i didn't notice it was my granie's day...i didn't forget it was in june just mixed uo the days...but i heard mom and dad talking and grandpa's crying....
Rabena yer7am el game3.....
i really miss her alot...too bad tht i don't dream of her anymore...
i wished she'd see me graduating...and married...
i'm not sad...i only miss her...

My God rest her soul...and rest us in peace

tomorrow's my graduation project discussion....
exams weren't so good
i hope i'd really graduate :s

so i'm starting my exams tomorrow isA...too close to graduating and i'm starting to accept tht i'll have a new life...i'm already preparing for it...only hopes tht it goes the way i want isA...so i need all the prayers...pray for me when u read this...
almost there...
almost reaching my star

part two....



yes my dear Injy was rit...it's the new rule...25pt for less than 25 kilos....50pt for more....and the driver said tht...he even took the paper from another driver to show it to us.
and tht wasn't just the problem...
tht man sitting in the front who has tht serious look on his face and dark sunglasses...the main leader of the revolution in the microbus...was actually going to medan lebanan not ramses...where the distance is less than 25k so he'd pay 25pt only...
the whole microbus kept arguing and cursing the driver...accusing him of rejecting their right...and he was saying tht it is his right...everything one was just talking abt HIS RIGHT...and there were i should end the story....
wht does actually MY RIGHT means?

i don't know why i don't have any political views....i never read anything about politics...i even don't know wht the word mean....
l8ly the raising of the prices has been causing a big mess all over...
today at the microbus...the driver wanted 250...and some of the passengers said it's on 225...i didn't really cared tht much it was only 25pt anyways, so i was silent all the way and didn't complain...just watched the battle in peace...

~end of part one~

i know it's been a while...but i've been so sick...i stayed at home for like 3 or 4 days...
and as i got a little better and went out to my friend in " 7adaye2 el ahram" , as usual we finish up a bit late so i had to go home at aout 10 pm or something as i recall..however it's only max 30 min btw me and her and i went down at 8 pm...
i stood alot to ride something...abt an hour...and then came a bus.. i was like "el hamdolelah finally going home"......few mint later when we were between "el 7adaye2" and " 6 october" , the bus stopped and the driver said:
" ma3lesh ya gama3a hanzelko hena 3ashn sa7eb el 3rbia 3aweza wel taba3 hyrakebko"
actually he was lying..he just want to turn bk so he can go bk and have more passengers...coz there was only 7 or 8 guys...plus me the only gurl...
we went down...and the driver flew with the bus to the other side and left us with his assist, in the middle of nowhere...there was no a sign for anything....just the desert....
" etfadalo nos el 2ogra ya bahawat 3ashn e7na mesta3glen" he said.
well the 7 men argued with him abt the money...he wanted to give each nos geneh while they wanted geneh...*actually he should have paid the whole 125 pt coz he didn't drive us were we should have gone*
all of this happening and i was starring at them....i didn't say a word...till he came to give me the money...

i closed my eyes for a second....

and i let out a fire of words!...

i kep screaming and shouting...*i don't think i ever shouted like tht b4*

i was like " HOW R WE SUPPOSE TO GO HOME NOW...DON'T U REALISE WHERE THE HELL UR LEAVING US!".

he tried to avoid me but i went back again" YA BANE2DAM ANA BAKLEMK...ENTA MA3ANDKSH E5WAT BANAT...."

and his still want to give me the 50 pt.

and yes the men were standing still in there place watching us =)

i screamed and screamed untill i lost my breathe....

and he simply took the money and ran....

i couldn't really believe wht happened....i kept cursing and insulting then said "7asby Allah wa ne3ma el wakel"

it was the 1st time tht i feel humiliated like tht...i was just like omG...how could i be left like tht...

the men kindly calmed me down...it was funny when one of them said " dah 5ad el nos gehneh" as if it was the problem...

they kindly stopped the 1st microbus on the way too...and the was only one seat so they let me in....

and as i sat i start crying...couldn't hold my self from crying my tears kept falling like rains till i reached home...i tried to stop crying so ppl wont keep looking at me but i couldn't...

it's really a feeling i never had b4.....weak....lost...lonely and afraid...

humiliated....yes...it's hard to tell how bad it is....

i'm not writing this as me shams...i'm writing it as a girl

i'm a girl for God's sake!...

i know worse could have happened but thank God for everything...i'm blissed...

rabena yehdey el game3 ya rab...

i actually noticed something tht's really funny
as i kept saying tht it's been a while since i wrote in my blog...well i guess i know the reason why.
i write most of my posts while i'm sad angry or frustrated...l8ly i've been very happy really so so happy...and i'm not so good in describing my feelings i mean the good ones...so when i'm reallly happy i feel i'm so out of words...my feelings r indescribable
now i'm a bit upset with no reason...crying with no reason...maybe it's the stress and i miss my dogs badly...really i miss them...

i can finally breathe...sweet air is in. going through my hair gently making me shiver as if it's taking away my soul....
it's more liking flying , or floating softly on cold water as the waves come along and push me to the shore.
am i dreaming...
now i yawn and look out of the window..it raining...
so i pray and hope tht my dream come true

Y do i feel soo stupid?

it was a nice day today....but all of a sudden i felt my eyes so wet...dunno the reason of crying...and it's worse when u don't know y.
when i got home i wished to be better...but sadly it wasn't at all.
i hate silence...i hate it when i feel tht someone is really feeling bad and still not talking abt it...i guess it's kinda humilating...no...very actually
anyways...

i'm feeling better nowdays i changed my mood completely, i spent few days off colg
1st i went to agriculture , cairo university i spend a gr8 time with my friends there...God i missed tht kind of happinese..
today i'm writing form the AUC library...i came to watch the international day, it's really gr8 i tasted some food from KSA/ finland / North korea and i took many many pixs i guess i'll go get a tatto too.. =D i'm glad elhamdolelah i don't want to fell the stress again anyways we r almost done and exams r very soon..i'm almost done.

God!...i'm so tired...the past few days were really terrible...i hardly take my breathe..today i burst into tears..i couldn't help it...i do my best to hide my depression so i needed to cry and let it all out....i think by the end of the week i wont feel my feet on the ground.
i wish i can rest for a few days doing nothing and nothing at all

i simply love her...and love everything about her
i even can't stand to be mad at her ..a word or a smile erase it all in less than a sight.
i wonder y i love her so much..i can't live without her..
wht's so special in her...i don't know..i know her abt 9 yrs ago but couldn't get it.
even when we have hard times btw us and i think we r almost crumbling...it simply fades away like it never been there.
again...
i love her and i love the things i hate in her, i hope she'd know how much she means to me...it's so much tht even words can't explain.
God bless her and keeps us together and join us together after death...

Fine! fast heart beats , Qawlon and nose bleeding!!! , wht else should i get mentally?
Thank God i'm alive...
it's been a while...and now it's time..
i'd better sleep

ur never tired of it, r u?
can't u leave a single day without telling me how terrible person i am?
here is a thing if it's gonna matter to u...
i'm tired...i'm tired and don't know wht else i can do for u?
please don't make it harder on me..life is hard enf and i'm hardly trying to feel happy...
just for once don't destroy tht plz.... i let u to enjoy ur life...can't u leave me do the same?
u know wht u mean to me rit?

Gratitude

Thanks for every single smile u draw on my face

am i going to far? losing control of it?
i hope i'm not going the wrong direction and do the same thing once more...
don't wanna lose again..i don't wanna ruin it
should i step back alittle?
i'd better do i guess
but the thing is...can i?...can i step back?
ya Rab....






note: miss u spicy and slider =(

This thing we have...the thing tht i don't know wht to call uptill now...
it's weird tht it's even growing up stronger from the no where
and everyday is different from the one before
i feel i'm born again in a new phase..
somtimes i feel we r both kids playing around in the school play ground...watching cartoons...playing at the funfair...we laugh!
sometimes i feel we r teenage best friends who spend all the together...and suddenly in the end we realize tht it's not just friendship tht we are feeling...
sometimes i feel we r couples , dreaming together and sharing everything...and even preparing for our future...
i can't get it...
and i dn't think i want to understand..
i don't want to think abt it tht much...
just feel and enjoy the moment...

V.I.P : THIS PHONE IS NEEDED!!!!

I've been dreaming abt having this mobile tht nokia created last yr at the valentine and mother's day " L'amour collection"

sadly i couldn't get when it was down at the markets...and when i was able to...i couldn't find it anywhere...but i don't want to give up so easily...so...plz if anyone knows somewhere who sells it or someone who wants to sell it with a nice condition and a nice price..PLZ PLZ and i repeat PLZ tell me!!!

i might sound crazy saying so but i'm strongly attached to this mobile...help if u can!

note:

the details:

Nokia 7373

L'amour collection

pink only !

i want to rit many things but everything mixed up together...i've been so exhausted l8ly and i hate the fact tht i don't have much fun anymore...i don't watch t.v , i don't go out thank God i have some time to eat and pray....
am i doing this on purpose? sometimes i feel as if i like torturing myself...or some stupid way of hiding from whtever...
still...
i'm a happy person elhamdolelah...yes i am happy, i am a cheerful person i have many reasons to be so.
enough tht many of the people around me like to c me happy and smiling always...shouldn't i take it as a good reason?.
anyways i guess i should run now...i have alot to do and a big day tomorrow