they were suppose to write an essay about their 1st day at school and this is wht he wrote:
"today i woke up at 6am to find my little brother putting on his clothes by my sister...i went to school and we had math the teacher told us abt school and stuff
*then we had physics and the teacher went bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla so i slept
*then we had break and i slept
*and came back and had english
*and the teacher told us to write a essay
*and this is wht i wrote
*"today i woke up at 6 am to..."
seems i'm going to have one gr8 year isA =D
Can't sleep? humph
I wish i could know wht's wrong :(...i hardly sleep at night...i think i had an astral projection for 2 straight days....i wish i can know wht's really happening !
1st i fall deeply asleep then i feel tingles in all over my body and i feel paralised tht i can't move...can't open my eyes...can't say a word.
and if i succeeded in opening up my eyes i go bk to the same thing all over again..
when it happeneds i feel my whole body is too heavy and my heart beats start to b too fast ,i start to see transparent objects. i'm not sure wht r they..is it my body?
i just get really afraid...and feel as if i'm dying.
i wish someone can tell me wht is tht exactly :(.
this feeling is like bittersweet...it's too scary but i kinda don't want it to end
1st i fall deeply asleep then i feel tingles in all over my body and i feel paralised tht i can't move...can't open my eyes...can't say a word.
and if i succeeded in opening up my eyes i go bk to the same thing all over again..
when it happeneds i feel my whole body is too heavy and my heart beats start to b too fast ,i start to see transparent objects. i'm not sure wht r they..is it my body?
i just get really afraid...and feel as if i'm dying.
i wish someone can tell me wht is tht exactly :(.
this feeling is like bittersweet...it's too scary but i kinda don't want it to end
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