how would it feel like..
when u read in the news tht someone died in a terrible accident.
u remain stunned for a while..and u find ur self crying...and u go like" oh! tht girl was my friend at school'
we weren't so close friends...but we were friends enough tht i still have some memories.
---------------------------------------
y do ppl keep talking even after the person's death?, y can't we realize tht it's not us who should judge, it's God ppl!!!!! so leave the judging alone... who we are to say tht this person deserves to die and tht person doesn't!
GET A LIFE!

maybe she was good..and maybe she was bad, i don't care!...all i know is tht she was a human..a girl who went to my same school..and who was in my same class for 3 yrs.

انا لله و انا اليه راجعون
و حسبى الله و نعمه الوكيل

God rest ur soul heba...i'm praying for u with my heart

My talking bothers ppl
my silence bothers ppl
tht's y i wish to vanish
y can't you b there without asking for the reasons?
y can't u answer the questions ur accusing me with?

it feels like i'm alone in a dark room with one tiny candle that glows and glooms at the same time..can anything carries a contradict to itself?
sitting at the corner with my hands on head...i can't feel more words..that's y i don't rit.
my soul is slowly turning numb.
i'm typing this as i close my eyes....(stop).....(think).....(can't find anything else to rit abt now)

yesterday i went to my one of my best friend's wedding, she looked awesome..the wedding was gr8...and all through the wedding my mind kept recalling our old days...
God! what such memories we had...now days and yrs passed and we disappeared...then i found us gathering in her wedding...all grown up but with the same face and the same spirit.
it was amazing to c us all through these ages...still gathering.
I really love you so much, and wish you all the happeniess in the world.
thanks for bringing us up to such a gr8 event.

seeing the 3 of us once again....was a day to be cherished.

we can be our worst enemies and those are the ones we can't defeat.
the conflict btween our inner selves is never seatled down...

sometimes it's better not to talk abt wht bothers you, it might coz more problem..it might hurt someone
so u'd better b in ur own pain forever niether healed nor forgotten. maybe by days u'll get over it, it's only a matter of time.
it's not love tht can only hurt...but sometimes friendship's love can b even harder.
God! i'm still in my babling mood..




p.s: God knows how much i miss you.

i'm not into politics but yyaaayy for Obama

now the world is a bit darker in my eyes..either it went wrong, or i'm the one who got it all wrong from the start.
now we r crumbling.....
i never thought it would hppened tht fast...or even happened this way.
i swear i tried...everything i could, but ur still drifting away and slipping my hands from yours.
you should have told me from the start
that you'll leave me with a broken heart.

nothing still the same, everyday we loss someone in some way...everything change around me including me...life still hurts and ppl still break our hearts.
i stop for a while and think...where did i go wrong?
i am a demanding , irritating and sometimes even boring...
i'm sorry....
maybe it's better to leave everyone alone...maybe it's time to step aside to make no more damage...everyone's happy in his own path...
i admit i can't accept some facts....i can't shut up and just watch
so my existence wont make things any good...wont mean alot
i was wrong...as uasual....
life is still life...
and i'm still babling

I can be out of my mind especially when I'm alone, yesterday when I was about to cross the street going back home, I found myself standing for a while I just kept staring at the cars moving so fast. There was that taxi coming far away…I have no idea y I kept standing waiting till it's closer and I wondered "am I going to make it to the other side?"…I was like hypnotized or paralyzed.

So as the taxi was so close…I started running to the other side…feeling the pumping of adrenaline in my veins and sweating although it was cold…and the fast sound of lupdub.

Hopefully I made it safely to the other side of the street *Thank God* and I heard to sounds…one like a human voice saying" u nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuts" and the other was the taxi horn which went along with the voice " beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeb !".

I have no idea what was I thinking! Probably not killing myself, maybe I was only encouraging myself to save the money and buy a car or I thought about avril lavigne's song "nothing but ordinary" where she said "sometimes I drive so fast just to fear the danger" I wasn't really driving…but running is close too

Well isA I'll get the car in few months I won't need to do this again *I hope*

JUST!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE !!!!!!!!!

i've already felt numb long time ago...i don't want to end up feelingless

love can be killed by love... sometimes too much love can choke love that you can't even feel it or end it up..

why there is a dark side of everything...

happ/iness....lo/ve...frien/dship

is it or is it not the dark side that is larger?
this is not the point anyway...my point is tht there IS and there SHOULD be a dark side, coz without it we can't feel the good one, we wouldn't feel happiness without feeling sadness.
it also explian the theory of GOOD and EVIL, i think life without evil would b boring that you wont be able to feel the good...
i know and babling and non will get wht i wanna say...but tht is coz it's wasn't a good day so far

i apologize if i sometimes seem harsh...but i hate it being so...it's sometime i reach the extreme...sorry that i'm human

wooow i finaly got paid for the 1st time ^^...i took my 1st salary yesterday, and felt so gr88888888888
i couldn't stop thinking of how am i gonna spend the money!!!

yaaaaay me!

i don't wanna sleep coz these bad thoughts starts to appear and when i wake up i keep thinking about them.
i wish i can change them, i wish i can stop thinking about them..
i hate the fact tht i'm tht weak
i hate the fact tht i kinda lost my passion
my inspiration...
i hate the fact tht i'm almost stop writing..even my nonsense stuff

1st day at work..it's wasn't so hard...i have my own desk / laptop and even mobile..but this thing is there is nothing i feel REAL...i'm not the kind who'd site on desk..i love to move and interact with others...i'm happy coz i'm learning something new...but i know i wont last tht long too.
anyways today was...elhamdolelah...sha3'al tht's all i can say for now...

now wht's wrong with me??? i wish i could know..i kinda feel i'm out of mind, i don't even rit like before... i guess i really want to be with myself for a while. i hate the fact tht sometimes i feel tht weak..tht weak tht i can't do wht i love...
i hate tht

i feel stapped...i heard the most shocking thing in my life it hit me hard with a knife.i couldn't sleep since...
i can't stop thinking
and still dont know wht to do
i can't stop crying whenever i feel how paralised am i
i never felt so weak
never thought it would come to u....my best friend

I'm so sad tht i missed a day....my school best friend's wedding...=(
it was really out of my hands and till now i'm still upset, i wish i was there catching such moment. anyways i hope she'd forgive me..
i wish u all the happiness in the world =) from my heart
and from my heart i'm saying tht i love u so much
...........................................................................................................................................................................

Flashbacks

i know it didn't ended so well btw us...but days and years made me realize tht it would take me more than tht to try to stop loving someone
we were kids..teenagers probably...we fought...we screamed..we laughted and cried.
we had bad and good days togther...both can't be forgotten
many times i open my little box and start reading our notes...everything we wrote for eachothers
school notes...
drawings....
secrets.....
cards.....

i know we r n't like b4 and no it's not coz of our silly fights,but life seems to be harder than it seems
we all change every now and then...but the best thing is that we share memories together...
and thts were i remember...

when we prayed the eid and friday togther

how happy were u when u 1st saw me with the veil

naming our crushes by mortalcomabt charachters

hanging out and riding *7antor at zamalek*

buying sweet vally high and exchanging them togther

listening to wht's now 98...eating pizza and chatting, all the 3 of us

fighing over who is going to site nxt to whom at the class

going to dream park

valentine....christmas

private lessons

crying on eachothers shoulders

Arkedia mall

LOL after big fights...*exchanging socks*

birthday gifts....*my 1st powerpuff girl*


there r alot to remember actually...alot tht make me smile and make me forget why we even cried...i dont really care much abt the past
roastry and cafeology *surprising party*
........................................................................................................................................................................
GOD! i hoped i'd join u in ur moment
and again from my heart i'm saying...i love u my friend =)

wish u can read this

How far can the word "SORRY" heal a pain???
so many questions i wanna ask...

where the hell r u??!!!!! don't u know how much u r really missed????everybody around is searching out for u, u vanished all of a sudden ! can u tell me tht ur fine plz?? send me anything...any sign...
i pray the day i can c u in...c u happy..i need to give u some stuff...and maybe then u can vanish the way u want
i hope u could feel how much u REALLY mean to me
waiting to c u

Been away for sometimes....was ill..then my grandpa passed away...it was all a matter of time.In a second i was talking to him, the other one he was gone...it's hard to c someone dead infornt of ur eyes especially when they r close to u....
i cried..
then my eyes got dry...
then i cried again...
then my eyes got dry...
then i cried...
then my eyes got dry at least...and i thought they would b dry forever...
honestly after my grandma passing away....i couldn't feel much pain like after her death...maybe coz her death was the most effective thing tht changed our life balance...and ever since it...it made a huge change..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
when it comes to people, it was pretty surprising coz not everyone as i expected was really there, esp. those who i wished to be there...
there is no reason to feel sad abt it anymore, we can't beg for feelings and mostly people appeares in hard times...if not with sympathy...with appreciating and respecting the way u feel.

i just feel sick from some ppl...

better not to start talking abt it...I'M SO DAMN SENSTIVE!

Just like every other day i wake up only not in a my best moods and i don't know why so, maybe coz i'm sick and my throat is really killing me or maybe coz i feel bit like a loser.
i want to cry so hard but my tears rn't coming out so sat down a little and turned some songs on...some islamic songs actually and as i heard tht song i couldn't hold my tears any more and i found myself crying as if i smelled a huge onion and as the songs repeats i found myself crying and crying again a non-stop crying with no reason...but eventually it made me better, the song is really awesome...by " meshary al 3arada"

مشاري العرادة
غربتي

بك يا زمان اللهو أشكو غربتي
إن كانت الشكوى تداوي مهجتي
قلبي تساوره الهموم توجها
ويزيد همي إن خلوت بظلمتي
يا قلب إني قد أتيتك ناصحاً
فأربأ بنفسك أن تقودك محنتي
أن الغريب سقته أيام الأسى
كأس المرارة في سنين الظلمة
واغربتي
**********
قد كان نومي هانئا فوق الثرى
من غير شكوى أو عزول شامت
من غير هم بالزمان وكربه
من غير إسهاد يشتت راحتي
اهاهاهاه
************

أنا في ابتساماتي عرفت ولم أزل
حتى أتاني ما ينغص بسمتي
إن أسعفتني دمعتي في فرحتي
أنزلتها طرباً لأرسم بهجتي
أو اسعفتني في البكاء مرارة
تتسابق العبرات تهجر مقلتي
واليوم أفرغ دمع عيني بالبكاء
ندماً على ما كان مني ويلتي
جفت دموعي من فواجع ما أراه
لكن صبري في الشدائد قوتي
واليوم أفرغ دمع عيني بالبكاء
ندماً على ما كان مني ويلتي
جفت دموعي من فواجع ما أراه
لكن صبري في الشدائد قوتي
اهاهاهاه

I'm happy yet crying and i don't have an idea why am i....maybe i feel a bit disappointed about my self...or maybe coz i wished for more..there is still a chance so may God helpme isA...=) elhamdolelah..Qadr Allah wa masha2 fa3al...

i am happy =)

10....9...8...7...

nothing is better than a night meditation, clearing my stressed mind and loaded brain...i hope it work this time and i wont fall asleep.

now start counting slowly

10...9....8....

lots of thoughts start to run through my mind...like running pages of a photo album. now some memories cross along and run with the thoughts.

what happened today, what happened yesterday and what will happened tomorrow.

no! i want to clear my mind...

7..6...5.....

still thinking, wht if...tht or this and still more photos , my life is really upside down. i want to relax! and stop thinking...let's continue...

4..3.....

some old childhood memories all flashed in black and white..am i tht old ? things i've done and things i've shouldn't have done.. nnnooo just stop!

STOP!!!!!

3....2...2...2.........

sl..ee...................p

"All That I Need"

"I was lost and alone

Trying to grow,

making my way down that long winding road

Had no reason, no rhyme

Like a song out of time

And there you were, standing in front of my eyes

How could I be such a fool

To let go of love and break all the rules"

"I was searching in vain

Playing a game

Had no-one else but myself left to blame

You came into my world

No diamonds or pearls

Could ever replace what you gave to me

Just like a castle of sand

I almost let love slip right out of my hands

And just like a flower needs rain

I will stand by your side

through the joy and the pain"

At the age of 8...i started writing my diaries

At the age of 9.... i got my 1st dog "Spicy"

At the age of 10.... dad bought us a computer

At the age of 11....i wrote my 1st poem

At the age of 11.... i got my Violen

At the age of 12....i had my 1st crush

At the age of 13.... i wore my veil

At the age of 14.... i stoped shaking hands

At the age of 15.... i had my 1st true best friend

At the age of 15....i changed my clothes style

At the age of 16....i decided to change

At the age of 16....i learnt driving

At the age of 17....i entered colg

At the age of 17.... teenstuff published my poem for nirvana

At the age of 17.... i experienced love

At the age of 18.... i joined teenstuff boards

At the age of 19... i joined Istihbal as a bassist

At the age of 19....i moved to 6 october

At the age of 19...i had my 1st performance on stage as a bassist

At the age of 20...i'm graduated from colg

At the age of 21....i got my 1st amazing bass

some ppl can hate me for saying so...but actually i'm not so excited abt turning 21...maybe coz i don't feel any actual progress in my life so far.....i don't know sometimes i feel i hate myself and wish i was never born maybe coz i can't feel i'm good enf to worth living, i know i shouldn't be saying tht...coz every creature is worth living...but i just feel so helpless and weak..afraid of can't reach wht i'm living for...i know my nafs (spirit) is nafs lawama, so i keep worrying abt every step i take...it kills me sometimes...
i guess i'm only worried abt the natiga...forget my babling...i should try and enjoy the day and look forward to wht's coming up in my life...and wish from my heart tht it wont pass like the others...useless

اللهم لا تكلنى الى نفسى طرفة عين و لا اقل من ذلك فان وكلتنى الى وكلتنى الى عيب و نقص و ان وكلتنى اليك وكلتنى الى ركنن شديد و انت يا ربى ركنى الشديد

Deeper shades of me

Feeling lost within me
Searching out for a place to be
Need some air need to breathe?
Need to exhale before I get seethed

I keep searching but I still can't find
Any place where I can run to or hide
It's not so clear I still can't see
I need to dig for deeper shades of me

Out in a big world
Nobody's hand to hold
Looking down in the sea
For deeper shades of me

Cross the mountain height
Hitting the sky in a sight
In every palm or tree
Digging for the deeper shades of me

Searched in every place
Looked in every face
Can't find my wandering soul
Can't search any more

Gone along in every far
Sparkling like a shooting star
Here it is where I lay
Between earth and sky

Hoping that I'd ever see
The deeper shades of me

SunShine

" i'm so glad tht i'm bk with a poem =)"

Now a feel a bit frustrated

i wish i can go away

i feel angry..why can't ppl be so clear!....it's either black or white no GRAY!
they can't feel how confused and disapointed they make me ! and i hate tht!!! i'm not sure i can handle this for long so a close explosion is gonna happened really soon!

Now i'm free
graduated
no more studying
no more stress at least for a while
now i can think abt myself shewaya
think abt my life
and future...
where should i start from?
i'm happy so far elhamdolelah...
had some bad times...but standing still
can;t wait to know the results....i hate tht waiting...
isA 5eeer
"tfa2alo bel 5ayr tajedoh"..as i always say...

i didn't notice it was my granie's day...i didn't forget it was in june just mixed uo the days...but i heard mom and dad talking and grandpa's crying....
Rabena yer7am el game3.....
i really miss her alot...too bad tht i don't dream of her anymore...
i wished she'd see me graduating...and married...
i'm not sad...i only miss her...

My God rest her soul...and rest us in peace

tomorrow's my graduation project discussion....
exams weren't so good
i hope i'd really graduate :s

so i'm starting my exams tomorrow isA...too close to graduating and i'm starting to accept tht i'll have a new life...i'm already preparing for it...only hopes tht it goes the way i want isA...so i need all the prayers...pray for me when u read this...
almost there...
almost reaching my star

part two....



yes my dear Injy was rit...it's the new rule...25pt for less than 25 kilos....50pt for more....and the driver said tht...he even took the paper from another driver to show it to us.
and tht wasn't just the problem...
tht man sitting in the front who has tht serious look on his face and dark sunglasses...the main leader of the revolution in the microbus...was actually going to medan lebanan not ramses...where the distance is less than 25k so he'd pay 25pt only...
the whole microbus kept arguing and cursing the driver...accusing him of rejecting their right...and he was saying tht it is his right...everything one was just talking abt HIS RIGHT...and there were i should end the story....
wht does actually MY RIGHT means?

i don't know why i don't have any political views....i never read anything about politics...i even don't know wht the word mean....
l8ly the raising of the prices has been causing a big mess all over...
today at the microbus...the driver wanted 250...and some of the passengers said it's on 225...i didn't really cared tht much it was only 25pt anyways, so i was silent all the way and didn't complain...just watched the battle in peace...

~end of part one~

i know it's been a while...but i've been so sick...i stayed at home for like 3 or 4 days...
and as i got a little better and went out to my friend in " 7adaye2 el ahram" , as usual we finish up a bit late so i had to go home at aout 10 pm or something as i recall..however it's only max 30 min btw me and her and i went down at 8 pm...
i stood alot to ride something...abt an hour...and then came a bus.. i was like "el hamdolelah finally going home"......few mint later when we were between "el 7adaye2" and " 6 october" , the bus stopped and the driver said:
" ma3lesh ya gama3a hanzelko hena 3ashn sa7eb el 3rbia 3aweza wel taba3 hyrakebko"
actually he was lying..he just want to turn bk so he can go bk and have more passengers...coz there was only 7 or 8 guys...plus me the only gurl...
we went down...and the driver flew with the bus to the other side and left us with his assist, in the middle of nowhere...there was no a sign for anything....just the desert....
" etfadalo nos el 2ogra ya bahawat 3ashn e7na mesta3glen" he said.
well the 7 men argued with him abt the money...he wanted to give each nos geneh while they wanted geneh...*actually he should have paid the whole 125 pt coz he didn't drive us were we should have gone*
all of this happening and i was starring at them....i didn't say a word...till he came to give me the money...

i closed my eyes for a second....

and i let out a fire of words!...

i kep screaming and shouting...*i don't think i ever shouted like tht b4*

i was like " HOW R WE SUPPOSE TO GO HOME NOW...DON'T U REALISE WHERE THE HELL UR LEAVING US!".

he tried to avoid me but i went back again" YA BANE2DAM ANA BAKLEMK...ENTA MA3ANDKSH E5WAT BANAT...."

and his still want to give me the 50 pt.

and yes the men were standing still in there place watching us =)

i screamed and screamed untill i lost my breathe....

and he simply took the money and ran....

i couldn't really believe wht happened....i kept cursing and insulting then said "7asby Allah wa ne3ma el wakel"

it was the 1st time tht i feel humiliated like tht...i was just like omG...how could i be left like tht...

the men kindly calmed me down...it was funny when one of them said " dah 5ad el nos gehneh" as if it was the problem...

they kindly stopped the 1st microbus on the way too...and the was only one seat so they let me in....

and as i sat i start crying...couldn't hold my self from crying my tears kept falling like rains till i reached home...i tried to stop crying so ppl wont keep looking at me but i couldn't...

it's really a feeling i never had b4.....weak....lost...lonely and afraid...

humiliated....yes...it's hard to tell how bad it is....

i'm not writing this as me shams...i'm writing it as a girl

i'm a girl for God's sake!...

i know worse could have happened but thank God for everything...i'm blissed...

rabena yehdey el game3 ya rab...

i actually noticed something tht's really funny
as i kept saying tht it's been a while since i wrote in my blog...well i guess i know the reason why.
i write most of my posts while i'm sad angry or frustrated...l8ly i've been very happy really so so happy...and i'm not so good in describing my feelings i mean the good ones...so when i'm reallly happy i feel i'm so out of words...my feelings r indescribable
now i'm a bit upset with no reason...crying with no reason...maybe it's the stress and i miss my dogs badly...really i miss them...

i can finally breathe...sweet air is in. going through my hair gently making me shiver as if it's taking away my soul....
it's more liking flying , or floating softly on cold water as the waves come along and push me to the shore.
am i dreaming...
now i yawn and look out of the window..it raining...
so i pray and hope tht my dream come true

Y do i feel soo stupid?

it was a nice day today....but all of a sudden i felt my eyes so wet...dunno the reason of crying...and it's worse when u don't know y.
when i got home i wished to be better...but sadly it wasn't at all.
i hate silence...i hate it when i feel tht someone is really feeling bad and still not talking abt it...i guess it's kinda humilating...no...very actually
anyways...

i'm feeling better nowdays i changed my mood completely, i spent few days off colg
1st i went to agriculture , cairo university i spend a gr8 time with my friends there...God i missed tht kind of happinese..
today i'm writing form the AUC library...i came to watch the international day, it's really gr8 i tasted some food from KSA/ finland / North korea and i took many many pixs i guess i'll go get a tatto too.. =D i'm glad elhamdolelah i don't want to fell the stress again anyways we r almost done and exams r very soon..i'm almost done.

God!...i'm so tired...the past few days were really terrible...i hardly take my breathe..today i burst into tears..i couldn't help it...i do my best to hide my depression so i needed to cry and let it all out....i think by the end of the week i wont feel my feet on the ground.
i wish i can rest for a few days doing nothing and nothing at all

i simply love her...and love everything about her
i even can't stand to be mad at her ..a word or a smile erase it all in less than a sight.
i wonder y i love her so much..i can't live without her..
wht's so special in her...i don't know..i know her abt 9 yrs ago but couldn't get it.
even when we have hard times btw us and i think we r almost crumbling...it simply fades away like it never been there.
again...
i love her and i love the things i hate in her, i hope she'd know how much she means to me...it's so much tht even words can't explain.
God bless her and keeps us together and join us together after death...

Fine! fast heart beats , Qawlon and nose bleeding!!! , wht else should i get mentally?
Thank God i'm alive...
it's been a while...and now it's time..
i'd better sleep

ur never tired of it, r u?
can't u leave a single day without telling me how terrible person i am?
here is a thing if it's gonna matter to u...
i'm tired...i'm tired and don't know wht else i can do for u?
please don't make it harder on me..life is hard enf and i'm hardly trying to feel happy...
just for once don't destroy tht plz.... i let u to enjoy ur life...can't u leave me do the same?
u know wht u mean to me rit?

Gratitude

Thanks for every single smile u draw on my face

am i going to far? losing control of it?
i hope i'm not going the wrong direction and do the same thing once more...
don't wanna lose again..i don't wanna ruin it
should i step back alittle?
i'd better do i guess
but the thing is...can i?...can i step back?
ya Rab....






note: miss u spicy and slider =(

This thing we have...the thing tht i don't know wht to call uptill now...
it's weird tht it's even growing up stronger from the no where
and everyday is different from the one before
i feel i'm born again in a new phase..
somtimes i feel we r both kids playing around in the school play ground...watching cartoons...playing at the funfair...we laugh!
sometimes i feel we r teenage best friends who spend all the together...and suddenly in the end we realize tht it's not just friendship tht we are feeling...
sometimes i feel we r couples , dreaming together and sharing everything...and even preparing for our future...
i can't get it...
and i dn't think i want to understand..
i don't want to think abt it tht much...
just feel and enjoy the moment...

V.I.P : THIS PHONE IS NEEDED!!!!

I've been dreaming abt having this mobile tht nokia created last yr at the valentine and mother's day " L'amour collection"

sadly i couldn't get when it was down at the markets...and when i was able to...i couldn't find it anywhere...but i don't want to give up so easily...so...plz if anyone knows somewhere who sells it or someone who wants to sell it with a nice condition and a nice price..PLZ PLZ and i repeat PLZ tell me!!!

i might sound crazy saying so but i'm strongly attached to this mobile...help if u can!

note:

the details:

Nokia 7373

L'amour collection

pink only !

i want to rit many things but everything mixed up together...i've been so exhausted l8ly and i hate the fact tht i don't have much fun anymore...i don't watch t.v , i don't go out thank God i have some time to eat and pray....
am i doing this on purpose? sometimes i feel as if i like torturing myself...or some stupid way of hiding from whtever...
still...
i'm a happy person elhamdolelah...yes i am happy, i am a cheerful person i have many reasons to be so.
enough tht many of the people around me like to c me happy and smiling always...shouldn't i take it as a good reason?.
anyways i guess i should run now...i have alot to do and a big day tomorrow

sometimes i don't really get my self. like for now i feel i hate everything around me...almsot everything and everyone and i don't know the reason , i just hate when i feel hate
so angry and want to smash anything around
y can't i stop acting like this?
y don't i delete the damn blog and close my msn account!
i don't want to talk....
plz no on ask's malek!

i tried recording my voice today...God! i'm the worst vocal on earth =D...thank God i never sang infront of ANYONE . i never said tht i can sing but i like singing despite the fact tht my voice is terrible lol i still do sing to my self.

From the moment I entered the hospital I was pretty amazed , I never thought tht we would have something so great like tht in Egypt , seriously u'll feel as if ur somewhere out of Egypt. It's like a shining star in the middle of el syaeda zeinab and el madba7 , one of the 7 wonders in the world.
I can't even write it in words, u should go and c it ur self.
The place, the atmosphere , the ppl , the treatment , the order and organizing everything and I repeat EVERYTHING is so perfect .
I felt comfortable there…even while working I enjoyed working there, it was really grea8 to c all the kids happy being there.
I felt pity for the ppl at the institute they r suffering from many other things , not just the pain…
For the 1st time I felt tht I'm really achieving something , doing something useful for someone, the kids loved us there and keep waiting for us to come every day , even the ppl who work there loved us too they r happy coz we made the kids happy.
I just love tht place I love it and proud tht we have something like tht in Egypt , I love the kids I adore their little smile when I teach them something and they ran over to show it to their parents .
Rabena yeshfey kol mared ya rab.
isA I'll never stop going there even after colg.THANK U GOD I'M HAPPY

I'm not so good in expressing my feelings...so much to tell but can't get out of my cheast, i guess maybe when it's time i'll be strong enf to scream them out LOUD!!
but when it's time...am i really gonna say eveything i want? everything i feel?
sometimes when i'm listening to a romantic song...i fly with my thougths and imagination and keep thinking of the day i reveal my feelings...both the good and bad, like to cry and laugh at the same time
i turn back and look at myself, we don't get everything we wish for rit?...so which things i should gave up ???

i never asked my self tht...

why did i make a blog?

i feel as if i'm in a weird dream..i don't know wht's going on...i don't know wht am i doing.
as if it been yrs and yes actually it been yrs...lots of yrs.
many thing changed...whenever march comes...i recall my very old memories...coz it's the month were everthing started to take another way and my life became upside down.
march...the changing point...
sometimes i think for a while and ask myself a question.." is it really me? am i tht person who is now?" mostly the answer is NO.
i don't want to turn back the way i was and still i feel weird for the way i am now.
i want to stand still...i want to stop thinking of my past...i don't want it to affect my future or at least my present...especially tht i feel i'm so close to make my dreams come true.
whenever i'm closer whenever i feel more afraid...i don't want to be hunted.
i don't want to be left alone...i feel so weak and don't want to slip down again.
i hope tht march pass as fast as it can...or else can't we just skip it? can i remove it or delete it from the whole yr! can i go on as if it's april or something??
oh God! wht the hell am i saying!
i think i'm only......bored

I MET RA2ES EL GAM3A!!!!!!! =D....
yesterday i had an apointment with the president of cairo uni. Dr. Ali Abdel Rahman...the meeting was at 1:30 pm so i was there @ 1:20 pm...but we were finally with him @ 3pm =D....yeah he's a busy man...so THANK GOD THANK GOD tht we had the chance to meet him...i think it's a really great progress !!! yes!!! i'm SO proud of myself elhamdolelah... i feel as if i can feel the ground under my feet where i'm standing and where i'm going. for the very 1st time in my life i feel i'm doing something...just a very small step through the future..
elhamdolelah for everything...bgad THANK U GOD!

so... it's been a while...very big one...

here are some news...

elhamdolelah i got gayed gedan last term...and tab3an tab3an elhamdolelah bas it's the 1st time to get gayed gedan and don't feel so happy with it...i'm sure i did more than tht...more to get a better gayed gedan not emtyaz...only better gayed gedan..i'm not sure if anyone can really understand this..bas Qadr Allah masha2 fa3l...and i'm sure tht Rabena hy3wadny be2ezn elah in something or another... =)


this term i'm more like... banta7er =D yeah i'm doing all i can and little of all i cannot...

i feel pain all over, my back my head my shoulders!!!!...physicaly and mentally

i might not rank anything....but i feel so glad tht i'm leaving something...something tht would make sum ppl remember me with =)...
i've never been famous in mylife except when i entered colg...i'm actually so glad abt it coz i'm remembered with good things...very good actually...i'm kinda prud of myself bgad =)...

i feel important...yes i'm an important person =D.... when ever a prof or a teacher needs something...they call for me ! andi feel great helping even greater when wht i did comes out almost perfect!...

again i'm proud of myself and feel more confident =).

today...i was an organizer with 2 of my friends...at a colg party...where we made a presentation and a documentry movie abt luxor and aswan..

and woooooooow they all clapped and the dean thanked us!

weeeeeeeeeeeew =) =D....

suddenly i felt tht i love myself!

it's a fixed feelings, feeling happy , confused , curious , excited and a bit worried from the future but not afraid.
i feel as if life is just begining or maybe it's a new phase.
wooow yrs r passing so so fast
i don't know it's been a big while since i felt like writing =(

Since I’ve been hearing the word “MARRIAGE” a lot lately , I decided that getting me wont be so easy =) yes I’m a girl and I’m precious at least for my family and friends .
It’s weird how’s almost everyone is telling me abt getting married , soulmates having kids and so on…everyone wants me to get married =D everyone brings to me a 3arees every now and then as if I’m taking a large space of their house !!!
Give me a break ppl I’m still not ready and still can’t find my mr. anonymous. I still need to focus on my 2nd term =D, then on my career..yes.. I need to be as ready as possible and feel tht I’m a grown up shewaya , at least have the ability to have my own source of living…
Anyways , as I said I wont let getting me be so easy, Mr anonymous should meet some important people before meeting my parents and these ppl r…

- my sisters and their husbands
- my best friends shahinaz and ahmed
- my godmother mero and my young sis injy
- my band brothers * islam , seif , Mohamed and shazly*
- my two cousins heba and manar
- my best friend ehab

coz these ppl r a part of my family and their opinion means a lot to me and I’m sure if anyone tried to break my heart…. =D hwa el 5asran ba2a. *kidding*

Then finally he can meet my parents =D.

About weddings…umm I didn’t really plane for it but I guess I’d prefer an Islamic wedding so I can take off the veil tht day =D * neyety we7sha shewaya bas it’s my wedding ba2a!!*
If not..then it’s gonne be very very veeeeeeeeeeeeery simple wedding with a violen zafa not all the noise with the drums , horses and so *I hate the very loud noise and probably wont be able to stand for like 10 hours !!!! high heals KILLS ME*
As for the honeymoon ummm I’m thinking to go for a 3omra or something???...ya3ni I care abt the honeymoon more than the wedding, maybe we’d go somewhere like Hawaii or Thailand it still can be sharm el she5 or somewhere in Egypt , Alexandria is cool too…or we can stick in a hotel we 5alas =D…ya3ni I only want it to be perfect..
Umm wht else…. I guess it’s all…

Allah yekon fe 3ono ely hydabes feya ba2a =D

=) wish me luck

i'm sitting in the dark and don't ask me how am i writing this , my left shoulder hurts like hell and my back is on fire :s yeah i'm not feeling so well...
i need more confident in my self the worst thing is me is my low self esteem...
and here is wht i'm listening:

I'm Standing on a bridge
I'm waitin in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
Theres nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but theres no sound
Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are but I...
I'm with youI'm with you
im looking for a place
searching for a face
is anybody here i know
cause nothings going right
and everythigns a mess
and no one likes to be alone
Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are but I...
I'm with youI'm with youoh

why is everything so confusing
maybe I'm just out of my mind
yea yea yea
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are but I...
I'm with youI'm with you
Take me by the hand take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are but I...
I'm with you
I'm with you
Take me by the hand take me somewhere new I dont know who you are but I...
I'm with you
I'm with you

it's gr8 how some ppl still makes me hold on...whenever i'm tht close to shoot myself i find someone to grap my hands and left me up...it's gr8 to feel tht there r ppl who care abt u...feeling care is AWESOME.
so...i'd like to thank who saved the day =)...i wish u'd be there for me 4ever

I don’t know why I suddenly feel upset =( I just went to my bed and slept like a baby…I feel I’m a pathetic person am i?
I’m too small in the world that I feel it’s not really where I belong.
Lost in the nowhere and no other place to go. Don’t I belong somewhere? I wish I can delete all these negativity thought but u guess they have to appear every now and then. One of those break downs.
Till when I’ll be running away as fast as I can?
Till when I’ll be hiding?
And till when I’ll be hunted by my fears?
I feel so all alone

I never wanted the days to pass fast like now, I can’t sleep…I can’t wait to go and lie in bed with my 1st yawning. And I can’t wait till the nxt day comes and so on…
Can’t stop thinking..
I’m afraid to be let myself be happy…sometimes good signs really freak me out. When everything begins to be almost perfect…
I hope that history wouldn’t repeat it self once more…I hope I don’t fall apart again.
Does sometimes it’s no the right time? Or is it just the perfect time for it?
Have a chance…risk…trust??
A part of me wants it but the part doesn’t feel comfortable yet. I’m torn btw both.
Auffffff I can’t study!!! I wanna focus
P.s; I can hear it raining now which is so gr8. Too bad I can’t get out coz no one’s home now. Lol weird I caught a cold though

Today as i was on my way to my friend as usual *where me and my other friends meet , and go together to colg*
anyways i was walking fast coz i was a bit l8 for them..then i found someone from behind calling me...

"anesa...anesa...", i turn back and answered.
"yes".
he said "momkin as2alek so2al".
i was puzzled for a while.."ok"
he asked" hwa 7adretk mortabeta".
i didn't realize the question 1st so i answered fast" no y".
then after a sec i was puzzled...then he answered bk "i just wanted to know".
my face turned into red not from shyness bas from being angry !!!
i then found myself running to my friend's house..i looked bk and he was behind :S...i went up as fast as i can....
i don't know...heya el nas etganenet?...wala i was so attractive that he wanted to propose!!!omG, how am i gonna be attractive while i'm going to an exam , having papers in my hand...holding my bag with another...wearing my baggy and blue jeans jacket...NO WAY I AM THT ATTRACTIVE.
c'mon!!! even if it was true....WHT THE HELL HE WAS THINKING !!!
i can't believe any one who can get married this way!!!

A psychic poem by a mad girl

Nuts…but do you know
I’m crazy about you
I’m nuts…I know
I even made my hair blue

Sniff…sniff my nose is cold
Sniff…sniff I can’t hold

You made me go crazy
You idiot! You lazy
You just couldn’t say a word
That would simply change my world

Have you seen what you’ve done to me?
Now I’m nuts…are you happy?

Sip…sip I’m drinking some tea
Sip…sip I’m too blind…I can’t see

I thought you liked me
I saw it through the eye
But you never said it
Can’t believe it was a lie

Have you seen what you’ve done to me?
Now I’m nuts…are you happy?

Click…click what’s that I press?
Click...Click...What’s all that stress?

Why the hell don’t you leave me alone?
Why the hell your heart is like a stone?

I’m out of my mind….
Do you know why?
Because I drew fake wings
And wanted to fly

But you let me fall down that I broke my hand
That’s when people said that I gone mad

Have you seen what’ve done to me?
Now I’m nuts…are you happy?


By: Sunshine

i'm suppose to be studying for my exams, instead i found myself riting poems to complete my 1st poetry book...still one place left for a final one...

anyways this poem is part 2 of a poem i wrote with the name "how can i forget" tht i wrote 3 yrs ago...i rot this poem for the same person..well...i'll leave u with the poem now

A recovery stage

I thought I’d never let you go
But life made me do

As you forgot me long ago
I only begun stop thinking of you

It’s too hard to let go of the past
Too hard to admit it won’t last

What’s harder…
Knowing that you were too weak
Too weak to fight for what you seek

Didn’t I worth it?
Or was it too hard?
But it seemed easy to leave me with a broken heart

No more tears to cry
No more
Because my eyes got dry

Time seemed to stop since we were apart
Don’t I deserve like you a new start?

I’m tired of feeling how pain tasted
Regret about the time I wasted

It’s already been too long
It took me years to know I was wrong

As for the wound you marked
It will still be there
Only buried inside my heart

I’m not the first and won’t be last
Who will be recovered from her past



Sunshine

Life is like a teacher u never stop learning from it, i've been looking at my life l8ly and i kinda lol abt it...loads of things happend and many are coming up.

why am i riting this? don't ask

today the sky was so blue...it was the best blue colour i've even seen in my life...so blue like sea, i couldn't stop staring at the cloudes either...

6 october is really a gr8 place for meditation...every single day. it makes me feel i wanna hug the space..

few hours l8er...it was raining...i stood in the rain, never felt the cold, i felt i was washing my self..from the past maybe or might be from the present.

Spiritualty...

i've always loved this word...

also Meditation

Sentimental

sensation

Bittersweet

Chaos *i don't know why*

I am Human...i noticed tht recently...i breathe...i feel..wait a sec. wht did i say..i feel?..FEEL, wht does feel mean? feeling?

how do we feel? does everyone FEEL?

does everyone feel pain , love , care or even hate? like when u hit someone..kiss someone or even hug...isn't tht sweet?...wht does sweet means? how does it taste in our minds or hearts...

wht am i saying?

Dear All:

i'm sry i've been away for along time , but i'm so busy n'exhausted =( colg is taking all of my time , i can hardly sleep or eat...still didn't start studying for the final exams...which is going to be on 30th dec. and i'll be done on 15th jan isA.

so happy Eid everyone and happy new yr in advance =)..i've missed my blog and everyone around..sry tht i'm not here but i promise tht i'll be there soon isA and check wht i missed.

I wish i was a butterfly:

rabena ye3enk sweetie and really no need to apologize el mohem tht u feel better soon isA...we isA we'll have a chance to talk soon...rabena ma3aki ana bad3elk bgad =).

i miss everything even myself...all i need is ur prayers for now plz

thnx everyone

When I say that I feel I’m going to die young, I really mean and feel so =( . I’m not saying this to make you feel upset, but I have this feeling strongly in me and really I don’t know why I keep feeling so.
Sometimes I really feel I’m dying… yesterday was one of those sometimes…
I felt I was dying..i couldn’t take my breathe and my heart was beating very fast…I kept saying el shehada and some do3aa…I couldn’t sleep, I was so afraid…I was I kept seeing myself dead…I saw a paper with my name on it…”توفيت الى رحمة الله الطالبه “شمس أحمد this paper was hanging in my colg.
I wondered how my friends will know abt it…esp those who been a while since we talked…I thought abt my best friend…when can she know…after few weeks? Month? It wont be more than tht…
I’m still so afraid…afraid to sleep but never wake up. I wanted to wake my mum up and ask her to sleep beside me…but I couldn’t…and I was really going to wake up and tell my parents that I’m going to die..because I really felt I was going to.
All of this time I was sitting on bed trying to sleep…I succeeded in sleeping…but after less than an hour I woke up again and got the same feeling…
My heart was beating so fast that I felt it’s time..it’s going to stop a minute or another.
I was upset because I didn’t want to die this way…and I was thinking about everything I wanted to do in life.
After a long straggle I finally fell asleep…and woke up to colg.
I couldn’t stop thinking abt death..and wasn’t really sure…what am I supposed to do?
I asked my friend…
“do we feel that we are going to die before dying?”
“yes”
“ do u know someone who felt so wala eh?”
“yes…me”
“c’mon maybe it’s only stress we r all loaded this year”
“I don’t know…but I really feel it so much”
“ok…stop it now plz coz I don’t know how to react in such situations..cheer up keda we ed3ey”
“I do, I just feel weird”.

She changed the subject…

I still get tht feeling at night…sometimes at day… and I found a friend of mine giving me a book to read…

Sub7an Allah…it was abt death maybe it was just a coincidence…

I’m sorry…this might be a very disappointing post.. is might be my last post..? I don’t know…

I can feel tht there is a msg for me…or it can be only colg stress…who knows…

I need your prayers

I feel strange l8ly , for the 1st time I don’t think how many yrs r left till I graduate , now I’m only months away…
For the 1st time I feel tht I’m OLD..not too old..but I never noticed my age b4, I’ve always felt tht I’m a still a child…a teenage…I don’t know how to explain tht but I’ve looked at myself in the mirror…and I felt I’m a young lady…I have responsibilities.
I have a life and a future to start.
I don’t know why I got this feeling now…maybe coz I was so confused abt wht to make after graduating..i have many choices and I don’t know wht to do..and how to start.
I feel I want to make many things in the same time…
I want to make my masters
I want to keep up with the band
I want to work as an air hostess and in the same time write in a magazine
I want to learn continue my German course and take a Spanish one too.
I want to continue my Quran lessons.
I want to make an e-mag
I want to volunteer in 57357 hospital
I want to join culture wheel and make a membership
I want to join some yoga’s lessons
I want to study metaphysics online

And many many things tht rn’t on my mind now

Life is passing by so quickly , I’m afraid to die before leaving a sign , and I really hope I’d leave one…

p.s:

dear i wish i was a butterfly

thnx alot dear for ur concern , =) u made my day bgad, i'm so exhausted and have lots of things to do everyday...barly find time to sleep =(..yeah colg is killing me tht's y i am away, and sadly it's not just the grad project...i feel i'm committing suicide this yr =D...

ed3ely plz hunny

thnx alot =)

i've been facing weird situations on my way home l8ly.. :S
i never thought tht there still something in some ppl called N-I-C-E or S-W-E-E-T....
i was "sayma"on a colg day and going home after "el- ma3'reb"prayer as usual..."3adi 3adi"
when "el 2athan"was starting i 4got to buy anything to break my seyam with...i searched in my bag for anything but i all i found was...like always...gum.
then i heard the guy siting behind me calling...

Miss...miss...etfadly

i turned and found him offering me a chocolate patee..i was surprised... and didn't get it at 1st..

enty sayma we lesa el tare2 tawel..he said smiling...

i was still surprisd...how did he knew tht i'm sayma :S?...

i was puzzled for a while then i said, merci gazak allah 5yran...and smiled bl =)

he kept offering it again for a while... and i kept thanking him all over again..

i'm still surprised how did he know tht i'm sayma !!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i was bk from my friend's house..standing in "medan lelt el qadr"waiting for a nice cute tok-tok to drive me home... * there r no much taxies in 6 october yet*
so...i was standing...then i heard someone from behind..

hwa 7adretek 3awza tero7y feen?

i was :s 1st then i answered...el 7ay el estesmary....

he: 3and masaken el shabab? his acsent seemed not egyptian...

me: umm..yes??

he: tayeb ana saken henak law te7by awsalek fe tare2y...

me: :S la2 merci awi gazak Allah 5yran...

he: gazana wa 2eyakom...bas law te7by awslek 3ashn mato2fesh keda...

me: la la merci ana harkb 3ala tool isA.

he: =) ok..ber7tek..

after abt 5 min. i didn't notice he was still standing...
then he goes again...

modmazel.....

me: *awel mara 7ad yeklmny be zo2 awi keda fa tab3an tana7t*...yes...

him: belah 3alek mynfa3sh to2fy lewa7ed keda...yaret te2baly awsalek..mat5fesh walahi!...

me: rabena ye5alek merci keter bgad bas ana isA hrkab 3ala tool....

him: asly mesh 3awez asebk keda...

me: merci awi rabena ye5alek...ana met3aweda ..

him: *disappointed* tayeb...mesh 3wza ay 7aga?

me: gazak allah 5yran

him: gazana wa 2eyakom...

*btw he looked so decent awi*

we tab3an elhumdolelah eny ana 3oyony mesh daba7a we sha3ry mesh asfar we byter fel hawa , fa i'm sure it wasn't harrasment...in fact i was coming bk from colg wearing my janesport back bag so i wasn't in my best looks either... lol

anyways i'm really surprised...feeh keda fel denia?...
sub7an Allah....i thought these kinds of guys died in the war as everyone says...lol...

it's also nice to feel tht stranger can care abt u more than ppl u know...in a way u still matter for someone even if u don't know...

weird... =)

i'd like to thank i wish i was a butterfly for tagging me =)..thnx alot sweetie i was really glad

كنت طالب شاطر في المدرسة؟

بصراحه مش اوى مش لدرجه التفوق بس كنت بذاكر يعنى و بجيب مجاميع حلوة بس مش داحيحه يعنى لانى بكره الحفظ و المشكله ان نظام التعليم عندنا بيمشى بالحفظ بس, هوه انا فى تانيه ثانوى جبت مجموع مهبب بس كان بسبب الصحوبيه بعيدن حولت فى تالته ادبى و ذكرت جامد مع انى بكره التاريخ...و الحمد لله زدت حاوالى 10 % و ده رفعلى المجموع اوى و بصراحه انا حاسين انى فخوره بنفسى جدا لا ن عادتا الواحد بيقل فى تالته فى حسيت انى بذلت مجهود و كسرت قاعده

ايه كانت أحب مادة ليك في المدرسة و الكلية؟

الاحياء و انا علم علوم و الفلسفه و انا ادبى

اما فى الكليه فهما كتير شويه:

اولا: كل مواد المسرح زى الديكور و الاضاءة,نقد مسرحى, تحليل مسرحى, فن الكتابة المسرحية

ثانيا:مواد الصحافه و التليفزيون و التتصوير

ثالثا: علم النفس

أكره مادة ليك في المدرسة و الكلية؟

الرياضه انا كنت حماره فيها و بمجرد لما بشوف ارقام بهرش فى راسى :)

فى الكليه بكره كل ماده ليها علاقه بالتربيه

كنت عايز تطلع ايه و انت صغير؟

الاول دكتورة بيطريه

ثانيا مضيفه جويه

ثالثا عالمه فلك او كمياء

اخيرا صحفيه و كاتبه انشاء الله و لسه بفكر بردو فى المضيفه الجوية

أغرب حاجة اتمنيتها هي إني ابقى؟

سواقه تاكسى و مش عافه ليه؟ يمكن لانى بحب السواقه اوى

اسم مدونتك؟

my fantasy world =)

لماذا اخترته؟ و ما هي نيتك من اختياره؟

فى اغنيه اجنبيه بتقول:

i am the princess in there nothing wrong in my fantasy world

tht's it's called fantasy world and the site is vip-rincess which mean very important princess =D

i feel i'm a princess so i created my own world

هل فكرت في اغلاق مدونتك؟ و السبب

لا لانى كاتبه ذكريات حلوة اوى و البلوج بمثابة ارشيف و مذكره زى مذكراتى الى بكتبها على الورق

صورتك في المدونة... رمزيتها

انا كنت حاطه صورت بنت فى لعبه بحبها جدا و بتربطنى بيها علاقه جميله و خاصه بعدين شلتها و حطيت صورة بنت محجبه عجبتنى اوى بس مش اكتر

أحلى جملة قيلت لك في وصف مدونتك؟

بصراحه مفيش حاجه معينة

التعليقات بالنسبة لك. أهميتها

هوه فلاول كنت بكتب و مش بهتم اوى لكن مع اول تعليق كنت مبسوطه اوى و حبه ان الناس تقراء البلوج

ما أحلى بوست كتبته؟ ضع اللينك ثم اذكر لماذا

بدون غرور لقدر الله مش هقول ان كلهم حلوين لكن كل واحد ليه معزه خاصه عندى عشان كل حاجه كتبها فى ظروف معينه فانا بصراحه محتارة جدا و عشان كده مش هكتب حاجه

أحلى مدونة قرأتها

تنفيس لابو صلاح

منمن بنوته

انكشاريات

بورتراوى

نفسى اكون فراشه i wish i was a butterfly

حد قل أدبه في التعليق؟ عملت ايه؟

الحمد لله لا

إيه اللي هيحصل لايميلك لما تموت؟

هاهاها اكيد هيتقفل يعنى

اديت الباسورد لحد قبل كدة؟

ايوة

ايه كانت علاقتك بيه؟

هوه انتمتى عارفاها بس مش حافظها لانى ساعات بطلب منها تفتحلى اليميل لو عندى مشكله

اسمك؟

اول حاجه بتصحى... شمس

اسم الدلع المشهور بيه وسط أصحابك

أووش او سوشى

مجال دراستك؟

الاعلام التربوى

شخصيتك... نوعها ايه؟

انا بحس ان فيه و كل حاجه مش عارفه ازاى يعنى ساعات بكون برده اوى و ساعات بكون حساسه جدا و ساعات بحس انى لذيذه و ساعات بحث انى سخيفه بس حاجه اكيده الناس اجمعوا عليها و هى انى طيبة الحمد لله بس مش لدرجه الهبل

مودك ايه؟

عادتا بتأثر بالناس الى حوليا

بتعمل ايه في وقت فراغك؟

بكتب

بقرأ

بتفرج على فيلم

قاعد على اللاب توب

بعزف او بغنى

بخرج

الأكلة المفضلة؟

الشعريه الطويله noddles

البطاطس المحمرة

السفر بالنسبة لك؟

بحبه جدا و نفسى الف العالم

و بحب طريق السفر الطويل اوى

صفات أخدتها من بابا

الطيبه و احترام الجميع و الذوق و الكرم

صفات أخدتها من ماما

الكتمان و انى اكون اجتماعيه و الحنيه

أكتر 6 حاجات بتكرهها

السرقه : و دى ليها قصه طويله اوى صعب احكيها دلوقتى

الكدب

الغش

الصوت العالى و الزعيق

الاذلال المعنوى

الشتايم

أكتر 6 حاجات بتحبها

الجنون

العب و العرايس

افلام الكرتون

قيام الليل

الصور

الموسيقى

الشغل بالنسبة لك

هوه اساس وجودى على الارض سواء شغل شغل او شغلى كا أم

ايه الكمبيوتر و النت بالنسبة لك؟

واخد جزء كبير اوى من يومى و انا اتبسط اوى لما جبت اللاب توب لانى حسيت بخصوصيه فا بحبه اوى اوى اوى

تمرر التاج لمييييين؟

ابو صلاح

عبدالرحمن ابو بكر

أنكشارى

واحده متفزلكه

Colg wasn't like everyday...i missed my colg best friend and dear sister mona =(...she's sick so she couldn't come.

and really i felt so sad coz she wasn't around...i really felt i miss her alot

she always make me laugh out loud!, the funniest gurl i've ever met =D

i really hope she'd recover soon so she can come...MISS HER

i felt i wanna cry...most of ppl at colg r my frineds..

but i have only 2 who r so close to my heart...2 tht i hate to go to colg when they r not there.

i'll pray for her...

miss u dear =( tegy bel salama isA

You, me and the broken hearts

For all the hearts that been broken
For all the tears that been shed
For all the souls that been falling
For all the lies that been said

For all the dreams that faded away
For all the love that can never stay
For all the times we tried
For all the years we lived and smiled

For all the pain you caused to me
For all the passion inside of me
For all the wishes I wished for us
For all the people I no more trust

For all the scars in her and me
For everything you turned to be

It’s time to heal and change my life
It’s time to cut your picture with a knife

It’s time to leave all the past behind
It’s time to get off the dark, long night

It’s time for you , her and me
To move on
And forget the word “HE”



Sunshine (20)

The best time i usualy spend is with my life comapnion "Nano". yesterday was so weird for both of us we cried alot then we went mad and laughed like hell.

i can't deny tht we both have some misunderstanding btween eachothers but it's ok we are humans =D and i feel it's kinda boring if we had the same characters like mirror...

anyways

as i said, yesterday was weird...we were ending our misrable era and starting a new life...

facing our past and healing it with our love for eachothers...

and both of us were comfort by our man and brother Ahmed =)...

the 3 of us r so nuts =D we were friends since 8 yrs ago...we do all the crazy things togther, i feel as if we r a real family...sometimes i wish if i can spend the rest of my life living with them...loving eachothers and caring for eachothers.

althought yesterday wasn't exactly as i hoped at all...but maybe it's time to turn the page and start writing a new one...

tht wht i do for living...writing...but i still can't write in my book of life.

i hope this can be an end and a start.

Today was so weird! I met one of my very best and dear friends ever =).

I never thought I’d meet her coincidence in the CTA.
I was sitting in the front seat with my best friend on our way to Mahaad El awarm, when I saw Ingy getting into the CTA…

I was puzzled!! I was like OH MY God I CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S U! , the thing is I was just thinking abt her on the way and decided to call her when I get home…empathy is really working well with me lol.

I found my self screaming her name INGY INGY, and we both were stunned lol.
As I wanted her to sit beside me I asked my colg friend if I can sit on her leggs for a while =D.
I really missed her so much…and till now I can’t believe I saw her!
We talked and talked and kept staring at eachothers as if been yrs.
I was so excited as the beginning of my day and off course I couldn’t let her leave without taking a pic for her.
She also introduced me to a friend of her and told tht her friend was a fan of mine! She gets teenstuff and read my poems…she even search for my poems by name in each issue…
She said “ I’m so happy to meet u , I love ur poems ur so gr8 msA, and u sometimes makes me cry too , really I’m so so glad”
I blushed :B
In my life I never knew I was known..i never knew tht anyone really reads my poems..and OH MY GOD I have fans?!
We talked for a while and I was happy to know tht there ppl who believe in me..ppl I don’t know and never met…
Tht made me overwhelmed!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After Ingy and her friend get down for their station…we were on our way to mahaad al awram….
Then after sometimes we got there and I saw the rest of our friends waiting out side…then we entered the place…and honestly I was kinda shaking and my heart started to beat little bit faster…I was worried abt my reaction.
The place wasn’t as bad as I thought…it wasn’t so crowed , but it was in action all day.
Big halls with seats, a cafeteria in a corner for tea and coffee, and little place selling some sandwiches…
Everyone was kinda silent…sitting , drinking and waiting…

I hate waiting..

Then I noticed some ppl carrying their kids..even old kids like 12 yrs old…
Kids were both gurls and boys…little gurls putting on small hats or veils.
Boys wearing caps..sometimes without…there was just no hair..

The building is so huge abt 6 floors or something…we went to the 4th and 5th floor were we visited some chambers and a new library they r going to open by nxt week..
And again there was a medium halls with seats…

Again many parents outside sitting…some sitting on the stairs…some one the ground..even some were sleeping on their bags *some ppl came from long distance*
We didn’t enter any of the kids chambers..
but ..
I glanced and felt pain all over my body…I felt the pain of needles , pills and chemical medication…
There were many ages…starting from 1 yr old till 18 yrs old…

I looked at the parents for a while…they were all sitting..waiting for the unknown , crying without tears…

That was hard…and when we were abt to leave…I started to tear…

well i thought abt riting abt myslef and thnx to who suggested and supported me =Dactually it can be like my biography...so here it is my 1st biography ever in my blog =)

Name: Shams Ahmed Mohamed Mostafa El-Hewify
Nickname: SunShine =)
Date of birth: 29th june 1987
Home: raised in Imbaba, giza had a life time in Zamalek living in 6 october
Studies:Faculty of Specific Education , Mass com. dep.

about myself:
I'm a poet: i love poetry and write english poems
I'm a writer: i love writing, it's the only thing i can do well *i guess*
I'm a musician: i played violin and now playing bass guitar
I'm a reader: i love reading novels soemtimes books, i love reading abt metaphysics.
I'm a human being: i think ppl r all humans no one's higher than anyone we r all gonna die, i hate humilation and stealing most.

i'm looking forward to be the best muslim journalist and take noble prize, i'll also have my own magazin someday isA..
i will

i love animals
i adore dogs as pets they r the best animals =)
i hate cats ans pigs i adore music...english mostly and all kinds of music starting with romantice and pop ending with rock and metal
i like movies...esp. comedy and horrer
i like learning abt super natural powers *ESP* and all the metaphysics world and i'm kinda getting good in it and even rit articles abt it
i like trying new things and everthing *almost*

most people tell me tht i'm empathatic, i have strong empathy ability lol and it's something i'm proud of...feeling others is a gr8 bless =)


i guess tht's all for now..dunno wht else to say if i remembered anything i'll edit isA =)
thnx alot for reading

y do i get the feeling tht i'm losing everyone around me?...

plz...

don't give up on me...i don't wanna be alone...plz

i don't want to pretend happiness anymore...i want to feel it

i wish i can stop crying...fed of it...

WHERE THE HELL R U!

just stay with me!!! it's not alot to ask for!!!!

I WANT TO GET THE DEVIL OUT OF MY MIND!!!!

I PROMISE MY NXT POST WILL BE BETTER THAN THT !

I was thinking during the past few days...was blog made for personal stuff or general stuff...like y would i rit abt myself? who on earth would care to read abt my crap??
shouldn't i rit something useful instead?
umm....maybe riting abt myself is nonesense but i still got a point!....i mean maybe i don't rit impressing things ...but once in a while someone can get anything from it.
my mind is numb now..i can't think of anything...am not sure of wht i'm riting...
rn't i babling now?

ok i'm going...

Well I couldn't tell you

why she felt that way,She felt it everyday.

And I couldn't help her,

I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, whats wrong now?

Too many, too many problems.

Don't know where she belongs,

where she belongs.

She wants to go home,

but nobody's home.

That's where she lies,

broken inside.

With no place to go, no place to go,

to dry her eyes.

Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside,

find the reasons why.

You've been rejected,

and now you can't find what you left behind.

Be strong, be strong now.

Too many, too many problems.

Don't know where she belongs,

where she belongs.

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.

That's where she lies, broken inside.

With no place to go, no place to go,

to dry her eyes.

Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.

Her dreams she can't find.

She's losing her mind.

She's fallen behind.

She can't find her place.

She's losing her faith.

She's falling from grace.

She's all over the place!

nobody's home by: Avril lavigne

i prayed tht today i'd feel better..and when i was abt to recover , it changed my whole day..i felt worse...i felt crumbling..

the worst of all it made me tear again... i thought there were no more tears

but it staped me...so hard...right through the heart.

i have no where else to be...i feel the world is getting bigger and bigger

no place for me in it...no where to run and cry

maybe i just need to vanish ...hoping everyone would b happy tht way

i failed to be anything...

a friend..

a lover...

a sister...

an even a writer

just everything...

maybe i have to go away...or stay away is a better word.

i should stop bothering others...i should stop making them feel sad for me

i hate be "Nekadeya"

am i bad? is it my fault?

maybe i just can't be good in anything...

this aint me...

plz God help..

I know
that when you look at me
There's so much that you just don't see
But if
you would only take the time
I know in my heart you'd find
A girl who's scared sometimes
Who isn't always strong
Can't you see the hurt in me?
I feel so all alone
I wanna run to you
(oooh) I wanna run to you
(oooh)
Won't you hold me in your arms
And keep me safe from harm
I wanna run to you (oooh)
But if I come to you (oooh)
Tell me, will you stay
or will you run away

Each day,
each day
I play the role Of someone
always in control
But at night I come home and turn the key
There's nobody there,
no one cares for me
What's the sense of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with
Tell me what does it mean?
(chorus)
I need you here
I need you here
to wipe away my tears
To kiss away my fears
If you only knew how much...

by: whiteny huosten