i was in the taxi when i heard a song by tamer hosni tht says...

محدش فاهم حاجه...محدش حاسس بيه
واحد اتنين تلاته يا عين والباقى مش سائل فيه

i can't remember the words but the song was so deppressing full of sadness and pissmistic , negative thoughts !
why on earth would someone RIT , SING OR COMPOSE SUCH SONG, seriosly it made me hate my self , hate ppl and even wish to DIE... omG!! it is TERRIBLE.
all the song he keeps saying...no one loves me .... no one cares...no one listen....i have no friends bla bla bla...what a pathetic , sick person!...even if some ppl feel like tht , why would he express it and make them feel even worse...
bad bad BAD song...never listen to it

ppl i'm a human too...plz don't push me so much..i need a break seriosly!
u don't know tht i brust into tears when u keep loading me that way!! and u'r not helping at all and then u'r complaining...and even blam me!!!!!

OMG! can't someone shoot me?!!

is it important how i feel?? why i don't care abt my feelings tht much like some ppl do? why do i care abt how others gonna feel?...y do i would let myself hurt just to make others feel better?? eventhough it would make me feel terrible or bad....why? WHY?
and why can't i stop doing tht???!!!! , maybe i love me that way....

for the 1st time i don't feel sad coz i'm getting old....infact when i went to the new t.s workshop...i felt i was like observing others...teenagers...mostly younger than me... i saw tht gurl...cute...short...i kept like watching her...her hopes and dreams... lol her hair...her clothes...evern her relation with her friends...bestfriends...her passion...her face...her smile...i felt i know her...and i kept staring at her so she probably think i'm stupid lol.
anyways... she just reminded me of me when i was her age....
tht was really nice...and i was happy dunno why...
phew...am not making any sense am i?

UR Thoughts + UR feelings = creating ur own future

still it's all as we dream...what we wish for...is what we get

i can´t sleep,
i just can´t breathe
when your shadow is all over me
baby don´t wanna be, a fool in your eyes
´cause what we had was built on lies
and when our love seems to fade away
listen to me hear what I say
i don´t wanna feel the way that i do
i just wanna be right here with you
i don´t wanna see see us apart
i just wanna say it straight from my heart
i miss you...
what would it take, for you to see
to make you understand that i´ll always believe
you and i,
can make it through
and i still know, i can´t get over you
´cause when our love seems to fade away
listen to me hear what I say
i don´t wanna feel the way that I do
i just wanna be right here with you
i don´t wanna see
see us apart i just wanna say it straight from my heart
oh baby i miss you, i do...
´cause when our love always fades away
listen to me hear what I say
i don´t wanna feel the way that i do
i just wanna be right here with you
i don´t wanna see see us apart
i just wanna say it straight from my heart
i miss you, i miss you i do...
i don´t wanna feel the way that i do
i just wanna be right here with you
i don´t wanna see
see us apart
i just wanna say it straight from my heart
oh baby i miss you, i do...

I read this theory before :

we all love to ride the roller coaster in the funfair!! though it's dangerous...might get us killed!..true...but we still ride it...risk....yes...might get hurt....might not...
doesn't that sound like sumthing else??....love maybe???
that's how love goes...don't ask me why lol...
no seriosuly...love...might get hurt and might not...it might not get us killed but it can leave deep wounds and scars...still we can always love again....

do i believe in tht?

oh rit happy birthday me....

wht am i suppose to write here?

Yrs r passing so so quickly, am i getting old?? , 20 yrs isn't OLD but.. i feel i am...maybe coz there wil be some changes...including changing home...it's more like a new start in a new world...spirit? lol...yeah a new spirit maybe?..a new life?? why not... is it still gonna be me?...my inside is still the same..so is my deepest feelings.
sometimes i feel i'm lossing everyone around...am i?...can my dreams still come true?...i still pray...is it the my time to be answered?... still wondering...do i get a happy ending?

Can't sleep in my new room...adabting in the new house is hard..i didn't sleep for abt 2 days!!... new ppl and new system...new start i guess...
new things happened...and still more to be.
will i ever get a happy ending for this year????

some ppl follow their hearts and other follow their mind....which one to be followed??...both is so difficulte can barly be done...

feelings or facts...
words or actions..
dreams or reality...

both r needed...


but when it comes to love...which one u'll follow???

Some ppl break you...
and block you...do they care?...no?
so...
does tht means u have to cry over them?, do they deserve it?
No?
yes..NO

i feel sometimes i'm not supposed to be here..too hard to struggle alone in this world...i wanna go home...
The angels around me makes me still here....

am i nuts?

first time to write in arabic...and maybe the last...simply coz my arabic is #*@!#$$@$#$#$ TERRIBLE.
i felt i wanna write it tht way...anyways...
i'm tired... better go to sleep..and better keep busy coz i'm tired of thinking...

اول سنه كليه دى بتبئى غاريبه اوى عشان الواحد بيسستيم نافسو على حاجات جديده كتير.... اهمها البس الخارجى بس على مر السنين الواحد هيلائى نفسه ممكن يلبس نفس البس لمدة اسبوع كامل و ده يا عينى لائنو بكون محتاس فالمشاريع و الابحاث الى ما بتخلسش , لا ده فى ناس كويس اوى انهم بيلحئو يخسلو وشهم الصبح. (مالو يونى فورم المدرسه الى ذى الفل الواحد كان بيلبس نفس اللبس بس على اقل كان بيغيروا و يغسيلو).

تانى حاجه ممكن نلاحظها الغياب و الحضور هتلائى نفسك بتحضر و تلتزم بمزاجك بس بالعافيه فعلا و ده الجديد الاتنين فى و احد , يعنى هما عاملين الغياب ده مش حاجه ملزم بيها بس بعد كده هتتدبس فى درجات اعمال السنه زى حضورك كده و غير كمان انك هتحتاس حوسه مهببه و تبوس ايد الشطار عشان تصور منهم الكشكول او عشان حتى يشرحولك حاجه و طبعا متنساش ان المصرين بتوع الفزلكه يعنى ممكن يحطولك منهج جديد اصلا.

نجيى بئة على الدكترة و الدكترة دول انواع:

فى دكتور عنده ضمير زى ضمير ابله حكمت زمان كده و ده بيكون عاوز يفهم الطالب بأى شكل بس مشكلتوا حجتين انو اولا منهجه طويل اوى و ثانيا هيئرفك فى الدرجات

فى دكتور هدفه الاساسى بيع الكتب بأى شكل و بأى وسيله و صدقنى هتشتريه يعنى هتشتريه

فى دكتره رايئه جدا و ده ممكن يخش يسألك هوه انا بديكوا ايه؟ او انتوا سنه كام؟ و ده لازم تعذره لان مشغولياته كتيره يا حرام مش بئيده برده و بصراحه ده كتيره اوى تشوفوه مرتين فى السنه مره يئولك المنهج و مرة يؤلك الحاجات الملغيه

فى دكاترة استغلاليه يعنى يحبك و يعزك اوى و يديك اعمال سنه فله مش بعيد كمان يخليك تحط الامتحان بتاع الدفعه بتاعتك و كل ده عشان تلخصله حاجات او تعمله بحث و لا حته تترجمله حاجه خاصه بشغله عشان يترقى بيها و يبئه دكتور مساعد و لا مش عارفه ايه

فى دكتره مش مؤدبه تدى الدرجات على حسب درجه جمال البنت و طبعا بيموتوا فى السهوكه و اللبس المدندش و بصراحه النوع ده بيضحك جدا

فى دكاترة متخصصين فى الكروته يئلبلك المنهج فى اسبوعين و يعملك ملزمه 200 صفحه و سبحان الله قدرته قادر شرح ال 200 صفحه امته؟؟ العلم عند الله

فى نوع اخير بئه مالوش حل... يكرهك فى نفسك و فى الماده و فيه هوه كمان مش بيخش محاضرة غير لما يطلع عينك و عين الدفعه و يا ويلك يا سواد ليلك لو سألك و معرفتش تجاوب ... ما فيش داعى اكمل احسن... بس على الفكرة الدكتور بيعتقد ان بالطريقه دى هيخليك احسن و يخليك واحد فعلا بتفهم بس يا عينى مايعرفش انوا ممكن يئلب مع بعض الطلاب بعقده نفسيه فى المستقبل

الدكاترة دول فعلا شغلانه لوحدهم هوه المفرود ان دكتور ده يعنى حاجه راقيه و مستوى ثقافى مالوش حل و ليه شنه و رنه فى المجتمع و لا ايه " بنتى لازم تتجوز دكتور" !.. بلا نيله ده المدرسين بئو احسن دلوقتى .. انا مش بئول ان الدكاترة كلهم و حشين بس يعنى الى يعيش ياما يشوف و هوه اكيد برده كا حاجه ليها سبب يعنى اكيد الدكتور الوحش ده حد كان طلع عينه عشان كده بيطلع عين الطلابه و هو اختلك لى اخيك الاعذار حتى 70 عذرا فان لم تجد فلعل هناك عذرا لم تجده بعد

I have to be strong...keep my faith...it's not people's fault tht they can't feel the way i feel....i they don't get it...and i can't be compared with others.
i'm not dreaming...
it's not fake...
it wasn't....

ya Rab

Confusion...

am i right?
am i wrong?
am i lossing my self?
or am i still strong?
am i lossing my principles??
is it the right way??
am i going too far?
am i being sumone else?..or is it ME.
am i changing into a monster?
is it gonna be a new start?
is it my time to glow?
is it right to do stuff...to let other things go?
i hope it end in a happy way...
i hope it end right..
give me a sign please..
i need to be guide

i don't know y r the pills rn't working probably!!! , i can't stand those fast beats i have!! they r so annoying...
maybe i should change tht heart pills....or go to a new doctor?!

u knw wht...

maybe there is nothing wrong with my heart!!

For you...

I wrote you this

Although u r not gonna read it

but u know how i feel

you have been...

and you'll always be...

a very special part of me

it's too hard to let go...

i know..

and you know..

we'll be together

you and me..

forever..

in our hearts...

deep inside...

till one day, when we can be

together..like before

i was talking with my sister , when she asked me.."how is ur romantic life going?". i looked at her for a while then i answered.."umm..nothing..i'm just single lol , and i think it better for me to stay tht way "i loled. she looked at me puzzled,"y would u say such a thing? u r so young for tht". "i don't know"..i answered..."i think i'm not so much suitable for such relationships..maybe it's a matter of trust…fear?..or i just lost my feelings..sumtimes i feel i'm feelingless..am not like before, even when i used to lock my heart...i was waiting for the endless relationship..and my charming Mr. anonymouse...but now i don't feel it anymore,maybe it was meant for me to be alone…”
my sister is still lookin at me with a stunned face…
I tried to say sumthing chilly so I said,”c’monn I have a busy life over here…all I’m concentrating in is my career and future , did u forget tht ur little sis is gonna be the best journalist and have her own best selling mag….and offcourse…I wont have much time when I go get my noble prize!!...”
I felt she was like…*yeah…rit*
But she said..”wht on earth would make u feel tht way abt ur self?”.
“nothing really”, I replied…”it’s just life u know…”, “y do u sound like a divorced woman with 2 kids? Lol” she said.
“nooo , no way I’d sound like tht =D”.
“well u gave me the feeling tht u r a 35 yrs old woman “.
“don’t worry lol, I’m forever young”.
“yes Miss 20!!!”.
“look who is talking Mrs 23 =D lol!!”.
“anyway young lady..i’m praying for u =)”.
“I know…and I appreciate tht…just don’t tell mom abt our little talk coz she might think I’m nuts or sumthing =D”.
“you are =D..but don’t worry”.

:S uhoh…THE FOOD IS BURNING…