Friday, November 30, 2007

When I say that I feel I’m going to die young, I really mean and feel so =( . I’m not saying this to make you feel upset, but I have this feeling strongly in me and really I don’t know why I keep feeling so.
Sometimes I really feel I’m dying… yesterday was one of those sometimes…
I felt I was dying..i couldn’t take my breathe and my heart was beating very fast…I kept saying el shehada and some do3aa…I couldn’t sleep, I was so afraid…I was I kept seeing myself dead…I saw a paper with my name on it…”توفيت الى رحمة الله الطالبه “شمس أحمد this paper was hanging in my colg.
I wondered how my friends will know abt it…esp those who been a while since we talked…I thought abt my best friend…when can she know…after few weeks? Month? It wont be more than tht…
I’m still so afraid…afraid to sleep but never wake up. I wanted to wake my mum up and ask her to sleep beside me…but I couldn’t…and I was really going to wake up and tell my parents that I’m going to die..because I really felt I was going to.
All of this time I was sitting on bed trying to sleep…I succeeded in sleeping…but after less than an hour I woke up again and got the same feeling…
My heart was beating so fast that I felt it’s time..it’s going to stop a minute or another.
I was upset because I didn’t want to die this way…and I was thinking about everything I wanted to do in life.
After a long straggle I finally fell asleep…and woke up to colg.
I couldn’t stop thinking abt death..and wasn’t really sure…what am I supposed to do?
I asked my friend…
“do we feel that we are going to die before dying?”
“yes”
“ do u know someone who felt so wala eh?”
“yes…me”
“c’mon maybe it’s only stress we r all loaded this year”
“I don’t know…but I really feel it so much”
“ok…stop it now plz coz I don’t know how to react in such situations..cheer up keda we ed3ey”
“I do, I just feel weird”.

She changed the subject…

I still get tht feeling at night…sometimes at day… and I found a friend of mine giving me a book to read…

Sub7an Allah…it was abt death maybe it was just a coincidence…

I’m sorry…this might be a very disappointing post.. is might be my last post..? I don’t know…

I can feel tht there is a msg for me…or it can be only colg stress…who knows…

I need your prayers

4 comments:

Inji said...

Shams Sa2soo2a....I swear i had the same feeling a year ago or something..i could feel my breath taken away..i would wake up my mom everynight and tell her to sleep beside me..and even sometimes i would just lay back and wish i would really die as instead of the trap of thoughs i was falling in..I felt really weak and all surrounding me felt that...

Shams..you're in the moment of weakness..you have to get over you're weakness and you have to figure out how...i remember when i felt the same way at some point i just succeeded in convincing myself that if i die it'll only hurt once...i kept struggling for a while..

ba3deen who said that when you feel you're going to die you actually die!! Have you ever asked a dead before what he felt before dying?

Shams it's weakness..and you HAVE TO overcome it..for yourself..even if you're going to die, la qadar Allah, don't let the feeling drown you..


It's time for a change..change the things in your life that you're not satisfied with.. Do something good you'll be proud infront of Allah..make new friends..talk to old friends..study a really boring subject <--- I'm pround when overcome such subjects...buy yourself a flower (or just meet me and i'll buy you one myself ;) )

just remember it's weakness..and know that you will overcome that feeling isA..and remember one more thing there's one who's enjoying it...the devil!

Duon said...

We all are going to die sooner or later. Even the devil will have his own grim reaper waiting for him :)

The point is Shams, God gave you a life, use God's gift wisely. Don't fall in the death whirlpool. It will make your life miserable,awaiting the angel of death every second..

I remember a hadith, that says, when Judgment day falls in, in your hand a plant root, plant it in the soil.

I know the feeling, that we want to do everything, and time isn't in our side.

Honestly, if I die tomorrow, at least I had the confidence intention to do what I will do.That's an accomplishment.

Cheer up Shams, do the things you want to do without fearing the time boogeyman.

Take Care

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Wish I were a Butterfly ... said...

Shams,

I'm really sorry :(. I know I'm a very bad girl as I didn't send u an e-mail. but pleeeeease try to forgive me "if u can". Many things happened & i really can't concentrate.
pleeeeease again ..forgive me.

HaPpy Eid, Shams