Y do i feel soo stupid?

it was a nice day today....but all of a sudden i felt my eyes so wet...dunno the reason of crying...and it's worse when u don't know y.
when i got home i wished to be better...but sadly it wasn't at all.
i hate silence...i hate it when i feel tht someone is really feeling bad and still not talking abt it...i guess it's kinda humilating...no...very actually
anyways...

i'm feeling better nowdays i changed my mood completely, i spent few days off colg
1st i went to agriculture , cairo university i spend a gr8 time with my friends there...God i missed tht kind of happinese..
today i'm writing form the AUC library...i came to watch the international day, it's really gr8 i tasted some food from KSA/ finland / North korea and i took many many pixs i guess i'll go get a tatto too.. =D i'm glad elhamdolelah i don't want to fell the stress again anyways we r almost done and exams r very soon..i'm almost done.

God!...i'm so tired...the past few days were really terrible...i hardly take my breathe..today i burst into tears..i couldn't help it...i do my best to hide my depression so i needed to cry and let it all out....i think by the end of the week i wont feel my feet on the ground.
i wish i can rest for a few days doing nothing and nothing at all

i simply love her...and love everything about her
i even can't stand to be mad at her ..a word or a smile erase it all in less than a sight.
i wonder y i love her so much..i can't live without her..
wht's so special in her...i don't know..i know her abt 9 yrs ago but couldn't get it.
even when we have hard times btw us and i think we r almost crumbling...it simply fades away like it never been there.
again...
i love her and i love the things i hate in her, i hope she'd know how much she means to me...it's so much tht even words can't explain.
God bless her and keeps us together and join us together after death...

Fine! fast heart beats , Qawlon and nose bleeding!!! , wht else should i get mentally?
Thank God i'm alive...
it's been a while...and now it's time..
i'd better sleep

ur never tired of it, r u?
can't u leave a single day without telling me how terrible person i am?
here is a thing if it's gonna matter to u...
i'm tired...i'm tired and don't know wht else i can do for u?
please don't make it harder on me..life is hard enf and i'm hardly trying to feel happy...
just for once don't destroy tht plz.... i let u to enjoy ur life...can't u leave me do the same?
u know wht u mean to me rit?

Gratitude

Thanks for every single smile u draw on my face

am i going to far? losing control of it?
i hope i'm not going the wrong direction and do the same thing once more...
don't wanna lose again..i don't wanna ruin it
should i step back alittle?
i'd better do i guess
but the thing is...can i?...can i step back?
ya Rab....






note: miss u spicy and slider =(

This thing we have...the thing tht i don't know wht to call uptill now...
it's weird tht it's even growing up stronger from the no where
and everyday is different from the one before
i feel i'm born again in a new phase..
somtimes i feel we r both kids playing around in the school play ground...watching cartoons...playing at the funfair...we laugh!
sometimes i feel we r teenage best friends who spend all the together...and suddenly in the end we realize tht it's not just friendship tht we are feeling...
sometimes i feel we r couples , dreaming together and sharing everything...and even preparing for our future...
i can't get it...
and i dn't think i want to understand..
i don't want to think abt it tht much...
just feel and enjoy the moment...

V.I.P : THIS PHONE IS NEEDED!!!!

I've been dreaming abt having this mobile tht nokia created last yr at the valentine and mother's day " L'amour collection"

sadly i couldn't get when it was down at the markets...and when i was able to...i couldn't find it anywhere...but i don't want to give up so easily...so...plz if anyone knows somewhere who sells it or someone who wants to sell it with a nice condition and a nice price..PLZ PLZ and i repeat PLZ tell me!!!

i might sound crazy saying so but i'm strongly attached to this mobile...help if u can!

note:

the details:

Nokia 7373

L'amour collection

pink only !

i want to rit many things but everything mixed up together...i've been so exhausted l8ly and i hate the fact tht i don't have much fun anymore...i don't watch t.v , i don't go out thank God i have some time to eat and pray....
am i doing this on purpose? sometimes i feel as if i like torturing myself...or some stupid way of hiding from whtever...
still...
i'm a happy person elhamdolelah...yes i am happy, i am a cheerful person i have many reasons to be so.
enough tht many of the people around me like to c me happy and smiling always...shouldn't i take it as a good reason?.
anyways i guess i should run now...i have alot to do and a big day tomorrow

sometimes i don't really get my self. like for now i feel i hate everything around me...almsot everything and everyone and i don't know the reason , i just hate when i feel hate
so angry and want to smash anything around
y can't i stop acting like this?
y don't i delete the damn blog and close my msn account!
i don't want to talk....
plz no on ask's malek!

i tried recording my voice today...God! i'm the worst vocal on earth =D...thank God i never sang infront of ANYONE . i never said tht i can sing but i like singing despite the fact tht my voice is terrible lol i still do sing to my self.

From the moment I entered the hospital I was pretty amazed , I never thought tht we would have something so great like tht in Egypt , seriously u'll feel as if ur somewhere out of Egypt. It's like a shining star in the middle of el syaeda zeinab and el madba7 , one of the 7 wonders in the world.
I can't even write it in words, u should go and c it ur self.
The place, the atmosphere , the ppl , the treatment , the order and organizing everything and I repeat EVERYTHING is so perfect .
I felt comfortable there…even while working I enjoyed working there, it was really grea8 to c all the kids happy being there.
I felt pity for the ppl at the institute they r suffering from many other things , not just the pain…
For the 1st time I felt tht I'm really achieving something , doing something useful for someone, the kids loved us there and keep waiting for us to come every day , even the ppl who work there loved us too they r happy coz we made the kids happy.
I just love tht place I love it and proud tht we have something like tht in Egypt , I love the kids I adore their little smile when I teach them something and they ran over to show it to their parents .
Rabena yeshfey kol mared ya rab.
isA I'll never stop going there even after colg.THANK U GOD I'M HAPPY

I'm not so good in expressing my feelings...so much to tell but can't get out of my cheast, i guess maybe when it's time i'll be strong enf to scream them out LOUD!!
but when it's time...am i really gonna say eveything i want? everything i feel?
sometimes when i'm listening to a romantic song...i fly with my thougths and imagination and keep thinking of the day i reveal my feelings...both the good and bad, like to cry and laugh at the same time
i turn back and look at myself, we don't get everything we wish for rit?...so which things i should gave up ???

i never asked my self tht...

why did i make a blog?

i feel as if i'm in a weird dream..i don't know wht's going on...i don't know wht am i doing.
as if it been yrs and yes actually it been yrs...lots of yrs.
many thing changed...whenever march comes...i recall my very old memories...coz it's the month were everthing started to take another way and my life became upside down.
march...the changing point...
sometimes i think for a while and ask myself a question.." is it really me? am i tht person who is now?" mostly the answer is NO.
i don't want to turn back the way i was and still i feel weird for the way i am now.
i want to stand still...i want to stop thinking of my past...i don't want it to affect my future or at least my present...especially tht i feel i'm so close to make my dreams come true.
whenever i'm closer whenever i feel more afraid...i don't want to be hunted.
i don't want to be left alone...i feel so weak and don't want to slip down again.
i hope tht march pass as fast as it can...or else can't we just skip it? can i remove it or delete it from the whole yr! can i go on as if it's april or something??
oh God! wht the hell am i saying!
i think i'm only......bored

I MET RA2ES EL GAM3A!!!!!!! =D....
yesterday i had an apointment with the president of cairo uni. Dr. Ali Abdel Rahman...the meeting was at 1:30 pm so i was there @ 1:20 pm...but we were finally with him @ 3pm =D....yeah he's a busy man...so THANK GOD THANK GOD tht we had the chance to meet him...i think it's a really great progress !!! yes!!! i'm SO proud of myself elhamdolelah... i feel as if i can feel the ground under my feet where i'm standing and where i'm going. for the very 1st time in my life i feel i'm doing something...just a very small step through the future..
elhamdolelah for everything...bgad THANK U GOD!

so... it's been a while...very big one...

here are some news...

elhamdolelah i got gayed gedan last term...and tab3an tab3an elhamdolelah bas it's the 1st time to get gayed gedan and don't feel so happy with it...i'm sure i did more than tht...more to get a better gayed gedan not emtyaz...only better gayed gedan..i'm not sure if anyone can really understand this..bas Qadr Allah masha2 fa3l...and i'm sure tht Rabena hy3wadny be2ezn elah in something or another... =)


this term i'm more like... banta7er =D yeah i'm doing all i can and little of all i cannot...

i feel pain all over, my back my head my shoulders!!!!...physicaly and mentally

i might not rank anything....but i feel so glad tht i'm leaving something...something tht would make sum ppl remember me with =)...
i've never been famous in mylife except when i entered colg...i'm actually so glad abt it coz i'm remembered with good things...very good actually...i'm kinda prud of myself bgad =)...

i feel important...yes i'm an important person =D.... when ever a prof or a teacher needs something...they call for me ! andi feel great helping even greater when wht i did comes out almost perfect!...

again i'm proud of myself and feel more confident =).

today...i was an organizer with 2 of my friends...at a colg party...where we made a presentation and a documentry movie abt luxor and aswan..

and woooooooow they all clapped and the dean thanked us!

weeeeeeeeeeeew =) =D....

suddenly i felt tht i love myself!