When I say that I feel I’m going to die young, I really mean and feel so =( . I’m not saying this to make you feel upset, but I have this feeling strongly in me and really I don’t know why I keep feeling so.
Sometimes I really feel I’m dying… yesterday was one of those sometimes…
I felt I was dying..i couldn’t take my breathe and my heart was beating very fast…I kept saying el shehada and some do3aa…I couldn’t sleep, I was so afraid…I was I kept seeing myself dead…I saw a paper with my name on it…”توفيت الى رحمة الله الطالبه “شمس أحمد this paper was hanging in my colg.
I wondered how my friends will know abt it…esp those who been a while since we talked…I thought abt my best friend…when can she know…after few weeks? Month? It wont be more than tht…
I’m still so afraid…afraid to sleep but never wake up. I wanted to wake my mum up and ask her to sleep beside me…but I couldn’t…and I was really going to wake up and tell my parents that I’m going to die..because I really felt I was going to.
All of this time I was sitting on bed trying to sleep…I succeeded in sleeping…but after less than an hour I woke up again and got the same feeling…
My heart was beating so fast that I felt it’s time..it’s going to stop a minute or another.
I was upset because I didn’t want to die this way…and I was thinking about everything I wanted to do in life.
After a long straggle I finally fell asleep…and woke up to colg.
I couldn’t stop thinking abt death..and wasn’t really sure…what am I supposed to do?
I asked my friend…
“do we feel that we are going to die before dying?”
“yes”
“ do u know someone who felt so wala eh?”
“yes…me”
“c’mon maybe it’s only stress we r all loaded this year”
“I don’t know…but I really feel it so much”
“ok…stop it now plz coz I don’t know how to react in such situations..cheer up keda we ed3ey”
“I do, I just feel weird”.

She changed the subject…

I still get tht feeling at night…sometimes at day… and I found a friend of mine giving me a book to read…

Sub7an Allah…it was abt death maybe it was just a coincidence…

I’m sorry…this might be a very disappointing post.. is might be my last post..? I don’t know…

I can feel tht there is a msg for me…or it can be only colg stress…who knows…

I need your prayers

I feel strange l8ly , for the 1st time I don’t think how many yrs r left till I graduate , now I’m only months away…
For the 1st time I feel tht I’m OLD..not too old..but I never noticed my age b4, I’ve always felt tht I’m a still a child…a teenage…I don’t know how to explain tht but I’ve looked at myself in the mirror…and I felt I’m a young lady…I have responsibilities.
I have a life and a future to start.
I don’t know why I got this feeling now…maybe coz I was so confused abt wht to make after graduating..i have many choices and I don’t know wht to do..and how to start.
I feel I want to make many things in the same time…
I want to make my masters
I want to keep up with the band
I want to work as an air hostess and in the same time write in a magazine
I want to learn continue my German course and take a Spanish one too.
I want to continue my Quran lessons.
I want to make an e-mag
I want to volunteer in 57357 hospital
I want to join culture wheel and make a membership
I want to join some yoga’s lessons
I want to study metaphysics online

And many many things tht rn’t on my mind now

Life is passing by so quickly , I’m afraid to die before leaving a sign , and I really hope I’d leave one…

p.s:

dear i wish i was a butterfly

thnx alot dear for ur concern , =) u made my day bgad, i'm so exhausted and have lots of things to do everyday...barly find time to sleep =(..yeah colg is killing me tht's y i am away, and sadly it's not just the grad project...i feel i'm committing suicide this yr =D...

ed3ely plz hunny

thnx alot =)

i've been facing weird situations on my way home l8ly.. :S
i never thought tht there still something in some ppl called N-I-C-E or S-W-E-E-T....
i was "sayma"on a colg day and going home after "el- ma3'reb"prayer as usual..."3adi 3adi"
when "el 2athan"was starting i 4got to buy anything to break my seyam with...i searched in my bag for anything but i all i found was...like always...gum.
then i heard the guy siting behind me calling...

Miss...miss...etfadly

i turned and found him offering me a chocolate patee..i was surprised... and didn't get it at 1st..

enty sayma we lesa el tare2 tawel..he said smiling...

i was still surprisd...how did he knew tht i'm sayma :S?...

i was puzzled for a while then i said, merci gazak allah 5yran...and smiled bl =)

he kept offering it again for a while... and i kept thanking him all over again..

i'm still surprised how did he know tht i'm sayma !!
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i was bk from my friend's house..standing in "medan lelt el qadr"waiting for a nice cute tok-tok to drive me home... * there r no much taxies in 6 october yet*
so...i was standing...then i heard someone from behind..

hwa 7adretek 3awza tero7y feen?

i was :s 1st then i answered...el 7ay el estesmary....

he: 3and masaken el shabab? his acsent seemed not egyptian...

me: umm..yes??

he: tayeb ana saken henak law te7by awsalek fe tare2y...

me: :S la2 merci awi gazak Allah 5yran...

he: gazana wa 2eyakom...bas law te7by awslek 3ashn mato2fesh keda...

me: la la merci ana harkb 3ala tool isA.

he: =) ok..ber7tek..

after abt 5 min. i didn't notice he was still standing...
then he goes again...

modmazel.....

me: *awel mara 7ad yeklmny be zo2 awi keda fa tab3an tana7t*...yes...

him: belah 3alek mynfa3sh to2fy lewa7ed keda...yaret te2baly awsalek..mat5fesh walahi!...

me: rabena ye5alek merci keter bgad bas ana isA hrkab 3ala tool....

him: asly mesh 3awez asebk keda...

me: merci awi rabena ye5alek...ana met3aweda ..

him: *disappointed* tayeb...mesh 3wza ay 7aga?

me: gazak allah 5yran

him: gazana wa 2eyakom...

*btw he looked so decent awi*

we tab3an elhumdolelah eny ana 3oyony mesh daba7a we sha3ry mesh asfar we byter fel hawa , fa i'm sure it wasn't harrasment...in fact i was coming bk from colg wearing my janesport back bag so i wasn't in my best looks either... lol

anyways i'm really surprised...feeh keda fel denia?...
sub7an Allah....i thought these kinds of guys died in the war as everyone says...lol...

it's also nice to feel tht stranger can care abt u more than ppl u know...in a way u still matter for someone even if u don't know...

weird... =)