some ppl can hate me for saying so...but actually i'm not so excited abt turning 21...maybe coz i don't feel any actual progress in my life so far.....i don't know sometimes i feel i hate myself and wish i was never born maybe coz i can't feel i'm good enf to worth living, i know i shouldn't be saying tht...coz every creature is worth living...but i just feel so helpless and weak..afraid of can't reach wht i'm living for...i know my nafs (spirit) is nafs lawama, so i keep worrying abt every step i take...it kills me sometimes...
i guess i'm only worried abt the natiga...forget my babling...i should try and enjoy the day and look forward to wht's coming up in my life...and wish from my heart tht it wont pass like the others...useless

اللهم لا تكلنى الى نفسى طرفة عين و لا اقل من ذلك فان وكلتنى الى وكلتنى الى عيب و نقص و ان وكلتنى اليك وكلتنى الى ركنن شديد و انت يا ربى ركنى الشديد

Deeper shades of me

Feeling lost within me
Searching out for a place to be
Need some air need to breathe?
Need to exhale before I get seethed

I keep searching but I still can't find
Any place where I can run to or hide
It's not so clear I still can't see
I need to dig for deeper shades of me

Out in a big world
Nobody's hand to hold
Looking down in the sea
For deeper shades of me

Cross the mountain height
Hitting the sky in a sight
In every palm or tree
Digging for the deeper shades of me

Searched in every place
Looked in every face
Can't find my wandering soul
Can't search any more

Gone along in every far
Sparkling like a shooting star
Here it is where I lay
Between earth and sky

Hoping that I'd ever see
The deeper shades of me

SunShine

" i'm so glad tht i'm bk with a poem =)"

Now a feel a bit frustrated

i wish i can go away

i feel angry..why can't ppl be so clear!....it's either black or white no GRAY!
they can't feel how confused and disapointed they make me ! and i hate tht!!! i'm not sure i can handle this for long so a close explosion is gonna happened really soon!

Now i'm free
graduated
no more studying
no more stress at least for a while
now i can think abt myself shewaya
think abt my life
and future...
where should i start from?
i'm happy so far elhamdolelah...
had some bad times...but standing still
can;t wait to know the results....i hate tht waiting...
isA 5eeer
"tfa2alo bel 5ayr tajedoh"..as i always say...

i didn't notice it was my granie's day...i didn't forget it was in june just mixed uo the days...but i heard mom and dad talking and grandpa's crying....
Rabena yer7am el game3.....
i really miss her alot...too bad tht i don't dream of her anymore...
i wished she'd see me graduating...and married...
i'm not sad...i only miss her...

My God rest her soul...and rest us in peace

tomorrow's my graduation project discussion....
exams weren't so good
i hope i'd really graduate :s